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Thread: Trivial arguments

  1. #1
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2011

    Trivial arguments

    Once in awhile me and my bf get into small trivial arguments like tonight. Tonight I called him around 8:30pm, I hadn't heard from him all day, I knew he was sick so he picked up and he was in the bathroom. Sometimes I wouldn't be able to hear him bc of the echo in his bathroom so I said "i think it's because ur in the bathroom I can't really hear you" I didn't raise my voice anything, I said it calmy. He told me to chill out and calm down and that he had his phone on his shoulder so I was confused why he thought I was angry with him, I simply couldn't hear him. He said he had stayed home sick and I was irritated he told me to calm down and chill out when I had said nothing wrong. I told him I was going to hang up the phone now and said goodbye. He called back saying he just stepped outside now to talk to me. From there, I told him I didn't understand why he got annoyed I couldn't hear him and then I talked about how I had a bad day at work and afterwards he said he was going to let me off the phone since I was being grumpy. I then got more annoyed because I wasn't even yelling, I was calmy telling him how I didn't have a good day at work and I just wanted to talk to him. The rest of the conversation just went sour, I still couldn't understand why he thought I was angry, I said how else could I say nicely I really couldn't hear you when you were in the bathroom with the echo. He then tried to go on about how sorry he was about my bad day (sounded forced, he was trying, but it sounded so artificial) and I said I hoped he felt better (he was sick) and then I said I was going to go now and then said bye and hung up. I texted a few minutes later saying "I think you misunderstand me a lot". I know exactly how I talked to him, I didn't yell, so I don't understand why he got annoyed that I got irritated when I had a bad day and he said I was being grumpy, that doesn't really help. He never bothered to reply to my text, oh well. I'm sure we'll get over this in the morning, but this kind of stupid argument happens once in awhile and I really do think sometimes he misinterprets my irritation with anger but I'm usually calm and polite how I say things. How do we avoid this? I guess we can't. I can understand if I was yelling, but I was just being totally mellow about the whole thing and only got irritated when he told me to chill out (like my voice couldn't have been any calmer) and told me I was being grumpy, ugh. He said he was sorry he couldn't say the right things, blah blah blah. Sigh...

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    It's not just yelling that makes people think you are angry - it's tone of voice. Perhaps yours isn't as calm as you think it is when you are irritated.

    You had a very similar thread to this last month.

  3. #3
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Before when I used not be able to hear him ( he has a thick phone case for his iPhone) I would get annoyed a bit, but I've learned how say things better and this time I said it very casually, but I think maybe hearing it from the past when I really did get annoyed from not being able to hear him, he associated it with that. Thats probably why I was frustrated because I did say it really nicely these past few times, but he probably just assumes of how I maybe said it in the past he thought I was being angry again when the past few times I really have said it in a sincere manner. I try to watch how I say things like not using words like "ever" or "never" or attacking, I try to stay neutral but I think sometimes he feels like he's being attacked when I wasn't trying to blame him. When he told me to chill out and calm down, it didn't really make any sense, i think from an outside person they would have even not understood since I was totally chill about it. Maybe he was frustrated that I couldn't hear him, who knows. Sometimes I do think he can misinterpret somtehing small into something he may think it's a big deal to me, but it really wasn't, it's just how he reacts to something I say that bothers me and from there it sort of escalates into the dumbest argument. I just tried calling him back and he didn't pick up, ugh. I don't like going to sleep knowing it feels like this.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member petite's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    It could be your tone of voice or him just being extra sensitive and picking at little things to argue about, particularly if he is stick he is bound to be more agitated. If this is a continuous issue then you need to have a talk about it and really discuss what it is that irritates him and makes him think that you're angry.

  5. #5
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Sometimes arguments about trivial things are manifestations of problems larger, and of more meaning. I know in my past relationship we would squabble about the most minute things, but with the help of hindsight, I realized that there were pent-up resentments from bigger issues that we were both expressing our frustration through minor things that shouldn't have warranted a big argument. In my case, unconsciously I believe I was resentful of comments she had made several times before by muttering to me that she regretted being with me ("If I only knew this about you before...") and it all came out over something silly: it provided me an outlet to lash out at her. Same thing with her: something as trivial as my place being too uncomfortable hot inside and me trying to defuse the situation with humor caused her to blow up at me because she was being stressed with her ex harassing her and not telling me what was wrong (which incidentally later led to our breakup and her shockingly going back to him). So I will ask you, are things going on that are unaddressed and causing stress in your relationship thereby letting seemingly little things (under the guise of something bigger) trigger these arguments?


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