Considering an Annulment

I am Catholic and the thought of never being able to marry again depresses me greatly so I have opted to look into an annulment. I did some research but I am verifying with the priest at my church to see if what I found is true. I was most worried about the affects on my daughter (I do not want to make her illegitimate), which I discovered is not part of the annulment process. So if I find that she would still be considered a legitimate child I will attempt the annulment process with the church, if not I won't even though it would make me miserable it's what would be best for her. I can't wait to hear from the priest. One thing meeting the Englishman did for me was show me how I needed to prepare myself for a relationship, how I'm not truly ready to be with someone yet and this is one of the things I came up with.

I hope it works out, Jetta. I know several people who got annulments and are now in long term marriages, and I hope the annulment goes through for you.

I thought you were married twice? Sorry if I'm not remembering correctly.

I don't want to start a debate on religion, but can you get an annulment if you're already divorced? That's like saying that the marriage never happened. That's fine if he lied to you about something major (like telling you he wanted kids and then changed his mind after marriage) or he told you he was gay a few weeks after getting married. But you two had a child, so it's not like nothing ever happened. You can't just take an eraser to the past.

Yes I was, the church doesn't consider the first marriage because it was done by a judge, no annulment was necessary. They don't change the legalities, they work with the spiritual side is what I have read. I've e-mailed the priest he'll tell me whatever he needs to tell me based on the information he has about me.

Well... gosh, how to say this without getting into a religious debate or sounding like a witch.....

In my eyes, an annulment means that the marriage never existed - there was something fundamentally wrong or a huge lie and it made it not real. It wasn't real. You had one marriage, which somehow the church doesn't recognize as "real" because a judge performed it (and you had a son from that marriage, no?) And then the second was done in the church, but now you want it erased? But - to you, do you think that your marriages were real? I mean, I'm not talking legal/church technicalities and mumbo jumbo. At one point, you loved these two men, and you produced two children, and you had a real relationship, even if it was flawed and ultimately didn't work out???

I mean, maybe you should just accept your lumps - you married two guys, it didn't work - I don't think you get to call yourself "never married." You want to get a third marriage in a Catholic Church? Why??

Because I want to be able to marry a Catholic man, that is why. I married a Protestant he claimed, a Lutheran who didn't take anything about our marriage seriously. Now I want to be with a man who is of the same religion as myself and that requires me to make myself available to marry in the Church. I took my marriages very seriously, they didn't.

If you took your marriage seriously (even if they didn't), I still don't see how you can erase it like it never even happened. It's not like Britney Spears who went to Vegas, got trashed and married some dude and got it annulled 55 hours later. I mean - there was a child - you tried, I guess fundamentally, you can't say you were never married. Can you and the Catholic guy get married by a judge? And besides - how long have you been dating this man!?!? it can't be for too long. Do you really think getting married again is a great idea?

I'm not doing this for him, I'm doing this because I've realized what is holding me back from moving forward in life. Who says I'll even marry in a Catholic Church again, I just want to be free to marry according the church otherwise I'm an adulterer for life, which is horrid in and of itself.

"Though a Decree of Nullity (as annulment is formally known) establishes that the marriage was never valid in the sacramental sense, their one-time civil marriage is sufficient for legitimacy, and annulment can't affect children's status retroactively."

I'm not doing this for him, I'm doing this because I've realized what is holding me back from moving forward in life. Who says I'll even marry in a Catholic Church again, I just want to be free to marry according the church otherwise I'm an adulterer for life, which is horrid in and of itself.

Well, again, not to debate religion.... but you're not an adulterer. you just have 2 failed marriages. if you didn't cheat on them, you're not an adulterer. Ok, maybe I should bow out now, but it seems a bit silly to me to want to get married, to belong to a religion, but then make up ways to erase the marriages later. It's one thing to get divorced (we tried, it didn't work), but it's another thing to say "It never even happened." Seems not quite honest in my opinion - and the judge thing sounds like a ridiculous technicality. And maybe not fair to people who genuinely have never been married.

Does this man know you've been married twice?

