Am i some kinda freak for not swallowing?!?!

Hi! I am 26 and my boyfriend and i recently split after 8 years and we have a 5 yr old son together. Our relationship in the beginning was on and off but has been steady for the past 4 or 5 years until now.. We have had many arguments but they always seem to come back to the fact that i don't swallow or take it in the mouth. I have tried it before in the past and really don't like it at all!!! Just the thought of it makes my stomach wretch and i cant even watch it in a porn without gagging and having to look away. Its always been a constant stigma between us, yet he knew this about me when we first got together. Now in all fairness, i have tried swallowing with him many times. I always have the same reaction. Gagging and/or throwing up.

What i hate the most about all this is how he makes me feel for not doing it. He says that swallowing is the ONLY way for me to prove to him, beyond a shadow of doubt that i would do anything for him. That doing the one thing that i hate most will show my undying love and devotion for him. Now don't get me wrong, i understand the symbolism behind it, but surely there are other ways for me show that i love him and would be willing to do anything for him.

Well according to him, there isn't!! He thinks I'm just being selfish and inconsiderate. Especially considering that all his female friends are pro-swallowing and i feel like I'm the only one who's not!

On one hand i feel like a failure for not being able to give him really the only thing he's ever asked for. On the other hand i cant help but be infuriated by the fact that in saying that, he makes it seem like everything else i've done for him meant nothing!!

Am i really such a horrible person?

No, he sounds like his priorities are massively messed up, especially considering that you have a son together.

Agreed. I read your post in awe a little bit, being a 20-something male myself I don't expect any of my female partners to do something like that if they're not comfortable (especially considering the reaction it gives you).

I don't want to say anything about him, as I don't know him but I can say that you are not a horrible person, of course not. I think you know you're not a bad person but are looking for reassurance, so here it is. That's a petty issue he needs to get over, seeing how you sacrificed yourself for 9+ months for his baby, remained by his side, have sex with him (I'm assuming) etc.

He needs to get his priorities straight like agent said. Good luck.

I'm a guy, and I think a girl swallowing is disgusting. You're perfectly normal for not wanting to swallow semen.

he watches too much porn

he watches too much porn

Bingo. Porn distorts your view of sexuality.

It's an "Each to their own" issue. Some girls love anal, some don't. Some guys love giving oral. Some don't like giving it at all. It's just a preference that's all. He sounds like he's on a power-trip more than anything else.

If you said you had a huge problem with giving a blowjob, I could SOMEWHAT understand if he was upset about it. Personally I have the same feeling as ^ and have never had any inclination of asking a girl to swallow.

Your boyfriend has every right to want this though. It's your call on whether you want to give it to him. It doesn't make you a horrible person but there lies your boundary.

I bet he wrinkles his nose in disgust at the suggestion of tasting his own bodily fluid. YET, he believes someone else should ingest it. Madness. If anyone ever asked me to do that, I'd say--right after you.

I think the most repulsive part of the suggestion would be the sense of entitlement in his tone...like it were somewhere in the constitution...

Please DO NOT do anything you find disgusting. That doesn't make you a horrible person.

No you're not a horrible person. If you refused to suck it at all I could see him complaining, but the fact that you won't swallow doesn't really have anything to do with his physical pleasure.. it just suggests that he gets some sadistic mental pleasure out of seeing you doing something which is gross to you.. which is very disturbing.

I told my boyfriend from the first hookup, I do not let guys go in my mouth. he was fine with it because hell yeah he was getting head!

we have been together 6 years.... this past year I finally decided to let him go in my mouth and see how I can handle it.... I was all good til I became aware of "what was happening" and started gagging and almost threw up but he was totally cool with it! he was happy I decided to finally give it a chance.

he of course asks me everytime I give him head now if I am going to let him and I tell him HELL NO!!! but every once in awhile, I do let him because I know how much he likes it. and he is always grateful that I am giving it a chance. (and I like it every once in awhile because every time it seems to get easier for me to handle)

your bf should not be making you feel like crap for not wanting to swallow. it is a jerk move. he should want to make you feel comfortable and secure about your sex life.

I have no issue with swallowing (it's one of those things that turn me on) but yeah, he was completely out of line. I would have told him (if I personally were against swallowing) to try it himself if he thinks it's the bees-knees.

No you're not a horrible person. If you refused to suck it at all I could see him complaining, but the fact that you won't swallow doesn't really have anything to do with his physical pleasure.. it just suggests that he gets some sadistic mental pleasure out of seeing you doing something which is gross to you.. which is very disturbing.

I agree. He's using manipulation, and mental abuse to persuade you to do this. He's has issues!

We had a very healthy sex life and I'm always up for trying new things if for no other reason than to keep things interesting. Me not swallowing was just the final straw for us. We're both just too stubborn and we found ourselves at a stalemate. Neither of us would give in so that was that.

