How to TRY to get an ex back...

How to get back with your ex with the Time Machine Method!!!! Yaaaaay!

(this is a serious post by the way)

Note; dont PM me, I wont answer if it deals with how to get back with your ex. You are best off replying here if you wish (though i expect this to just float around and be read), but this post will cover it all so it doesnt really need questions (though I do welcome criticism). This is pretty general and it doesnt fit every situation-

Does it work?

I dont know, that girl at the bar that looks like a model, is picking her up going to work? Is trying to get out of a friendzone going to work? Is trying to re-attract a girl who says shes not interested going to work? The answer is; I dont know. There is more than just this post that can be a factor. Some of this might be worthless when applied, but, regardless, it doesnt hurt... and i do believe just as you can decrease the chance of your ex coming back, you can also increase the chance of her possibly coming back.

Also, ex's are not all the same. I am a very proud person, and very, very stubborn. I will never admit defeat. Others are not, who do you think will be more open to trying to get back with their ex? Also, its hard for me to shake an image out of my head... like if I caught my women staring at another man, or kissing another man, i can never forget that image... it will never "die down". Again, these are external factors you can not control. You might not be able to attract certain ex's back, they just wont care, they wont budge, their minds wont change, they are dead-on focused on leaving you, or they are repulsed that they can not fathom even an attempt to try. You can not control that... but its up to you if you wish tro try

The Time Machine

Are you excited? No... ok, bye... just kidding... no really bye...

You see... I just attracted you back!

What is the Time Machine? Its a machine that brings you back to time, or forward, or back to the present. So, what does this have to do with ex's?

Well, you need to go back in time to find out what she loved about you. Simple.... go back, waaaay back and find out what was it that attracted her to you in the past. Now, take the time machine back forward to what you became?

Is there any difference?

If the answer is no, then chances are she wasnt really attracted to you as much as she and you thought (or some other thing beyond your control sabotaged you- like depression, or she is easily influenced by outside factors). Close the browser and go read another post. There is nothing to learn here, she just wasnt really into you, or you had a short or meaningless relationship. Even if it is GIGs, I see GIGs as more of an escape away from rejection for the person dumped (an excuse to ease their ego), she still wasnt as attracted to you to stay or at least balance out her life with you and whatever is pulling her away. Or, she has mental issues (commitment problems, depression, etc.)

If the answer is yes... then... why did you change? You do realize you are at fault as well, right? If you were confident, and went into a shell and became controlling, etc. then you sold her a car that broke down in xx amount of months. You are no longer the person they were attracted to, the ''back in time you'' was better, attractive, and had relationship potential.

Ok... so... now what?

So, it becomes important to not only return to the "past you", but it becomes just as important to analyze why you changed.

Was it because she was pushing away?

-You might have to dig deeper, its possible she was losing attraction to something else about you, so they naturally pushed away, and you pulled her in with neediness, clinginess expecting to fill the gap? This doesnt work. If she just pushed away randomly, then I dont know what to tell you, she could have not have been as attracted as you both thought.

Was it getting so serious you got scared due to insecurities?

-So you pulled her in more. Sorry, but neediness and too much pulling is not attractive. I dont need to explain this, dont behave this way, its a bad behavioral trait, especially for a man who is expected to stand and be a strong person.

You got comfortable?

-You are a hot-shot, she likes you, you dazzled her... good job... but, then you stopped. What... you got her, and then you think its a done deal? Nope... false advertisement is what you promoted.

You need to find out why you changed... its important. This is how you begin the process of FIXING yourself.

heal!!

Not easy to do when you are reading and planning to get an ex back. You need to devote a part of your brain to getting them back... but not wanting them back and healing? Its not that easy, and this is why its hard, why people blow it, and why I personally think trying to get an ex back is not worth it most of the time. It stunts your healing if you dont have a strong willpower. I am sure two thirds of you will be better off just healing and letting the cards come to you but not expecting anything during your healing process, and using a bit of this advice.

The secret Time Machine Method

The secret about this method is that it not only applies to ex's, but to anything that has to do with attraction. Stay as the person you are that is attractive... its that simple. The Time Machine has a few buttons you can press, these are called "reversals".

Basically, reverse your bad traits. If you were needy, learn to be independent and confident (which you probably displayed on your first few dates), if you were controlling- be more confident (controlling is a sign of insecurity) and realize she is her own person, she wants a boyfriend, not a parole officer.

