Should I divorce my husband?

My husband and I have been together for over a decade and we are in our mid 20's. We are newlyweds and also living together for the first time.

My husband has always been a "mama's boy" and honestly, I never in a million years would have thought what is going on now would be happening. But even so, is this about that?

He has hardly moved in, only brought over about 3 changes of clothes. He has a work vehicle and leaves it at his parent's house. So that means every morning he goes to his parent's, then drops off his car and takes the work vehicle to work. Gets out of work and goes to his parent's house after work for a few hours. He usually eats dinner there too.

He sees nothing wrong with this and I don't know what to do. He tells me he is sick of me bothering him about it. But I can't do this, I'm sick of coming home after work and my husband is out but he's at his parent's for hours every single day. I eat dinner alone. I make dinner for us but he always has an excuse for not being hungry. He won't admit that he eats over there.

At one point he told me he would bring his work vehicle... then he told me it wasn't working and he no longer had it. 2 weeks went by and I got suspicious when he was away for a whole weekend "at work." I decided to drive by his parent's house. There was the work vehicle! Then I googled his work address... he said he was working in the building that weekend. I drove by and didn't see a single soul.

I confronted him and he left me for a few days, and took his 3 changes of clothes with him.

He sees nothing wrong with not acting like a husband. I feel like my life is in limbo.

I go to marriage counseling alone as he won't go. I even talked to the priest that married us. The priest made me feel like there is hope such as if he wants help, but he won't have any of it. Other than that it feels like an impossible battle.

He wants to separate because I keep complaining. I'm sorry but when he's strolling in the door after being at his parent's house for hours, belly full, I can't take it.

I can't help but wonder what his parents think of this. I ask him what they think of him being there 7 days a week, hardly moving a single thing in, his work vehicle still being there, and he won't say a peep. I wonder if he's lying to them. I asked him in front of his dad about his work vehicle and he clammed up and told me to not put him on the spot. He has even told me "even if I bring the work vehicle nothing will change." as in, still going over there every day.

He's just sleeping here with me. Not living here. That is exactly what it feels like.

I don't know what to do. The whole thing is just plain weird.

Yep, this is indeed very, very weird.

I don't normally advocate this, but this is your husband. I think you need to call up the inlaws and have a very frank discussion with them and go from there. See what the hell is going on.

I have never heard of a person so close to their parents. I think you should talk to your husband with their parents and try to work something out. So you could save your marriage and not let 10 years go to waste.

Your husband is acting very weird. Did you have any inkling of this type of behavior before you married?

I think you have tolerated this long enough. No explanation would be acceptable.

If I were you I would ask for an annulment - not a divorce, an annulment.

I think you have tolerated this long enough. No explanation would be acceptable.

 

If I were you I would ask for an annulment - not a divorce, an annulment.

Know what? I agree with this. And hey, OP, I've said this before: If a forum has a question like yours in the title, it's normally pretty evident what the answer is.

You CAN get an annulment for his behavior because you can prove he never intended to act as a married couple. Just tell your priest you want an annulment. You may also have to legally end the relationship with a divorce from the civil side of the house.

The priest told me it is grounds for an annulment. I know it is not legally, but with the church it is.

I have also considered talking to his family about it and honestly, I am guessing he has been spewing lies to them too because this doesn't make sense. Why else would they be putting up with this? Last time his mother was over, over a month ago, she "poor thing"ed him to death over how he has been sleeping. Apparently he was telling her how bad he was sleeping, I know that's just a little thing but who knows what else is being said.

I am hoping they will come over so I can say what I need to say. I'm afraid to talk to them though, they aren't easy to talk to. I'm really nervous about it, honestly. I could see myself talking to them if they're over our house but not out of the blue. I don't think my husband will be inviting them over any time soon because I think he knows what I'm going to do... I will "put him on the spot" again...

I'd go ahead with the annulment. I wouldn't bother talking to his family about it because I think you're correct in that he's probably lied to them and as close as they are, they would just doubt everything you say anyhow. I agree with DN that there's no acceptable excuse for this, which makes talking about it with him or his family moot as well.

Did you have a healthily relationship before the marriage?

If not, why on earth did you marry him?

If so, it’s a case of trophy won/mama’s boy with a dysfunctional paternal family throw in as a bonus.

1. You must take back his trophy.

2. The future must be explained to him in no uncertain terms. (There are Mama Books out there.)

3. Family must be confronted. (Good luck… they sound like psychopaths.)

PS, Try everything... don't be afraid of your husband! Divorce is your decision! It's not fair to lay that on anyone.

PS2 No one forced you to marry him.

I agree w/ Lester why did you even marry him?

I'm sure this type of behavior he didn't demonstrate as soon as you were married. It was your choice to marry him as he is now.

It's just so heart breaking to see how easily people see a divorce as an option.

It's just so heart breaking to see how easily people see a divorce as an option.

Apparently, it's 1 in every 2 marriages (celebrity or not) that end in divorce. (It seems you can't open a magazine/turn on the TV without hearing about the latest celebrity couple filing for divorce.) But apparently, (again, celebrity or not) autism is a primary reason for couples who end in divorce. Why? It's the MOTHER who stays up all night searching for ways to cure her autistic child; whereas the father doesn't get involved with any of that at all. He just focuses on working and making the money.

