Magic of making up

i have this ebook i purchased it at the start of december. never really listened to it until the last few weeks

i think it has some really good advice and some of the things in it i have already been doing over the last month and have made me feel a bit better.

problem is i dont believe 30 days is long enough to contact im thinking closer to 45-60

would you agree? anyone else read this book before?

thanks

that book is garbage. ENA will help so much more and is free

I read it after I had already gone through 70 days of no contact. At the 1 month mark I also felt I wasn't ready. At the 2 month mark I started suffering from depression, and still decided I wasn't ready. The tips it gives on getting the first date are helpful though, and having a plan to follow gave me the courage to try at the 70 day mark.

I read it after I had already gone through 70 days of no contact. At the 1 month mark I also felt I wasn't ready. The tips it gives on getting the first date are helpful though.

i think you are correct about this. maybe some people are ready but i cant see how most people could be ready in such a small amount of time even the dumper might not be ready.

are you ready purplesmash?

Oh I was more than ready. The first date went really well, I was only slightly nervous at that point. Putting a time constraint on the date really helped alleviate pressure on myself and her. It helps to not have to worry about the next step, because before you know it the hour is up and the date ends on a high note.

One thing I think the book fails to mention is the need to restart the physical aspect of the relationship. It covers sex but there's more to it than that. On subsequent dates I was too worried about keeping it low pressure that I never even took the chance to kiss her, which is something I'm regretting at the moment.

I have read over 30 books on relationships and getting back together in the last four months, including this one. I think each had something worthwhile to say, but the problem is many of these are formulaic. There is no magic formula for getting back with an ex. Every situation is different. So, to say "use 45 days of NC, then write a letter saying you have something exciting to tell your ex, then meet for coffee, but only stay for ten minutes, then say you need to leave, etc." is just not the way to do it.

If an ex breaks up because they don't feel they are getting enough attention, how is NC going to change their perception of you? No contact seems to me to be used mostly for healing oneself. On the other hand, that NC can just lead to more heartache as it has in my case when my ex initiated breadcrumb-style contact after 45 days. My ex broke up with me because he has major abandonment issues. In this case, the idea of him coming back because of some strategy is unlikely to be successful until he works on things. Every situation is different and I have seen my friends get back with exes for a variety of reasons; sometimes they have remained friends, other times they have had no contact with no initial intention of reconciling, some have just run into each other at a bar and felt that spark again. It just depends.

I wish you the best!!!