Ever date a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder?

Puts me on a pedestal one day and the next day I'm the worse thing ever. Black hole of neediness. Totally and completely screwing with my mind! It's exhausting. I just let go of my girlfriend of a year and a half last week because of this terrible disorder. Anyone ever deal with it? BPD has to be the worst thing for anyone to have in a relationship.

Yes.

It ended up being a very very painful experience emotionally.

It's left it's mark on me.

There was not way to deal with it in my situation, as her family and I were the people she would off load on.

The people who actually showed any real signs of unconditional caring.

Puts me on a pedestal one day and the next day I'm the worse thing ever. Black hole of neediness. Totally and completely screwing with my mind! It's exhausting. I just let go of my girlfriend of a year and a half last week because of this terrible disorder. Anyone every deal with it? BPD has to be the worst thing for anyone to have in a relationship.

I survived 19 years with a borderline at the risk of my sanity. Damages you beyond repair. Therapist will not take BPD because therenis no cure.

We have broken up and gotten back together probably 5 times in the last 1.5 years. She would end it and then after a few days of me not contacting her, she would come back and my dumb butt would take her back. Nothing was ever good enough. Had to be careful what I said or did. Walked on eggshells. Couldn't hug another woman. Couldn't rec txts from other women. Couldn't talk to other women ugly or beautiful. Wanted 100 % of my attention!

I survived 19 years with a borderline at the risk of my sanity.

wow, God bless you...19 years is a LONG time. I thought a year and a half was crazy, but my God man. I'm sorry that you went through all of that.

You will become a doormat if you have not already and probably lose yourself if you have not noticed it already to cater to her changes.

Some which you may even be highly reluctant to change to.

Hmmm what are the characteristics of someone with BPD?

Hmmm what are the characteristics of someone with BPD?

link removed

Wow..that's crazy. What typically sends her into these fits of rage?

Borderline Personality Disorder is a very complicated thing. I learnt a lot about it when I was a teenager seeking therapy for depression and self-harm and the name of the disorder rolled around my doctor's mouth for several weeks. People with BPD do exactly what you described your girlfriend as doing - 'splitting' meaning only seeing things in black and white and from one extreme to another, without any grey areas. Their image of others may change drastically from day to day, as may their image of themselves. A majority of psychiatric staff report finding individuals with BPD extremely difficult to work with, and more difficult than other client groups, so you're not alone in that being around someone with BPD is a very difficult thing - I can't imagine the pain and confusion you would have when she was so happy with you one minute, and then the next having completely changed her opinion. Unfortunately there is no 'treatment' of BPD per se but only ways of managing it.

@In the Dark it is not even a matter of becoming a doormat to cater for someone with BPD. Even if you change to suit her needs, SHE will then change what she wants.

Wow..that's crazy. What typically sends her into these fits of rage?

If I knew I'd tell you. One minute you're happy and having the time of your life and the next she's absolutely going insane, angry, and breaking things.

@In the Dark it is not even a matter of becoming a doormat to cater for someone with BPD. Even if you change to suit her needs, SHE will then change what she wants.

I know she will.

Happened to me.

I'm saying it CAN happen when you love someone....well who you loved initially.

You want to try your best to go back to those times which leads to becoming a doormat.

Even despite becoming one, that can also be a turn off, even anything and everything you say at one time can turn into an offense even though the intentions are blatantly obvious to be good ones.

Yikes!!! ThAts scary...glad you got out. Life is too short to live like that.

Wow..that's crazy. What typically sends her into these fits of rage?

men!

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Im fairly positive my ex bf has this. Mixed with narcissism.

I was kidding in my last post...dont anyone go nuts on me lol

Yes, and after awhile you won't know which way is up. If you think the relationship is wild wait till you BU. To be honest she is the only person I have ever dated that I have no desire to see or hear from again. Good Luck

men!

 

 

 

 

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LOL good one!

I would not be in a relationship with someone with BPD. My friend dated a guy with BPD and boy did he have her all over the place emotionally. I heard it's like living in hell.

men!

 

 

 

 

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Lol good idea to mention the sarcasm in you next post as sarcasm can be so hard to read it text.

According to what available information is online, BPD is more predominant in males than females.

I hope I don't have it myself.

I can get pretty moody but I know to hide away during those times or at least keep my mouth shut.

I think what Karaliah was eluding to from the link provided above. And so true, you can't win.