Bingo. Porn distorts your view of sexuality.

I can assure you that people have been swallowing long before porn was an industry. You can find references to it in classic literature, etc.

Clearly, this is just a preference issue on the OP's part. At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter specifically what particular act she has an issue with. The main point is that her partner is putting undo pressure and coming up with false ultimatums in order to push her to act a certain way. That's really the issue here.

If you said you had a huge problem with giving a blowjob, I could SOMEWHAT understand if he was upset about it. Personally I have the same feeling as ^ and have never had any inclination of asking a girl to swallow.

 

Your boyfriend has every right to want this though. It's your call on whether you want to give it to him. It doesn't make you a horrible person but there lies your boundary.

i don't resent him for asking, i just wish he would understand why i don't want to.

i don't resent him for asking, i just wish he would understand why i don't want to.

Just tell him you're uncomfortable with it at this point. It's not as if it gives him additional pleasure to finish in your mouth. He should be happy he's getting head at all.

Just tell him you're uncomfortable with it at this point. It's not as if it gives him additional pleasure to finish in your mouth. He should be happy he's getting head at all.

but thats just it. he says that im keeping him from having an orgasm if i dont. can we say guilt trip from hell!

I've been with girls that LOVE to swallow (which I find gross, but if they like it, i'm okay with it ...it does feel really intense), and girls that don't do it at all. You're not weird or a bad person for not wanting to do this. I think it's kind of like eating snot - it's F'ing gross!

I also agree, I think porn has created some really disturbing trends in the sexuality of our society. Domination and humiliation are just a couple.

I can assure you that people have been swallowing long before porn was an industry. You can find references to it in classic literature, etc.

 

Clearly, this is just a preference issue on the OP's part. At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter specifically what particular act she has an issue with. The main point is that her partner is putting undo pressure and coming up with false ultimatums in order to push her to act a certain way. That's really the issue here.

That wasn't really my point. Porn distorts sexuality. I know from firsthand experience. My view of women was as total objects, not as human beings with feelings. I didn't care about what they wanted or didn't want. It didn't matter.

Dropping porn opened my eyes to this. Porn could be a plausible explanation as to why he's trying to force or manipulate her into doing it because he might have seen women either enjoying it or pretending to enjoy it on a screen. Unconsciously this could make him feel like all women should enjoy it, and that she's wrong for not enjoying it.

but thats just it. he says that im keeping him from having an orgasm if i dont. can we say guilt trip from hell!

Give me a break.. ](*,) Don't buy into that at all, the second it takes your mouth to come off his penis he goes flaccid? He's just guilt tripping you and being manipulative.

That wasn't really my point. Porn distorts sexuality. I know from firsthand experience. My view of women was as total objects, not as human beings with feelings. I didn't care about what they wanted or didn't want. It didn't matter.

That's probably because YOU had a porn addiction. Don't generalize.

Give me a break.. ](*,) Don't buy into that at all, the second it takes your mouth to come off his penis he goes flaccid? He's just guilt tripping you and being manipulative.

 

 

 

That's probably because YOU had a porn addiction. Don't generalize.

I'm not generalizing. If porn distorts sexuality for one person, then it has a capability of doing so. That's a fact. Also, if you'll read my post more carefully, you'll notice I said it was a plausible explanation, not that it was the explanation.

That wasn't really my point. Porn distorts sexuality. I know from firsthand experience. My view of women was as total objects, not as human beings with feelings. I didn't care about what they wanted or didn't want. It didn't matter.

 

Dropping porn opened my eyes to this. Porn could be a plausible explanation as to why he's trying to force or manipulate her into doing it because he might have seen women either enjoying it or pretending to enjoy it on a screen. Unconsciously this could make him feel like all women should enjoy it, and that she's wrong for not enjoying it.

Porn doesn't distort everyone's sexuality - sure, it could be a reason for him pushing or he simply could be a jerk.

Porn doesn't distort everyone's sexuality - sure, it could be a reason for him pushing or he simply could be a jerk.

Right, I agree with you.

That wasn't really my point. Porn distorts sexuality. I know from firsthand experience. My view of women was as total objects, not as human beings with feelings. I didn't care about what they wanted or didn't want. It didn't matter.

 

Dropping porn opened my eyes to this. Porn could be a plausible explanation as to why he's trying to force or manipulate her into doing it because he might have seen women either enjoying it or pretending to enjoy it on a screen. Unconsciously this could make him feel like all women should enjoy it, and that she's wrong for not enjoying it.

he does watch ALOT of porn and is constantly on adult websites. even though his porn collection is small, their all about swallowing. now i've known since the beginning that he is a very sexual person. in fact, thats one of the things that turned me on about him.