I have to say I'm with Annie. If you had been married for like a few hours or even a week okay, fine, annuletment it is. You had a CHILD together - as much as you want to take an eraser to your past Jetta, you can't. No piece of paper is going to erase the fact you got married and had a child. Not quite sure how this won't effect your child seeing as if the marriage never happened spiritually than any child from that union would be considered a child out of wedlock, no? Because you can't have a child IN wedlock if there was no marriage.

If you feel divorce is what you need, then do it. I think it's better to leave than staying and making the situation worse anyway.

If you feel divorce is what you need, then do it. I think it's better to leave than staying and making the situation worse anyway.

well, she's already divorced. has been for several years.

well, she's already divorced. has been for several years.

Oh well, life goes on.

Annie, that religion requires you to have an annulment if you want out of a marriage, Or they dont recognize you as being divorced at all. Thus, being an adulterer if you want to marry again, and having it honored by the church. They believe this is the only way God sees a marriage as over. Its a Catholic thing, not a state thing. I think what she's saying is she wants to abide by her church laws so shes able to marry again in her church and have it be honored as a marriage. Outside of this, they wont consider her new marriage, but consider her living in sin with the man.

For an annulment, don't you have to go to a lawyer/judge to get it cleared? Like Annie stated, an annulment is basically wiping the marriage of the records and saying that it never happened, and I'm fairly certain you need to present to your lawyer/judge an extremely good reason for the annulment to take place - in legal terms a diriment impediment to the marriage. Some reasons that lawyers/judges might accept are:

- Being related to the person and not realising (consanguinity)

- Insanity or mental illness when consenting to be married

- If one of you had deceived the other in any way about who they are and their marriage to you

- Abduction of a person and forcing them to marry

- Under the influence of alcohol or drugs when marrying

- Failure to adhere to requirements of canon law for marriages

etc

If you don't have a very good reason such as one of these I'm fairly certain you won't be able to get an annulment?

Legal Annulments and catholic/religious annulments are two separate and independent things. There is no point arguing (and this is not the platform for it) about the rational/logical aspects behind a religious annulment (which doesn't interfere with the legal status of a divorce; i.e on state/legal documents you are still under the category of 'divorced').

As far as I know, for a catholic annulment you have to prove (i.e. provide documentation and witnesses) that AT THE POINT OF ENTERING THE MARRIAGE one of you at least was emotionally/mentally not fit to understand the meaning of marriage and to be in a marriage in the catholic understanding. You can't just claim 'he wasn't ready' - you need to provide documentation.

While I recognize your wish for another marriage to be sanctioned by your church community, I would cautious you what effect it may have on your daughter - yes her legal/religious legitimacy status will not be affected - but think about what message you are sending to her: that essentially the relationship from which she was born should never have happened, i.e. that she should never have been born. The few times that I witnessed an annulment take place, the kids resented it for a very long time and had a very strained relationship with the person who requested the annulment.

There is a lot of misinformation on this thread about this topic.

A Catholic annulment is not saying the relationship never happened...it's stating the marriage was 'invalid" and basically saying it's null and void. There are various reasons why a person can and/or will get an annulment. In the Catholic church, a marriage between two people is considered a Sacrament and a spiritual union that cannot be broken just by getting a legal/civil divorce.

Even with a legal divorce, one would still be considered spiritually married in the eyes of the Church unless that person was to receive an annulment by the Church. This would absolve that person of not being able to remarry again in the church.

Receiving an annulment has no bearing on the children born within the marriage. Annuling is saying the spiritual union is invalid, not the legal aspects and certainly does not mean your children are illegitimate or born out of wedlock.

My mother received an annulment long after she received a legal divorce. It's not hard to get an annulment if you can show that one of the partners was clearly not committed to the marriage as the case was with my father.

A Church annulment and a civil annulment is not the same thing. You can be annuled by the Church and still not be able to receive a civil annulment, but a legal divorce is available to anyone.

link removed

Reasons the Church will consider annulment and remarriage.

To answer the question about the guy, yes he knows I have been legally married twice. Once by a judge and another by a Deacon of the Catholic Church. I've been very forthright with him, not all guys but him for some reason (must be the distance). I'm heading to bed, thank you for the information about it, I will read more later.