The "getting back together support thread"!!

Hello my friends...

I been posting on this forum for a while now (through 2 break ups) i have found a lot of negative stuff through these threads..and to be quite honest, it is not very helpful to people that are at their lowest

I have spoken to alot of ENAers on the forum and through PM's that would love to reconcile...so i thought i would start a thread where we could come together, share our experiences, get support, advice, share links to other pages where we can get info and advice, maybe share the things we have been doing towards reconciling with our ex's...

I know i will probably get ripped in to and told forget it!! NC all the way forget about the ex...but i don't want to and there are many here who don't, so them sort of comments don't help...

Let's get some positive energy going on around here

loulou x

you have gone through this before that ex? how did things end there?(the first ex)?

Yes lanna, this is my second time around within 2 years, i ended up getting back with my ex ex that brought me to this site, but it didn't last as we never spoke about the initial problem that broke us up....after that break up i totally fell to pieces, i mean breakdown

6 months later i met my now recent ex, he knew of what i went through before, i told him i was scared to fall for him but he told me to trust him..haha yea!! i trusted him..

oh well we live and learn...

loulou x

So they always come back

i also had a really bad breakup before this one,and usually somehow they come back,not always to "get you back" but still

I still talk to my ex ex, only now and again, he keeps asking me to come over and see him, but there is no way on this earth i would ever go back!! he hurt me bad and i really did not deserve what he done to me...although i have forgiven him, i cannot forget :s

like they say it's when you move in they seem to come out of the woodwork...

loulou x

Lou, I agree. Seems like the axiom is "misery loves company". I choose not to move on, which is my choice and it is very painful at times but I am hoping that something I say or do will reasonate with the woman I truly love. I hate it most days but I honestly love her. Her parents sent me a Christmas card, which was nice, but it was recently 1,000 days since we fell apart and neither of us have had a relationship with someone else since. So rightfully, or wrongly, I keep holding out hope.

hey loulou

good for you

I love it

I hope the negativity stays away ..because there are enough threads on here to write all that stuff and it would be nice

to see nothing but good , good and more good ..

I always view it that some posters are just trying to let us know the pitfalls and because they have been so hurt they want to just express this and to warn us.

not all of us can deal with the harsh approach ..as you know loulou I am more chocolate and hugs ..and this thread is fabulous ...

Have hope for dawn will always break

after the darkest night

that somewhere at the tunnels end will be a ray of light

that after bleakest winter

the sun will warm in May

have hope

keep looking forward

towards that happier day

xx

Thank you for starting this thread loulou!! I agree that this forum is mostly negative and the advice always tends to centre around forgetting our exes. I am in a similar situation to you and the lovely skippy, in that I have made a conscious choice to stay in contact with my ex and see what happens. It would probably be much easier to just move on, but I believe life is too precious and too short to not hope for something which truly feels right. I applaud those people who stick-it-out and show courage and strength. This does not mean that everyone else is wrong - just that we are all adults and can make our own choices. In these situations, I don't believe in 'black and white' or 'right and wrong'. Relationships really are not so simple!!

Lou, I agree. Seems like the axiom is "misery loves company". I choose not to move on, which is my choice and it is very painful at times but I am hoping that something I say or do will reasonate with the woman I truly love. I hate it most days but I honestly love her. Her parents sent me a Christmas card, which was nice, but it was recently 1,000 days since we fell apart and neither of us have had a relationship with someone else since. So rightfully, or wrongly, I keep holding out hope.

Hi skippy, you are right, it is terribly painful not to move on, but i don't know how i can do that when i love him so much...i think i will end up one of those lonely old women with the cats lol..i would rather that than anythng else...

I read this in blase harris' book....

Quote: your friends and aquintances may have assured you that there is more than one fish in the sea, more than one grain of sand on the beach. Those words are true, but empty! you are in love with a particular fish in the sea and a particular grain of sand.

loulou x

Bah although I hate too see the best of people hurting; good luck to you guys and keep us informed. My one piece of advice: your ex's met you when you were whole, for them to fall back in love; I assume you must be whole again as well.

I think if people are suggesting that you 'move on' they are saying it with your best intentions at heart. I am sure there are those who like to rain negativity regardless of the situation, but you just weed out the advice that you feel is going to be best for you. If you honestly feel in your heart waiting around for an ex that may or may not ever come back is best for YOU then go for it. You will decide when enough is enough. If you find yourself back here in six months or a year posting about the same ex....then I think thats when the real hard hitting advice starts. What you call negative..others call reality.

JMO.

hey loulou

 

good for you

 

I love it

 

I hope the negativity stays away ..because there are enough threads on here to write all that stuff and it would be nice

to see nothing but good , good and more good ..

 

I always view it that some posters are just trying to let us know the pitfalls and because they have been so hurt they want to just express this and to warn us.

 

not all of us can deal with the harsh approach ..as you know loulou I am more chocolate and hugs ..and this thread is fabulous ...

