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Oh man, I snooped, now I feel nauseous at what I found


mrjoeblow78

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Oh God, I'm nearly in a panic as I write this.

 

My girlfriend of 6 months came over the other night, and used my computer to check her email. When she left the next day, she left herself signed in. I just couldn't help myself, so I started browsing through her email. She evidently doesn't use it very often, but I found a couple things.

 

The first was a folder dedicated to received emails from an old boyfriend who used to be her boss at her old job about 3 years ago. The last email was from 2008, and the guy was apparently professing his love to her and apologizing for hurting her. Since this was 3 years ago, I normally would've have let it go, except that this is the same guy that was in town about 2 weeks ago for business, who I let her have dinner and drinks with alone, because she portrayed it as nothing more than catching up with an old colleague (she described him as her mentor). It's obvious from the emails that they had a relationship. Now my mind is racing wondering what exactly went down two weeks ago.

 

The second is even more troubling. First, a little background, about 2 months ago, she was upset and unhappy, and said she needed to get away from everything and visit a friend who lived in the country. She said this guy and her were friends for years, and she just needed to clear her head. This guy grows weed, and it sounded like she wanted a day to just smoke out and enjoy the isolation of where this guy lives. I said it troubled me that she was going to visit this guy alone in the middle of no where, as I didn't know him. She tried to reassure me and said he was harmless and not a threat to me or us. So she went, and came back the same day, and we moved on.

 

Well, I looked in her sent items, and in 2010, still a long time before we were dating, she sent this same guy illicit emails. I'm talking pictures of her breasts and vag, along with messages about how she wanted to suck his , and another message about how she hated that he lived so far away in the country while she lived in the city.

 

I'm just mortified by all this. She never told me about having relationships with these guys in the past. I feel I must confront her about it tonight somehow, but doing so would reveal I snooped. I'm just at the point of ending things and moving on, which kills me because I do love her, and things were going so well recently.

 

I don't know what to do...

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Okay, first of all ---- none of the emails are relevant because it was before you were dating.

Secondly, you snooped. Therefore, you broke her trust --- she did not break yours.

Thirdly, you "let her have dinner and drinks w/ an old colleague". You let her. Really.

 

Tell her you are a snoop. She will probably feel the same as you do --- end things and move on.

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End things and move on.

 

A lot of people will have various opinions about whether she actually did anything with either of these men, but in my mind that's missing the point.

 

The point is, this woman has twice now gone off with other men without being forthcoming about the real nature of her relationship with them. In other words, she can't be trusted.

 

Good luck.

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Okay, first of all ---- none of the emails are relevant because it was before you were dating.

Secondly, you snooped. Therefore, you broke her trust --- she did not break yours.

Thirdly, you "let her have dinner and drinks w/ an old colleague". You let her. Really.

 

Tell her you are a snoop. She will probably feel the same as you do --- end things and move on.

 

Ditto, it's the cold hard truth. It's simple, you shouldn't have looked. It's none of your business.

 

People snoop for insecurity reasons, and before you address her on what you found, you should probably start with why you even looked to begin with.

 

~dig

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End things and move on.

 

A lot of people will have various opinions about whether she actually did anything with either of these men, but in my mind that's missing the point.

 

The point is, this woman has twice now gone off with other men without being forthcoming about the real nature of her relationship with them. In other words, she can't be trusted.

 

Good luck.

 

Exactly what I was going to say.....this is why she has to go...

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End things and move on.

 

A lot of people will have various opinions about whether she actually did anything with either of these men, but in my mind that's missing the point.

 

The point is, this woman has twice now gone off with other men without being forthcoming about the real nature of her relationship with them. In other words, she can't be trusted.

 

Good luck.

 

I agree with this in conjunction with what I wrote.

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Okay, first of all ---- none of the emails are relevant because it was before you were dating.

Secondly, you snooped. Therefore, you broke her trust --- she did not break yours.

Thirdly, you "let her have dinner and drinks w/ an old colleague". You let her. Really.

 

Tell her you are a snoop. She will probably feel the same as you do --- end things and move on.

 

I think you're blowing the "let her" comment out of context. He probably means didn't get bent out of shape about it.