Even if you dont get your ex back... this has to be you... forever!

Ok, go back in time... change... got it...

Now.... why did you break up? A lot of ex's wont tell you the real reason, so you might have to figure it out yourself. But, there are some guidelines to follow.

Either you pushed away too much... (neglected her, cheated on her, big fight, didnt like her but now you do, etc.)

Or you pulled in too much... (needy, desperate, etc.)

Or... you dont know?

Each one is handled differently.... wait... you dont know how to fix it? I JUST TOLD YOU REVERSE YOUR BAD TRAITS!!!! You were needy, go nc and forget. If you neglected her, i would avoid going straight to nc right away (fight for her, dont be a fool), this will just further confirm her decision. How you handle the break up ties with reversing your traits- that is the first step.

Again, if it doesnt time in with any of this, then you probably didnt change much. It just dried up and she wasnt as serious or attracted as you both thought. You can change to a new person, but ... this goes against what I am preaching... this wont last long- she doesnt like you ... for you!

Ok... change back.. and reverse traits.. and approach with the new change.. got it.

You have to make this change REAL. I have helped posters get close to their ex, and they end up blowing it again... because AGAIN they show the same traits. They start getting anxiety, they say things that are needy despite telling me they didnt mean it that way... NO THEY DID... they knew what they meant, and they knew their intentions, and the ex saw right through it.

No-Contact or Contact?????

Either you pushed away too much... (neglected her, cheated on her, didnt like her but now you do, etc.)

- contact her

-i hate for posters to get mad at me... but i am not an angel, sorry- so i will say this; tell her you want therapy if you cheated or neglected her, thats a pretty common tactic (sorry guys). I just hope you really will take the offer and work on yourself and not just use this as a bargaining chip, because trust me, if i get my hands on her (or any of these other posters whos hearts are broken) she will never go back to you...

Chase a bit, make up for what you didnt do, but dont force it that she loses attraction. What you DIDNT do YET was lose attraction, so your job is not to attract her, but to try to persuade her that you will change, and that you really want to work things out. At some point you have to call quits, but the most important thing is to end on a good note with you STILL trying. When you go NC announce it, tell her you are doing this for her, and you dont want to. Then go HEAL.

Or you pulled in too much... (needy, desperate, etc.)

dont contact

Reverse... remember? If you chase right after the BU or not, its up to you. I know a poster that took it fine and his ex came back quickly, it happened to me too. But, the anxiety from not chasing when the women you love left is hard to deal with... so i leave this up to you (and if you are reading this now.. its already too late). Just dont go overboard (more than 2 calls is too much).

You need to push away and work on yourself. Reversing your traits, and HEALING (because a healed person is more confident and better to be around- plus, nothing is 100%- you dont want to stay in limbo waiting).

Unlike the pusher, i would advise you to wait for them to call... if they ever do. You can take initiative and call... but it has to be on friendly terms. You calling i believe lowers the chance of them being interested- the most ideal thing is for them to call... but life isnt perfect. If you want to make a last ditch effort, then go for it.. they left anyway, so who cares how you go out (just dont argue or insult her ever, this will make her future approach difficult).

Or... you dont know?

Pay attention to your relationship next time... I told you to leave the post.

When they contact!

OOOOOOO YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY....

If you pushed away, answer. You should have been working on changing, hint at it continously (forget your pride, its worth nothing if you are alone) but dont make it forced. Sound happy that you are hearing from her, and LISTEN to her, dont make it about yourself, be concerned about her hurt and her life first. You should only talk about solutions, not about the problems, get it out in the air and return the discussion to better times between you, dont dwell on the negativity, dont continue to associate yourself with that.

If you pulled too much, i would avoid answering right away. Maybe the next day, if you were too needy, and you was a crying mess i would wait a few days. NC is ideal for a month or more (i would say 2 months). You are pushing away, having small talk, and then being the first to end the conversation because you are busy (the less motivated you were, less you went out and stood home, the faster you get off the phone and declare you are going out). Hint to her that you are fine and that the BU had to happen (this is risky, but i know a poster did this and his ex chased him hard). If talks about the relationship is started by her (dont bring it up, a poster here didnt listen to me, and once he kept bringing it up, she started to push away- even tho i told him to push away and that pushing is what got her to chase) you should only talk about solutions, not about the problems, get it out in the air and return the discussion to better times between you, dont dwell on the negativity, dont continue to associate yourself with that.