I know of two real people (ie, not celebs) who got married and filed for divorce very shortly afteward. One I'll call F jumped into a wedding with a guy she barely knew; she admitted they "fell in lust" with each other, and not 3 weeks after getting together with him, jumped into a wedding with the Justice of the Peace. (Her plan for the big, elaborate wedding was to be a few months later). Two weeks after the ceremony, she was filing for divorce. Why? Because the "true" side of her husband came out; he pushed her against a wall twice. (F is on her 2nd divorce now; this time, it's because of money issues.)

The other person I'll call M; he married in his early 20s to a girl he had known since he was 12. (They were "a couple" in 6th grade, and she even had a love letter that he wrote to her back then.) 6 months after the wedding, they seperated. His wife COMPLETELYchanged ~ she became controlling beyond belief. (I.e., I suppose you could say her "true side" came out as well. Or perhaps she felt she was entitled to control all aspects of her & his' lives because they were know legally bound by law & God. Either way, that marriage didn't last.)

I agree w/ Lester why did you even marry him?

 

I'm sure this type of behavior he didn't demonstrate as soon as you were married. It was your choice to marry him as he is now.

 

It's just so heart breaking to see how easily people see a divorce as an option.

I would normally totally agree with you that people too easily resort to divorce, but from OP's description I don't think they've even been married in any sense other than on paper.

Believe me, I don't want to jump to divorce. But this hurts me so much, I can't live like this. I just spoke to the priest again.

I told him how I feel about the annulment option. I feel annulment means you have tried everything and obviously it's not going to work out. In response to that he told me, even if it weren't grounds for annulment you can't keep bashing your head into the wall.

I have always known he is a "mama's boy," but never would have thought THIS would happen. He full on hasn't moved in, full on doesn't even come home to me.

Something else the priest said was that maybe he has intimacy issues, such as he is afraid of commitment and becoming intimate with me other than sexually. Something the counselor said was it could be an undiagnosed emotional issue.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I just know I can't live my life in this much pain. I'm here alone and he has been out of work since at least 3:00. It's 6:00 now. That's 3 hours at his parent's house already. This is my life.

He is just playing games. He keeps texting me "I'm not coming home if you're going to yell at me" and it's like... really? Then he called me. I said "What, (his name)." He responded to me, with a smile in his voice "What did you say? Did you just say "poor (his name)?" I said No, I said what! So he says, still with that smile in his voice "Alright, i'm not coming over. *click*" It's like a sick game.

Wow.

Yup, divorce. Sorry, but this simply isn't worth the time or effort in my opinion. Let him play this with someone else while you're busy constructing an adult life.

This is marriage we're talking about people not a newly relationship which is what it seems like.

Have you ever considered going w/ him to his parents house?? you talk about as if you're not allowed over there.

Do you not like his parents? do they not like you?

Maybe he's annoyed with you because you don't accept his family. seems hes irritated with something.

All i have to say is if your willing to give up this easily, you should have considered being married in the first place

All i have to say is if your willing to give up this easily, you should have considered being married in the first place

This is marriage we're talking about people

I would hardly call this a marriage. He's not making ANY effort to make this a marriage, and never has. He is very much a mamma's boy and has made that more than obvious.

OP: I have known two cases which were almost identical to yours (the mamma's boy syndrome) and both these marriage ended in divorce. The one marriage lasted 5 years and the other almost 7 years, but in the end the wives simply gave up - their husbands practically lived at their mother's home, made no effort in their own marriages and nothing their wives did, could ever match what their mothers did. It was bizarre to say the least. Apparently it is not so uncommon either.

I would say get out now, get a divorce/annullment - the sooner the better. Nothing will change - indeed, this is the tip of the iceberg. Why waste the next 5 or 10 years of your life living like this and being unhappy? Think about it.

I agree, It takes two to make a marriage work. One can not hold him at gun point and make him participate. Also confronting his parents when he is LIVING there, is NOT going to be very fruitful. He is going to side with his mother obviously.

I am all for making a marriage work, but at some point you also have to know when to fold em because you have nothing in your hand.

I agree, It takes two to make a marriage work. One can not hold him at gun point and make him participate. Also confronting his parents when he is LIVING there, is NOT going to be very fruitful. He is going to side with his mother obviously.

 

I am all for making a marriage work, but at some point you also have to know when to fold em because you have nothing in your hand.

This is why marriage is not taken seriously in today's society

From people like you who believe its that easy to calls it quits.

He's spending excessive time at his parents house, big deal! learn to work around it.

That's what's marriage is all about! SMH

This is why marriage is not taken seriously in today's society

 

From people like you who believe its that easy to calls it quits.

He's spending excessive time at his parents house, big deal! learn to work around it.

 

 

That's what's marriage is all about! SMH

speaking as someone who has been married for thirty-seven years i can say that is not what marriage is all about at all.

ditto .....

After almost 18 years of marriage I think I have a good idea about how it goes. I won't say we have not had our troubles, but my husband DOES participate and so do I. If he had decided to live with mommy and not me I would have had his bags sitting on the steps when he got home and he would have found the locks changed.

OP, I really feel for you. You are caught up in a marriage with a man that does not want to be married and it is just hanging you up. You need to be free of him so that you can find someone who truly wants to be married...chi