Hi! I am 26 and my boyfriend and i recently split after 8 years and we have a 5 yr old son together. Our relationship in the beginning was on and off but has been steady for the past 4 or 5 years until now.. We have had many arguments but they always seem to come back to the fact that i don't swallow or take it in the mouth. I have tried it before in the past and really don't like it at all!!! Just the thought of it makes my stomach wretch and i cant even watch it in a porn without gagging and having to look away. Its always been a constant stigma between us, yet he knew this about me when we first got together. Now in all fairness, i have tried swallowing with him many times. I always have the same reaction. Gagging and/or throwing up.
What i hate the most about all this is how he makes me feel for not doing it. He says that swallowing is the ONLY way for me to prove to him, beyond a shadow of doubt that i would do anything for him. That doing the one thing that i hate most will show my undying love and devotion for him. Now don't get me wrong, i understand the symbolism behind it, but surely there are other ways for me show that i love him and would be willing to do anything for him.
Well according to him, there isn't!! He thinks I'm just being selfish and inconsiderate. Especially considering that all his female friends are pro-swallowing and i feel like I'm the only one who's not!
On one hand i feel like a failure for not being able to give him really the only thing he's ever asked for. On the other hand i cant help but be infuriated by the fact that in saying that, he makes it seem like everything else i've done for him meant nothing!!
Am i really such a horrible person?