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Take a deep breath and calm down. Don't jump to conclusions. We almost always assume the worst. He is in her past FOR a reason. She might consider him a good friend but give it time with you, and slowly she'll start to lean on you more instead of anyone in her past. Eventually those people will totally disappear. You are in a relatively new relationship. Give it time to grow. That's not going to happen if you immediately jump to conclusions and come busting down her trust door with guns blazing. Next time she wants to hang out with another man though, I'd express how it doesn't make you feel comfortable. I wouldn't tell her what she can and can't do but just more or less you don't like it. She will either get mad/defensive which means she doesn't care and could be up to no good OR she will be understanding and talk about it with you comforting you how its nothing and if she does that...its 95% chance nothing and truly just a friendship.

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End things and move on.

 

A lot of people will have various opinions about whether she actually did anything with either of these men, but in my mind that's missing the point.

 

The point is, this woman has twice now gone off with other men without being forthcoming about the real nature of her relationship with them. In other words, she can't be trusted.

 

Good luck.

 

Right on the money with this one! I wish I would have followed this advice when something similar happened to me. Instead I stayed, confessed, she forgave and the sheer knowledge and suspiciion, and extreme curiosity and endless attempts at silencing my gut feeling completely destroyed both me and our relationship.

 

I say confront her, and then leave her.

 

Honestly, 6 months in... very bad sign. It happened to me 3 or so months in, and I stayed and the lack of trust consumed me.

 

The relationship has no future, at least not a good one. It WILL destroy you.

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Huh? How is something that happened 2 months ago NOT relevant, when he's been dating the girl for 6 months??

 

Of course, it's relevant. She went and saw a guy whom she portrayed to the OP as just a friend, when it's clear by the sexy photos and talking about giving him a bl*w job that he wasn't. ??!!!!

 

Okay, first of all ---- none of the emails are relevant because it was before you were dating.

Secondly, you snooped. Therefore, you broke her trust --- she did not break yours.

Thirdly, you "let her have dinner and drinks w/ an old colleague". You let her. Really.

 

Tell her you are a snoop. She will probably feel the same as you do --- end things and move on.

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You snooped because your gut was telling you something wasn't right.

 

She only told you part of the truth about these two guys she just spent time alone with. If she had told you the whole truth you wouldn't have let her go. That a side if she is in a relationship with you then why is she wanting to go spend alone time with old flames?

 

The simple fact is that you cannot continue in this relationship knowing what you know now. Sit her down and tell her you know that she once was in a relationship with both these guys and ask her why she wasn't honest with you about it. She will ask how you know but try and get her to tell you the truth first.

 

If she doesn't use that email account very much it is probably because these old flames have that address and so she checks it to see if they have sent her anything.

 

All in all this is a pretty bad deal. She goes to "dinner" with an old bf and then spends the day with another old bf getting high while in a relationship with you? It is time to rethink everything. Just because you love her doesn't mean she loves you. She certainly doesn't respect you or the relationship.

 

All this and only 6 months into the relationship? This is very bad...

 

Lost

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Why do you guys keep glossing over the guy she stayed with in the country to smoke weed with?

 

Sometimes I wonder if people on here actually bother to READ the entire post before replying...??

 

Seems obvious she's more than a friend to a dude she stayed with two months ago, while still dating the OP. That's a BIG problem.

 

OP, I'm sorry but this sounds like cheating. I had a similar thing happen to me--my ex was trying to hook up w other women behind my back and I found out from his email. I should've left his sorry a&& then, but I made the mistake of taking him back. He gave me h*ll for snooping even tho HE was the one doing stuff behind my back.

 

Unfortunately, you gotta accept the risks of snooping, which are..you find something bad. Then you gotta be prepared to act on it. If you tell her, the trust is broken between BOTH of you. I don't see how she could have a good explanation for any of this. It looks bad. I'd jump ship if I were you.

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There is no indication that she is anything but friends with these guys. If you believe that she cheated then that is something different but at this point she failed to disclose that she had previously gone out with guys that she has spent time with. If that is reason for you to break up with her then so be it but you cannot get around the fact that you snooped and found this information out without any basis for snooping through her email.

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My girlfriend of 6 months

Does this mean that 6 months ago the two of you agreed to be exclusive? If not then, have you two ever agreed to be exclusive? Could it be that two months ago she felt you two were dating but not exclusive and explicit details about her past were not warranted at that time?

