Ex-Boyfriend's Dating Someone More Successful Than Me- Thoughts?

Well, technically not dating but going on a date.

I snooped.

I shouldn't have, I know.

But as of recently, I feel so low about myself. I don't feel like a successful attractive man would see much in me.

I'm currently a med student after getting a BSci. So I never really went into the working force to get a career so to speak.

My career will be at 30.

But this girl I'm assuming is earning a good 70k and she's very pretty and thin.

I consider myself quite attractive. I wouldn't say she's above or below my attractiveness level.

I work out regularly, as in I lift weights regularly. I think I have a better body than she does. I speak 3 languages fluently.

But I don't have the career now. I'm just a poor student.

I've been so emotional lately.

I'm very much attracted to and prefer dating older men (5-10 years) that already have careers and are financially stable.

I just don't like men my age. Please, Enaers, don't push this onto me.

Have any of you on here felt this way?

Sometimes, I get a bit jealous of those girls that are extremely attractive yet are like hairdressers. They hold themselves like queens and date very successful men. Not all of them but I've seen plentiful bomb shells dating lawyers, doctors, etc.

Anyone feel this way at times?

I mean, this is the reality for the men interested in me- I'm sorry, but I'll be on my feet at 29ish, not 24. How can they blame me for not having a career? I mean....

Depressed.

I guess the main question you should ask yourself is why is your view of relationships and attraction so performance-based?

I guess the main question you should ask yourself is why is your view of relationships and attraction so performance-based?

That is my priority. People may go on here and bash my priorities but that's my priorities- a man with a successful career. Good looks too. And active lifestyle.

Before you go on bashing that, think about your physical preferences. Why not go for something you are not attracted to?

No one bashed. It was just a question for self-evaluation. Another question would be why do you get so defensive at such questions? I think if you'll explore these things, you might find the root cause of your unhappiness.

I'm the poor student too and won't start my true career at 27/28 and I think it just gets old fast because you have to be so mindful about money. However, all you can do is continue to work hard, and channel your emotional energy into your workouts, friends, hobbies, arts and more. Also people may tend you see your low confidence, and that is what makes you unattractive, not because you do not have a career.

Well, OP...it would appear that you're judging yourself by your own standards.

So I'm not sure what your question is here.

I'm the poor student too and won't start my true career at 27/28 and I think it just gets old fast because you have to be so mindful about money. However, all you can do is continue to work hard, and channel your emotional energy into your workouts, friends, hobbies, arts and more. Also people may tend you see your low confidence, and that is what makes you unattractive, not because you do not have a career.

Yeah but it's like this.....Case in point.

The girl's overweight and though she does have a good degree and a good career, she's aiming for the Brad Pitt that's also a professional. She's a 5 in looks and he's a 10. And she's huntin' him down....

While here is the other girl who is between an 8-10, great super model body, educated, still in school except without the cash...and she thinks she doesn't deserve a guy like that!

What's wrong with this picture???

That is my priority. People may go on here and bash my priorities but that's my priorities- a man with a successful career. Good looks too. And active lifestyle.

 

Before you go on bashing that, think about your physical preferences. Why not go for something you are not attracted to?

Wow. I don't think that poster was bashing you at all. You seem really sensitive. Maybe that's a bigger issue to tackle than anything else?

That is my priority. People may go on here and bash my priorities but that's my priorities- a man with a successful career. Good looks too. And active lifestyle.

 

Before you go on bashing that, think about your physical preferences. Why not go for something you are not attracted to?

Gosh .... perhaps attitude has something to do with it.

I agree with sweetooth, confidence (not over confidence though) is a very attractive quality to have ... doesn't matter if you are a lawyer, doctor or hairdresser!!

Well, OP...it would appear that you're judging yourself by your own standards.

 

So I'm not sure what your question is here.

You're right. I am judging myself by my own standards. But it just bugs me because I want to be already the career woman and I can't be because of time and school and and......But I want the man who already is successful. Yet the problem is that I don't want a large gap between us either.

Wow. I don't think that poster was bashing you at all. You seem really sensitive. Maybe that's a bigger issue to tackle than anything else?

No one was bashing me on here but I did get bashed in the past, hence I was trying to ward off the bashers. Sorry.

You're right. I am judging myself by my own standards. But it just bugs me because I want to be already the career woman and I can't be because of time and school and and......But I want the man who already is successful. Yet the problem is that I don't want a large gap between us either.

Double standards suck, huh?

Yeah but it's like this.....Case in point.

The girl's overweight and though she does have a good degree and a good career, she's aiming for the Brad Pitt that's also a professional. She's a 5 in looks and he's a 10. And she's huntin' him down....

While here is the other girl who is between an 8-10, great super model body, educated, still in school except without the cash...and she thinks she doesn't deserve a guy like that!

 

What's wrong with this picture???

Umm, you said she was thin in your opening post! If all you have done is to have found out that your ex is going on a date with this girl, how on earth do you know what she is looking for!!

What you have actually said here is that you are better than her in every way other than money. Like I said .... its all about attitude!

Double standards suck, huh?

I'm sorry Male, but most women prefer men who are generally better off financially and that is largely due to biological reasons.

Umm, you said she was thin in your opening post! If all you have done is to have found out that your ex is going on a date with this girl, how on earth do you know what she is looking for!!

I never said that. I do believe I am prettier than her but that is subjective. When I see a prettier girl than me, I know it and I'm not afraid to admit it.

I was a student who recently graduated at 28 and started my career. I think the frustration you're going through is completely normal for graduate students. I think this lifestyle has a lot of uncertainties and requires a lot of internal motivation/commitment. It's especially hard when most of your peers have jobs and appear to be moving on with their lives or you see people that appear to have chosen less complicated paths.