As Contact Continues

The Pusher needs to keep showing they are interested... the puller needs to show some carelessness (as if you were dating and involved- especially if you pulled waaaaay too much).

If the contact is many months later (8 months or more, it happened to me, 6 months to a year and a half ex's have hit me up) I would be super-friendly, and i tell them that they have changed. This statement sometimes makes people feel that the past is erased, and that since you see them as a new person, they might see both of you as a something "new", they will less likely be defensive if the believe you are not harboring feelings of bitterness and anger.

Change more...

Workout, get better clothes, groom yourselves better... you are single now.. so you might as well. A lot of you guys (yes, males) let themselves go, long nails, smelly butts... dont do this...

Confidence, confidence, confidence... none of this will work with no confidence... hard to get when you feel rejected during a break up... and i think this (along with other reasons) is the number one reason why dumpees stay as dumpees.

You are close?

Never... you are never close, you either have them... or you dont. Keep the same mentality and behavior... no matter what she says, it has to be you... forever. Once you "change back to the guy she dumped", then they will associate you as the same person they rejected.

So somehow you got them back... is it over?

No... again, continue being the person you were when she was attracted to you.. always. If she loses interest despite this, then either her mind-state changes where she cant associate you any different from who you were, or what was attractive from you is no longer attractive to her specificially...

What if this doesnt work?

Well, the time machine allows you to get YOOOOU back, the YOU that was confident and successful, regardless... this will not be a waste of time, the learning experience of how you changed in behavior, the effort you put in to fix it.. is priceless...

What if she has someone????

If you pushed away... then i would suck it in and be there. She might still be hurt, still be attracted, its you holding on to the comfort and familiarity you both shared, you dont want it severed. You need some really thick skin, but YOU dont matter, you screwed up... so if she is just pulling you chain and using you... then sucks to be you! At some point you dont want to be her ego boost (again, sucks to be you, you should build her ego up, since your hurt her and killed her confidence anyway- but, you also have to call it a quits. She has a right to be selfish, and she will be absorbing whatever confidence she lost with you to feel safer in her new relationship- so back off at some point and change approach to being someone who "pulled too much"- though this does look bleak).

If you pulled too much... hard situation. You need to push away yourself and show less interest. This is obviously not an ideal situation, and its hard to keep contact and attempt to re-attract, but not show too much interest. You need to avoid being their safety-net, this just boosts their confidence, and fuels their boldness to take extra steps with their new lover. You need to really display only friendship, but hint at attraction. You need to avoid some calls, cut convos short, etc. If you show you are interested and chase, then it will create a safey-net for her, dont do this... you are better off going NC if you cant handle it (I know i cant) and hope the relationship doesnt last.

How should i act on a date, when should i call, etc...

Reread, i wont coach you. Its not hard to figure out, reread what i wrote above! If you pushed away, you have to pull (compliment them, sit by them, make them comfortably, pay attention to them), if you pulled too much (call less, cut convos short, be a bit careless on the date (dont push this too much though), etc.)

But.... always go back to HOW you were first... that is the key thing, that precedes everything.

Low success rate

Here comes the controversy, not many of you will have the confidence, or realize the message your are displaying because you will force false feelings to them (they will see through this, or you will feel safe to be sad-self again since she said something, or you had sex... that doesnt matter!). People always slip, the posters i have helped always slipped... they start showing too much emotion, pressure, impatience, and they lose out. This happens all the time. Many people are horrible at bluffing (and some have to resort to bluffing because they use a fake approach- its best to go through real changes when you are in contact), or they dont realize how much they give away things- one slip... and the chances will be bleak.

If this doesnt work and i lose out?

You got yourself back... so stop crying and heal. Getting YOU back is worth more than getting anyone else...

Well, having just bumped into her last night at the theatre, I know my attempts

wont count for much and that I should probably avoid this forum from now on.

But I couldnt resist being the first poster on Thorshammer's thread. Yay.

Ok, but here is the problem. I need a Time Machine that allows me to take this thread

back in time with me. Instead of all the simple advisors I had back then who

didnt consider the cause of my break up and wanted games. Then I would have had her.

But!! Thor will likely save the day for other poor earth-bound mortals

I don't think i need the "Time machine Method" that profile pic of you has helped emmensly in getting over my ex!!! ;-)

loulou x

Hahahaha @ loulou.

