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How do I stop getting jealous of my girlfriend wearing sexy/revealing clothing?


ramster135

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I've been in this cyber relationship for almost a year now. We've been talking for almost 2 years and it started when my parents when to visit her parents in California (Im from Buffalo) and she messaged me on facebook. Ever since then we've webcammed and talked on the phone almost everyday. I love her more than anything and can't even imagine being with anyone else. We're planning on finally meeting and seeing eachother this coming March so hopefully everything works out and I do get to see her!

 

But anyways lets go to the point.....The other night she showed me this tight black dress that she got for work and likes to wear from time to time. She's a very classy girl and I do trust her completely, but when she put on the dress and showed me it put like a pit in my stomach. The dress doesnt even show any cleavage and isnt short, its just tight and I know guys will go nuts seeing her in it. I dont know what to do or how to get over this. I feel like im wrong because she is the best thing to ever happen to me and i know she would never do anything to hurt me....and i dont want to be too controlling and tell her what she can and can't wear. It just bothers me a lot and i don't know what to do. I'm trying to find a way to get over this but I need help. Like the other night she showed me two bathing suits she was deciding to get and asked me to choose one. That just drove me nuts.....even though I know it's just a bathing suit and im not gonna expect her to wear like a one piece. Any help or advice? Thanks!

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First, it is excellent that you recognize that you may be over-reacting. Kudos to you for that.

Second, How old are you two?

Third, I think you need to re-frame how you think about this. My ex loved when I wore clothes that showed a little extra skin (which was not often) because as he put it, "Every guy looks at and you but you mine. It's an awesome feeling."

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I'm 18 and so is my girlfriend. I understand why you put it that way but I just don't want any guys looking at her like that. Like I can't even imagine whats going through there head when they check her out. I don't know if im just being over protective or it's just the distance between us that's the cause of all this.

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Any advice on getting over being so over protective? Like I know I should just let her wear what she wants but how do I help the way it makes me feel? Also as corny as this sounds she is my first love so I think that just has something to do with it.

 

She is with you because she wants to be. If she didnt want to be she wouldnt be. Simple as that.

 

When any girl I was with was wearing dresses or heels and was majorly stressing about her clothes I would just tell her "I think you look great" to which she would reply "Im not doing it for you!". Over time I realised she was dressing up to compete with her friends. Mens opinions barely even figure.

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You guys are both really young. Like another poster said, as you get older and mature you will feel less over-protective. I will say, DO NOT tell you girlfriend what to wear or you will come off as controlling. You can't stop guys from looking at her. That's just a reality. No matter where she is or what she wears there will be men who are attracted to her. That is just reality. You cannot control that, you cannot control what she wears. Inner peace is really all about knowing what you do have control over and what you don't, accepting that there are just some things you cannot control and letting those things go.

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You guys are both really young. Like another poster said, as you get older and mature you will feel less over-protective. I will say, DO NOT tell you girlfriend what to wear or you will come off as controlling. You can't stop guys from looking at her. That's just a reality. No matter where she is or what she wears there will be men who are attracted to her. That is just reality. You cannot control that, you cannot control what she wears. Inner peace is really all about knowing what you do have control over and what you don't, accepting that there are just some things you cannot control and letting those things go.

 

Thanks your absolutely right. As time goes on hopefully I can mature and get over this. I appreciate everyones advice and comments so far.

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I'm 18 and so is my girlfriend. I understand why you put it that way but I just don't want any guys looking at her like that. Like I can't even imagine whats going through there head when they check her out. I don't know if im just being over protective or it's just the distance between us that's the cause of all this.

 

If you can see she is doing this because she wants to gain the attention of other men intentionally I can see where it will be of a concern.

The matter of the fact is.....other guys ARE going to look, they are going to make 'do want' face, they are potentially going to hit, they may attempt to make you look like a fool in front of your gf.

 

Men can be total douches when they see a hot female with a guy.

 

Most important thing to do is appreciate the fact your gf has the body and the confidence to wear such clothing.

Do not ever tell her to skimp down.

Bad move as it will cause a fight and would most likely leave you dumped.

Do not loose your cool when a guy hits on your gf while you are with her.

This will happen.

 

You just have to counteract it, by laughing at them or being the one showing them interest which they would have wished came from your gf for example.

I've done both, the latter made the guy pretty furious.

Not all guys are like this though, but from what I have gathered the sexier your gf dresses the more douche attention your gf will get regardless of you being there or not.

Also depends on the town it seems.

 

Haters are gonna hate.

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This type of thinking can ruin a lot of relationships, no matter what the motivation you have for feeling this way, some people will take it as insecurity. You want to project confidence and strength in a relationship. Either you learn it now, or in the future, either way you will learn it regardless if you continue dating, you might as well start now with this one.

 

And just because guys hit on her doesnt mean you will lose her, only insecure men feel this way. If a girl leaves you from the first few lines from a guy, then be HAPPY, because shes not girlfriend material, and you stopped from wasting any more time (trust me on this). So dont give her reason to accept other mens attention, and one reason that can feed her negativity to do so is any attempts of control or jealousy. Just breath out, let her live her life be happy and free, and be her boyfriend, not her dad or her parole officer.

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If it bothers you that much, why not casually broach the subject one day? I think you should wait until you meet in person to do this, though. People are willing to compromise on certain things once they're in a relationship -- but you guys haven't even reached that stage yet. As long as she isn't wearing provacative clothes every day, I don't see it as a huge issue. Just remember that many women don't like it when men try to dictate how they should dress. It's up to you to decide how much you like this girl and whether you'd be willing to live with this over the long haul.

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You guys are both really young. Like another poster said, as you get older and mature you will feel less over-protective. I will say, DO NOT tell you girlfriend what to wear or you will come off as controlling. You can't stop guys from looking at her. That's just a reality. No matter where she is or what she wears there will be men who are attracted to her. That is just reality. You cannot control that, you cannot control what she wears. Inner peace is really all about knowing what you do have control over and what you don't, accepting that there are just some things you cannot control and letting those things go.

 

Agreed! My first boyfriend tried to tell me what to wear, who to hang out with, and not workout because he was afraid other men would want me even more. At the time I was 19 and he was 22 and I dumped him because of the controlling behavior.

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