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Thread: How do you stop feeling so insecure about boyfriend going to bar with his friend

  1. #11
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    My issue here is probably from my past. No, I know it is. I had an ex bf from years ago. He probably went to bars like 2-4 days a week. It wasnt just that, he was a flirt. He would attend the lingerie shows there and take pictures with the girls who apparently knew him by 1st name. I tried to make friends with the girls, but it didnt help because when he made a comment about how good she looked in the thong, it showed no regard for me. Anyways, that is the past, but you know how the past has a way of coming back and biting you in the behind! were going to be living together before too long, so I am just letting him enjoy his time right now and trying to relax about it as difficult as it is not to worry.

  2. #12
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    He texts you while he's out with the boys?

    Okay, let me get this straight...

    He TEXTS YOU while he's OUT WITH THE BOYS?!

    KEEPER.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by justagirl09
    My issue here is probably from my past. No, I know it is. I had an ex bf from years ago. He probably went to bars like 2-4 days a week. It wasnt just that, he was a flirt. He would attend the lingerie shows there and take pictures with the girls who apparently knew him by 1st name. I tried to make friends with the girls, but it didnt help because when he made a comment about how good she looked in the thong, it showed no regard for me. Anyways, that is the past, but you know how the past has a way of coming back and biting you in the behind! were going to be living together before too long, so I am just letting him enjoy his time right now and trying to relax about it as difficult as it is not to worry.
    I feel for you. I let my college girlfriend go out with the girls. I was 20, she was 21, and I couldn't hit the bars with her. She dumped me for a guy she met there one night. They got married a year later.

    Fast forward to today, I had an awesome girlfriend, whom I encouraged to have her own life outside our relationship. She went out with the girls one too many times. I started to get upset. Like your man, my girl would often text me while she was out, telling me she was thinking of me. Eventually I broke down, had a hard time with it, and she dumped me. Don't make the same mistake I did.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Tom1990
    He texts you while he's out with the boys?

    Okay, let me get this straight...

    He TEXTS YOU while he's OUT WITH THE BOYS?!

    KEEPER.
    Yes, he texts me periodically and then he calls me when gets home lol

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Tom1990
    I feel for you. I let my college girlfriend go out with the girls. I was 20, she was 21, and I couldn't hit the bars with her. She dumped me for a guy she met there one night. They got married a year later.

    Fast forward to today, I had an awesome girlfriend, whom I encouraged to have her own life outside our relationship. She went out with the girls one too many times. I started to get upset. Like your man, my girl would often text me while she was out, telling me she was thinking of me. Eventually I broke down, had a hard time with it, and she dumped me. Don't make the same mistake I did.
    I am sorry, it is hard to deal with, i know. I am ok with him going once a week as long as it is only guys. He has female friends too, but unless its a large group, I am not ok with that and he understands that. So, with that being said, if he wants to go out with his buddy once a week, its fine.

  7. #16
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    I kinda had a feeling you were probably like me...affected negatively by a past relationship. This is something we as humans can't help. We are all the product of our experiences.

    That is exactly what's going on with me. My bf WAS texting me from the bar, but that has tapered off. That, combined with him expressing a desire to do MORE of this bar-going WITHOUT ME and spending less time with me...PLUS he comes back from the bar, telling me about girls that are hot for him...it's giving me some serious issues that are threatening our relationship.

    Let's face it - we all know bars can be totally unconducive places for relationships. People go to bars..why? To get drunk. To hook up. Neither of which is good for a rel'ship..I mean, unless you're going to a bar to see a band..or maybe do karaoke or something. That's different. So..your unease, even if you DIDN'T have a bad experience from before, is understandable.

    HOWEVER...I think you don't have much to worry about.

    Let's look at your situation, versus mine:

    1) Your boyfriend doesn't go to the bar without you that often.

    Now, like I said..if this changes, and he starts wanting to go more, like my bf is, and it cuts into your alone time..then yeah. You may develop an issue with it.

    2) Your boyfriend texts you the whole time..that's great! You know he's thinking of you. Most importantly, he calls you when he gets home. That's awesome. That means, he wants to reassure you that a) he didn't go home with some bar floozy and b) he got home safely.

    That's AWESOME!

    Once again, if that behavior changes, you may want to reconsider your approval of this behavior.

    My bf did all these things, too, but now he's not. So..he and I need to discuss all this, and if he's not willing to change, I may have to walk. I just know in my heart, I cannot be in another situation like I was with my ex, ever again.

    HOpefully this won't happen to you.

    Originally Posted by justagirl09
    I am sorry, it is hard to deal with, i know. I am ok with him going once a week as long as it is only guys. He has female friends too, but unless its a large group, I am not ok with that and he understands that. So, with that being said, if he wants to go out with his buddy once a week, its fine.

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