Hahahaha @ loulou.

you feeling any better Deb!! lol

Agree with loulou hahha

Well, having just bumped into her last night at the theatre, I know my attempts

wont count for much and that I should probably avoid this forum from now on.

 

But I couldnt resist being the first poster on Thorshammer's thread. Yay.

 

Ok, but here is the problem. I need a Time Machine that allows me to take this thread

back in time with me. Instead of all the simple advisors I had back then who

didnt consider the cause of my break up and wanted games. Then I would have had her.

 

But!! Thor will likely save the day for other poor earth-bound mortals

Oh, really? Did you send the letter?

Dont blame yourself though, Jim. A break-up and relationship is hard, you know you would have forgiven her for the same, and i would have done the same for my ex, she still choose to do what she did. No one is a robot or an expert at this (even i horribly screwed up my last BU, even though our BU wasnt normal, i still didnt help the matter), people panic, run on emotions, say and do what they shouldnt say and do.

I don't think i need the "Time machine Method" that profile pic of you has helped emmensly in getting over my ex!!! ;-)

 

loulou x

Lol, not exactly the responses i thought I would get.

Well, having just bumped into her last night at the theatre, I know my attempts

wont count for much and that I should probably avoid this forum from now on.

 

But I couldnt resist being the first poster on Thorshammer's thread. Yay.

 

Ok, but here is the problem. I need a Time Machine that allows me to take this thread

back in time with me. Instead of all the simple advisors I had back then who

didnt consider the cause of my break up and wanted games. Then I would have had her.

 

But!! Thor will likely save the day for other poor earth-bound mortals

Yeah, Jim. I don't think I preached games...but more self respect, playing it cool and healing. Sorry if you resent me for that.

Thor: Great Post, as much of an either or type counsel as can be given for the highly situational events that breakups are.

Oh, really? Did you send the letter?

 

Dont blame yourself though, Jim. A break-up and relationship is hard, you know you would have forgiven her for the same, and i would have done the same for my ex, she still choose to do what she did. No one is a robot or an expert at this (even i horribly screwed up my last BU, even though our BU wasnt normal, i still didnt help the matter), people panic, run on emotions, say and do what they shouldnt say and do.

Hey Thor! Thanks. I have to say, even your response to my kind of situation is great.

No I never sent that letter, I just kept perfecting it, haha. Though I did send her a story/letter/card/ in November.

But now I dont need to send my letter. Did me a lot of good to see she was fine though.

I worried about her too. She said she was more worried about me than about her!! Go figure.

At least I got everything off my chest I wanted to say. Well, almost.

I looked well-dressed but I dont think I had any of that confident attitude that I read about elsewhere.

I was just sincerely sorry for hurting her and that seemed the best approach.

She told me it wasnt going to happen for us "now, in 1 year or in 10 years", that she checked

out before the break up, but also that she was actually open to trying again directly after it.

But you are right, I was an emotional mess last year. Timing was out by far. Now maybe, then no.

Hope I didnt appear too dejected but I will disappear for a while. Or maybe forever. This waiting

seems horrific. And I think she arrived with a guy too. Though they didnt look like a couple.

Something I want to add to the meat of this thread. Gain perspective in as many ways as you can. Using the time machine is a good idea but if you incorporate these lessons into your psyche you'll be better off, period. I think that if you were needy: come out of the shell. If you neglected: find out why you have that barrier. If you were like me and a mixture of both but not "over the top" then you need to do both.

Time, space and distance aren't just for the Dumper they are for you too. If you are a young man, seek out older men for advice, seek out a couple of 'em too find a cynic, a hopeful, a single bachelor, a married man and a grandfather and WEIGH the opinions. Then, do your homework on YOURSELF. The closure does come from within. I am RIGHT on the cusp of my own closure and forgiveness etc. and I have been getting opinions, advice and perspective with regard to this for days.

I am/was mostly moved on before finding out some bad news and after turning the other cheek I have decided to "go for the throat" so to speak because...that is who I am and the guy she loved etc. but I am not doing it for attraction purposes. I am doing it because if there is one thing guys neglecters or clingers alike need to learn is that you can't take no BS. If you cheated, sure, take the heat but if it turns out that they are being vindictive and trying to hurt you more than you hurt them. Walk away...since you cheated, be gracious but walk away.