Unfortunately, it's just something you have to accept, especially if you want to date older, more established guys rather than your student peers. They have their careers and are used to a certain standard of lifestyle. They are financially and mentally in a different phase of life. If they are serious about long term potential, they are probably looking for partners who are in similar phases of life.

But without more information I also think you are displacing some of your frustration and standards onto your ex/men. Could you give some more information? What did your ex do or say to make you feel this way?

I'm sorry Male, but most women prefer men who are generally better off financially and that is largely due to biological reasons.

I think you mean evolutionary reasons. Biology doesn't have much to say about income

Anyway, I agree with you and don't have a problem with women wanting successful men. That wasn't my point. If that's all you're about and you don't want to wait till 30, then....get this.....

Don't.

See? It's your choice, isn't it? If you're jealous that all the hair dressers and models are snatching up the successful men, then drop out of med school, go find your local beauty parlor and start learning your way around a head of hair!

I'm sorry Male, but most women prefer men who are generally better off financially and that is largely due to biological reasons.

You are speaking very much for yourself here. My ex-husband has a very successful business, earns an extremely good wage. We had a fantastic lifestyle, money-wise. My bf isn't earning anything at all at the moment whilst he is in the throws of setting up his own business ... and who knows how well that will do. I wouldn't change a thing or go back to what I had for all the tea in China.

I don't think that most men care too much about a woman's profession or future profession. Maybe just that she has one, that she is bringing home money and has time to spend with him. So in some ways, I think some men might be more interested in the hair dresser (with a flexible schedule) than the university professor who is always on the run and doesn't have time for her bf. Just a thought. But of course, there is someone out there for everyone.

That is my priority. People may go on here and bash my priorities but that's my priorities- a man with a successful career. Good looks too. And active lifestyle.

 

Before you go on bashing that, think about your physical preferences. Why not go for something you are not attracted to?

Well, I think you might be putting the cart before the horse. I don't think it's reasonable to expect a partner to be financially successful if you aren't currently in the same boat. You'll likely find that standard more reasonable once you're actually in the workforce. That's not to say that some successfully guys don't care about it and focus on more superficial things (looks, etc) but that won't be true much of the time.

I never said that. I do believe I am prettier than her but that is subjective. When I see a prettier girl than me, I know it and I'm not afraid to admit it.

I must have misunderstood what you said here then .....

But this girl I'm assuming is earning a good 70k and but she's very pretty and thin.

It really just sounds like you've made your situation very difficult and are depressed about it. It's cliche, but you reap what you sow. Let's bullet list the points you've made already:

- You want a guy 5-10 years older than you, likely discounting most guys in your age group (and potentially most guys enrolled in the same medical program as you)

- You want a guy who's already financially successful

- You want a guy who's handsome and with an active lifestyle

- You want a guy who will consider you even though you essentially bring "nothing to the table" from a career standpoint yet

I'm not trying to be rude, but if these are your standards you shouldn't be shocked or surprised that things are not coming easy.

Yeah but it's like this.....Case in point.

The girl's overweight and though she does have a good degree and a good career, she's aiming for the Brad Pitt that's also a professional. She's a 5 in looks and he's a 10. And she's huntin' him down....

So what if the girl is overweight? Maybe the guy likes it and likes her for all that she is (i.e body and mind). So what if she aims for the Brad Pitt who is also a professional? I say good for her. Confidence is attractive. They guy is more attractive then her? Maybe she offers him something above her looks...

While here is the other girl who is between an 8-10, great super model body, educated, still in school except without the cash...and she thinks she doesn't deserve a guy like that!What's wrong with this picture???

Why do you think that being in school is a bad thing? It is not like you have no future prospect of a career. It will happen in due time. Ok this person has a great career but you are in med school right? So you will be earning more. Not that I think that people with higher income should be considered as more valuable/worthy by the way...

And you hit the nail in the head, you think you do not deserve someone like that. It is all in your head, lack of self-esteem and some need to always compare yourself to others which is not healthy. I stayed in school for a long time and started my new career at 30. Do I care that other started at 25? No! because my path is just different than theirs not less valuable. What is important is that I achieve the goals I set for myself, not compare myself to every other women that ''appear'' to be more successful than me.

Well, I think you might be putting the cart before the horse. I don't think it's reasonable to expect a partner to be financially successful if you aren't currently in the same boat. You'll likely find that standard more reasonable once you're actually in the workforce. That's not to say that some successfully guys don't care about it and focus on more superficial things (looks, etc) but that won't be true much of the time.

Here's food for though: The hairdresser married to the lawyer is NOT by all means in the same financial boat. So, isn't it unreasonable for her to be married to him? Maybe she should date someone within her own socioeconomic background.

So what if the girl is overweight? Maybe the guy likes it and likes her for all that she is (i.e body and mind). So what if she aims for the Brad Pitt who is also a professional? I say good for her. Confidence is attractive. They guy is more attractive then her? Maybe she offers him something above her looks...

 

Why do you think that being in school is a bad thing? It is not like you have no future prospect of a career. It will happen in due time. Ok this person has a great career but you are in med school right? So you will be earning more. Not that I think that people with higher income should be considered as more valuable/worthy by the way...

And you hit the nail in the head, you think you do not deserve someone like that. It is all in your head, lack of self-esteem and some need to always compare yourself to others which is not healthy. I stayed in school for a long time and started my new career at 30. Do I care that other started at 25? No! because my path is just different than theirs not less valuable. What is important is that I achieve the goals I set for myself, not compare myself to every other women that ''appear'' to be more successful than me.

Yeah, you make a point and I do struggle with accepting myself.