 

 

Have hope for dawn will always break

after the darkest night

that somewhere at the tunnels end will be a ray of light

that after bleakest winter

the sun will warm in May

have hope

keep looking forward

towards that happier day

 

xx

Hi shooting star...i knew you would be coming to join me

I understand some posters take a different view on what to do after a BU, I also have been burned before in my last relationship but i still believe that love is worth fighting for...if in the end, me and my ex don't end up together i've sure as hell got stronger through the fight...

loulou x

Bah although I hate too see the best of people hurting; good luck to you guys and keep us informed. My one piece of advice: your ex's met you when you were whole, for them to fall back in love; I assume you must be whole again as well.

of course Brian, we have got to get back to who we was, i know that and i am doing that

Brian, very true. Seems my approach is almost masochistic somedays but it is what I choose. Lou, I'm a guy and went to the shelter and got me a cat. And one day I heard a weak little voice meowing outside and it was a kitten not even as big as my hand!! I guess I'm getting in touch with my "girly" side. I'm much older than most of you here (59) and some nights I go to bed feeling as though I will never be loved again. harris' quote rings oh so true for me. Bless you all!!

I think if people are suggesting that you 'move on' they are saying it with your best intentions at heart. I am sure there are those who like to rain negativity regardless of the situation, but you just weed out the advice that you feel is going to be best for you. If you honestly feel in your heart waiting around for an ex that may or may not ever come back is best for YOU then go for it. You will decide when enough is enough. If you find yourself back here in six months or a year posting about the same ex....then I think thats when the real hard hitting advice starts. What you call negative..others call reality.

JMO.

I'm not sitting waitiing for anyone, i am getting on with my life...i think that's where people make the mistake, just because you want to be with a certain person it doesn't mean you are waiting around for them...i am moving on...there is nothing else i can do...my life moves forward, i can laugh, sing, dance, go out places, enjoy time with my kids etc etc...my life hasn't stopped!

loulou x

I like what brian said ..its true

and I am trying to adapt that ...

thankyou

skippy ..I am 45 and as far as I am concerned its not over till the fat lady sings

and there aint no fat lady singing here

Thank you for starting this thread loulou!! I agree that this forum is mostly negative and the advice always tends to centre around forgetting our exes. I am in a similar situation to you and the lovely skippy, in that I have made a conscious choice to stay in contact with my ex and see what happens. It would probably be much easier to just move on, but I believe life is too precious and too short to not hope for something which truly feels right. I applaud those people who stick-it-out and show courage and strength. This does not mean that everyone else is wrong - just that we are all adults and can make our own choices. In these situations, I don't believe in 'black and white' or 'right and wrong'. Relationships really are not so simple!!

You are so right jolbel, i have had a few relationships in my time, i'm not a young girl anymore, i am an adult and i do not want to go from guy to guy, relationship to relationship, i want to try and make this work, my man loved me and i loved him...it was outside influences that took their toll on us..i can't just walk away from what we had.

loulou x

Positivity breeds positivity..and we know what negativity breeds!! :s

Are we so wrong to want our ex's back? why do some people have such a problem with that? i just don't understand..

loulou x

I love your thread Lou! I always read in this forum but I rarely post. Reading a lot about positive threads helped me a lot.

We post here in Getting back together forum coz we want to reconcile so we need positive advices then.

If I want to heal then I'll transfer to another forum like the healing forum.

I am a firm believer in fighting for love. It is the foundation of humanity and a cause that is worth attaining.

Having said that, please know that it is never over until it is over. I know this is a cliche’ by notable New York Yankee,

Yoggi Berra but it is worth mentioning again. I believe in the age old adage, “Love Always Prevails”.

In closing, always know that any love worth having is worth fighting for.

Goodluck to all of US! We deserve a second chance. I hope one day I can post a successful story of mine

about getting back together...

I love what you said Popoloids, thanks for your input you are right, reading positive stories, quotes, whatever gives off a positive effect...

We need more of that, when i read negative stuff it just puts me in a bad place and i want to run away from that place as fast as i can!!!

loulou x

I have had little fantasies ( I need to get a life if my fantasies have boiled down to you lot) but yes . coming on and telling

you he just proposed or something haha

I may take it a bit far

but hey

its my fantasy , you lot get your own.

Thanks "Star". Just to make sure keep the the women away from the buffet, just to be safe!! Or if one starts singing, jam a roast down her gorbel!! Lou your thread has lightened my day. With some of the attitudes on here, it took some stones to start this. Thank you so much!!

Thanks "Star". Just to make sure keep the the women away from the buffet, just to be safe!! Or if one starts singing, jam a roast down her gorbel!!

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha .....oh god ...howling I am

I have had little fantasies ( I need to get a life if my fantasies have boiled down to you lot) but yes . coming on and telling

you he just proposed or something haha

 

I may take it a bit far

 

 

 

but hey

 

its my fantasy , you lot get your own.

Hey i think we all have those...it's just daydreaming, well that's my excuse ;-)

loulou x

I am one of the few posters that is currently in a successful reconciliation ---going on 10 months. To be honest, except for here, the word reconciliation is not part of my vocabulary. We are back together -- for the long haul, we both believe. We are not kids --- both over 50....no children, he was married before, I was not.

And while most do not want to hear this, what facilitated our getting back together was me leaving him alone. My thread is 100 day miracle --- you can get the details there for the most part. Life circumstances (his) broke us apart --- his choice. I wasn't happy to say the least -- I was devasted. But, in order to honor not only the man, but the relationship and the love we shared, I listened to him --- and told him to take whatever time he needed to get his life on track.

I was prepared for it to last a year. That it was only 4 months was indeed a blessing. But I did not contact him at all --- and this guy has his shop on my property. I didn't want to have meaningless chit chat, I didn't want to know his "progress" --- what I wanted was my partner back. And I knew there was nothing I could say or do that would change the pace of the progress.

He came back when he was ready. Period. And back he has stayed --- because it was his choice, his desire.