I was gracious at first and you could say I cheated...years ago before we commited with "permission" but that is a technicality. I won't be dropping the Bs and Cs when I call and I won't be trying to stay in contact or hear what she has to say for a long time (if she ever rings me again because I can honestly say that this will be it for me). Sometimes, a little confrontation is good with Women. It's not "tell 'em how it is" controlling confrontation but moreso "you and I both know better" and the girl I was with "was better".

Something I want to add, is that, attraction is a non-stop thing. If you play your part, you will find they will play their part. It isn't one sided work to keep 'em around forever. I think with the right mentality and changes you'll find yourself in a spot to get with way better women or encourage an Ex etc. to up their game to get another chance AT YOU. Peace.

So basically to sum it up, the goal is to get yourself back, focus on yourself, and leave it to fate to bring them back?

Definitely, for sure!

The very needy hopefully can learn from this and realize that certain behaviors are just bad. Its a hard lesson learned that we all wish we had before.

So basically to sum it up, the goal is to get yourself back, focus on yourself, and leave it to fate to bring them back?

Well, i dont believe in fate, but in a way.. yes. I'd rather say external factors that you cant control or influence that comes from THEM (the way they analyze things, the way they keep a thought process in their mind; do they have such strong willpower that they will refuse to "let go", can they kill off a memory that refuses to die? You cant reattract something if they cant forget how needy you were, or how neglectful you were, others can shake off memories and get curious). Others get a revelation when the next person they meet isnt giving them the same energies as you did, they might realize (like an above poster said) the problem lies in them, they sabotaged something "ideal"- and the attraction from you might grow.

I mean, it makes logical sense that the best way to attempt to attract someone you have to attract them based on how you looked and behaved when you attracted them in the first place (again, this is IF they left due to loss of attraction). The other way is obviously improving on yourself. Its just the outside factors that we cant control. If you refer to my post it says;

Also, ex's are not all the same. I am a very proud person, and very, very stubborn. I will never admit defeat. Others are not, who do you think will be more open to trying to get back with their ex? Also, its hard for me to shake an image out of my head... like if I caught my women staring at another man, or kissing another man, i can never forget that image... it will never "die down". Again, these are external factors you can not control. You might not be able to attract certain ex's back, they just wont care, they wont budge, their minds wont change, they are dead-on focused on leaving you, or they are repulsed that they can not fathom even an attempt to try. You can not control that... but its up to you if you wish tro try

Also who knows how much someone can influence them. You ever heard of someone who lost interest in something because their social circles rejected him/ them/ it? Yes, its immature, but it does happen. Or maybe they have an indecisive mind where what was attracted back then... is not attractive now (though i seriously question this- hence why i highly doubt they were ever attracted to you as strong as they should have been).

Yeah, Jim. I don't think I preached games...but more self respect, playing it cool and healing. Sorry if you resent me for that.

Well, to be perfectly honest with you - that "coolness", after all my neglect

only hurt her so so much more. On reflection I know that when I saw her last night

her smile was fake, she was still really hurting inside. That had nothing to do with

my saving my self-respect.

I only came accross as a cold, manipulative mean person who just couldnt stop rejecting her

in any way I could. Because every gesture like that (NC to a neglected person, not calling back immediately,

telling her I must go on the phone, keeping to small talk instead of feelings, etc) is a form of rejection.

She was the dumper, but I pushed her to it. One of the most difficult decisions she could make because

she loved me to bits. I was technically the real dumper and I did that more than once to her. No question.

Thanks for responding though. So yes, I was really angry with you, but at the end of the day,

even though I was an emotional mess back then, I should still take responsibility for my actions.

Everyone who asked me about those events has since told me to stay off forums. I now do it for

encouragement and because I believe writing aids the healing process. If someone wants my advice

I now always answer sideways with my own experiences...plus a disclaimer. It is simply a very dangerous

situation for which there is no "one" approach.

But, because it was still my responsibility I say peace to you too...

Word, Jim. I think you did leave out a fair bit and I also thought she was projecting. I may have been projecting too due to similarities in situations. I only wanted you to be strong. If it really was all about neglect, though, dude. You could very easily write out that heart felt letter and speak your piece. If you neglect someone and then show tenderness, vulnerability etc. you may open a door. It might not happen immediately etc. but it could happen.

I would suggest letter + 101 pink roses on V-Day. Pink is the color of "true love" and 101 roses means One and only. Put, contact me when you're ready...ask for just one date or something. If that doesn't work then I'd say...no luck BUT if she was faking her smile there is something there. Putting yourself out on a limb in this type a situation would be ok. But, don't be over the top.