 

I let her have dinner and drinks with alone

 

Be careful about feeling you control her actions, or even have a right to.

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End things and move on.

 

A lot of people will have various opinions about whether she actually did anything with either of these men, but in my mind that's missing the point.

 

The point is, this woman has twice now gone off with other men without being forthcoming about the real nature of her relationship with them. In other words, she can't be trusted.

 

Good luck.

 

 

You are jumping to conclusions. OR she knows they are not a threat and is trying to protect him so he doesn't make it a bigger thing than it actually is or feel self conscious in a new relationship.

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Does this mean that 6 months ago the two of you agreed to be exclusive? If not then, have you two ever agreed to be exclusive? Could it be that two months ago she felt you two were dating but not exclusive and explicit details about her past were not warranted at that time?

 

Regardless, if he has been under the assumption that they are exclusive, while she has been thinking that they haven't been, then the fact still remains that they have very different principals and them together is just a recipe for disaster in which the OP will clearly get hurt.

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Sorry but you don't send vag and breast photos to your 'friends', nor talk about s*cking their c*cks.

 

She told the OP the guy was "just a friend", probably so he wouldn't be suspicious when she decided to go stay with him a couple of days. I'd frankly be tempted to contact the guy behind her back and find out the truth. Maybe that guy doesn't even know she has a bf.

 

There is no indication that she is anything but friends with these guys. If you believe that she cheated then that is something different but at this point she failed to disclose that she had previously gone out with guys that she has spent time with. If that is reason for you to break up with her then so be it but you cannot get around the fact that you snooped and found this information out without any basis for snooping through her email.
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Okay, first of all ---- none of the emails are relevant because it was before you were dating.

Secondly, you snooped. Therefore, you broke her trust --- she did not break yours.

Thirdly, you "let her have dinner and drinks w/ an old colleague". You let her. Really.

 

Tell her you are a snoop. She will probably feel the same as you do --- end things and move on.

 

Haha - hilarious. It's not relevant that his gf is lying to him about the nature of her relationships to these men? Sure. You don't send a dude pictures of you vag and then go spend the day with him alone while deceiving your bf by telling him this is a platonic friend. She's not relationship material man, move on.

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The emails in question (found during the snooping -- were from 2008 and 2010) One person is an ex-colleague, the other is some dude who grows weed. She told bf about meeting/visiting both --- she didn't sneak around. The are guys from her past. Highlighted above --- wrong interpretion. He states she came back "later that day".

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Why do you guys keep glossing over the guy she stayed with in the country to smoke weed with?

 

Sometimes I wonder if people on here actually bother to READ the entire post before replying...??

 

Who's glossing over this? Almost everyone here is recommending to end it. The details of the day out in the country don't really matter then, do they?

 

There is no indication that she is anything but friends with these guys. If you believe that she cheated then that is something different but at this point she failed to disclose that she had previously gone out with guys that she has spent time with. If that is reason for you to break up with her then so be it but you cannot get around the fact that you snooped and found this information out without any basis for snooping through her email.

 

No reason to believe she's anything more than friends with these guys? Uh.....are you reading the same thread as the rest of us?

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You are jumping to conclusions. OR she knows they are not a threat and is trying to protect him so he doesn't make it a bigger thing than it actually is or feel self conscious in a new relationship.

 

If she is trying to protect him so he doesn't make a bigger issue of this then it is, or is this because he has shown signs in the past of not trusting her? He shouldn't have snooped. Why anyone snoops is beyond me, are they trying to find secret memoirs of professed love for them. No, people snoop either because the don't or can't trust. In either case, one of the major factors in a successful of relationship is compromised and that makes it very difficult, but not impossible to move on.

 

I agree he needs to move on.

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Well, the stuff she did with the other dudes isn't really your business because she did that before you were dating.

 

However, she did see them while you WERE dating, and lie about her past relationship with them, which is WRONG.

 

Your snooping though, was also wrong.

 

This is a really hard one to call. If you think that this stuff about these other guys will bother you too much in the relationship, like make you not be able to trust her, end it (I guess you will have to admit you were snooping, unless you can think of another legit reason to end it). If you really want to stay with her, most of the 'offenses' were committed before you were dating, so I would say nothing because she may not want to stay with YOU if she finds out you snooped.

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