If you do this, I'd be more than happy to proof read and suggest and I'm sure Thor wouldn't mind helping either, he is a true bro.

I am afraid my chances for sending roses I had last year and are definitely over.

I would be lucky if, despite her brave front, she doesn't hate me for the rest of her life.

I also know from the way another previous ex treated me, that time doesnt always allow

someone back into their life.

Thanks though. Also, I know we all only try our best - you too. So its ok.

This has all been a live and learn process.

The thing that doesnt make sense, Jim, is that she said she was done before the break up. How far back did she say? I know you were a bit worried when she was in estonia and came back, things like that do make an mans insecurities act out. Is it possible you were distancing yourself because you "felt" the distance from her (meaning she already clocked out?). If that was to be the case, then pulling her in might not have done much.

Her saying, "yeah i checked out before the break-up, but then i wanted you back when it was over..." seems a little confusing without a time-frame (did she feel like this before estonia, during, after?). Plus, she checked out before the break-up, but was worried about YOOOU, that doesnt match the typical neglected girlfriend thinking about who she dumped because he hurt her...

Yeah I have to say if she admitted to you she checked out before the BU then your chance to 'fix' those feelings of neglect was then and there - pre-BU. After the BU it didn't matter so much. She was long gone and those efforts would probably be seen as too late. You never know of course. It gets fairly messy after a BU and emotions are high.

Most break-ups are pre-determined, those that happen due to running on high emotions would be easier to deal with, some couples have like 5 or 6 of these high emotional "breaks". If someone breaks up with you with pre-determining their actions, then i would seriously doubt the respect and loyalty (even their value and trust) to you and the relationship.

The thing is when they are planning this exit, most likely you are still the guy she is losing attraction for. You are feeding her decision and you have no clue you are doing it (unless you take note of the inconsistency and change in their behavior). Its when the break happens, when you arent in her life feeding her the same negative unattractive traits, and any and all future contact, sight, thought of you is of being the "the you from before that she didnt want to leave" or "the you from before but more improved" that the feeding of her decision wont be as strong, she wont have as much validation that her decision was right.

But, it varies wit the person. Some wont care how much you change, their minds are glued to the person they remembered. Others might even be insulted as they realize they were with the broken you, and now you are single and back to the better you, which can send the signal that you just didnt care about her when you were with her- especially if you didnt fight to get her back, or they will see if you force this image- (though some might start to feel rejected in return- i have witnessed this if its not forced and you did fight and chase her).

Still, Jim. If you do what I suggested, that is your gambit, because if it fails, you get closure and know you went above and beyond. Depending on how she reacts (if she does) you get to know how much of what she says is BS and best possible scenario she gives you a shot. I mean, go for it dude.

Great post, Hamma'

thanks for this...your posts help me out a lot hammer! you should seriously consider writing a book!

Great post, Thor, you have nailed it. Get yourself back, become the you that she was attracted to in the first place, then you will have a shot at getting her back.

The thing is when they are planning this exit, most likely you are still the guy she is losing attraction for. You are feeding her decision and you have no clue you are doing it

Spot on, I delivered all those bad traits few months before BU. Gonna add here a quote from the mail my ex sent me after BU;

"In fact, I stopped missing you as a boyfriend a long time ago, but I couldnt deal with that fact because you were my half, part of me, so I stayed so long in a relationship ...."

Its when the break happens, when you arent in her life feeding her the same negative unattractive traits, and any and all future contact, sight, thought of you is of being the "the you from before that she didnt want to leave" or "the you from before but more improved" that the feeding of her decision wont be as strong, she wont have as much validation that her decision was right.

One week after I went NC, she sends a mail in which she expresses her anger b/c I all of a sudden changed into a new person (working-out, socialising, going out, stopped delivering all those bad traits of needines, insecurity (read - went silent))

Others might even be insulted as they realize they were with the broken you, and now you are single and back to the better you, which can send the signal that you just didnt care about her when you were with her-

This can be tied to my sentence above.

especially if you didnt fight to get her back, or they will see if you force this image- (though some might start to feel rejected in return- i have witnessed this if its not forced and you did fight and chase her).

Hm, I did chased her almost 3 weeks after BU in a pretty wrong way (weakness, neediness) but finally realized I cant do anything b/c shes with another guy and from then went NC.