Un-level playing field. Borderlines and Narcissists make the rules; they break the rules and they change the rules at will. Just when you think you’ve figured out how to give her what she wants, she changes her expectations and demands without warning. This sets you up for failure in no-win situations, leaving you feeling helpless and trapped.

I have never dated anyone with BPD but one of my friends has it. She's a sweet, caring girl and a good friend, but cannot deal with any negativity. She treats minor inconveniences like its the end of the world. She is my age but essentially has the maturity of a 15 year old drama queen. You can't give her any tough love or criticism because she will take it as very harsh insults. I can definitely understand the walking on eggshells feeling.

Lol good idea to mention the sarcasm in you next post as sarcasm can be so hard to read it text.

According to what available information is online, BPD is more predominant in males than females.

I hope I don't have it myself.

 

I can get pretty moody but I know to hide away during those times or at least keep my mouth shut.

Really? I heard it is MUCH more common in women;

"The prevalence of BPD in the general population ranges from 1 to 2 percent.[73][80] The diagnosis appears to be several times more common in (especially young) women than in men, by as much as 3:1, according to the DSM-IV-TR,[1] although the reasons for this are not clear.[81]"

(From Oldham, J. (July 2004). "Borderline Personality Disorder: An Overview" Psychiatric Times XXI (8). Retrieved on 21 September 2007, Skodol AE, Bender DS (2003). "Why are women diagnosed borderline more than men?". Psychiatr Q 74 (4): 349–60. doi:10.1023/A:1026087410516. PMID 14686459. and Swartz, M.; D. Blazer, L. George, et al. (1990). "Estimating the prevalence of borderline personality disorder in the community". Journal of Personality Disorders 4 (3): 257-72. Retrieved on 23 September 2007.)

Really? I heard it is MUCH more common in women;

 

"The prevalence of BPD in the general population ranges from 1 to 2 percent.[73][80] The diagnosis appears to be several times more common in (especially young) women than in men, by as much as 3:1, according to the DSM-IV-TR,[1] although the reasons for this are not clear.[81]"

 

(From Oldham, J. (July 2004). "Borderline Personality Disorder: An Overview" Psychiatric Times XXI (8). Retrieved on 21 September 2007, Skodol AE, Bender DS (2003). "Why are women diagnosed borderline more than men?". Psychiatr Q 74 (4): 349–60. doi:10.1023/A:1026087410516. PMID 14686459. and Swartz, M.; D. Blazer, L. George, et al. (1990). "Estimating the prevalence of borderline personality disorder in the community". Journal of Personality Disorders 4 (3): 257-72. Retrieved on 23 September 2007.)

I assumed it was much more common in women myself to which lead to some chin scratching.

But then again, I have only been in relationships with women so my opinion besides what I have read on the internet is biased towards women.

I have researched lots of the ""personality disorders" and they can be treated with self disipline... Natural Herbs can also help dramatically by lowering certain levels in your brain and heightening others..Pretty much altering your brain to be leveled out VS so un leveled. Pretty much the only thing that will work and the

need to change on your own VS. someone else telling you you have a problem and need to change is what will help keeping the positivity flowing. I think I

might have a slight personality disorder, then again...Meet my parents and you will know why LMAO!

I just had an episode yesterday, don't know why, but my common sense knocked right out of my brain and all could think about was getting away from him. It sucks being with someone who still see's his ex girlfriend to borrow his vehicle which is in HIS name that he let HER have and then he is letting her dog live at HIS place. I pointed all of this out to him and told him, these are ways of staying connected and these are excused she can use whenever she wants to see him.

He see's it, but will not change, yet I accept him because I love him and don't believe he will cheat on me again. He cheated on me in the first 3 months of our relationship, but we started off in an affaire and then decided to be in a monagamous relationship after he broke up with her and moved her out. She is STILL in his life and it has been a YEAR! Talk about Karma biting you in the butt!

I've been diagnosed with BPD, and while sometimes it has caused issues in relationships (btw, I was untreated and not in therapy, not by choice but docs refused to treat me!) I knew and accepted that I have that diagnosis and worked on myself as best I could. Anyone who uses it as an excuse to treat their partner/friends/family like sh... are trying to make you feel bad. I knew it was me with my disorder in my relationships. It's taken practice to be able to have a healthy relationship, love and patience. But the person suffering needs to make changes where s/he can. Don't tarnish all people with the disorder the same, please!

Or maybe I am in the rare few of being able to see things clearly. It's hard, I write things down constantly which bug me, come back later and realise that I was being silly. I've had break ups numerous times through the disorder, all while trying to understand myself and what I wanted (this was before and during diagnosis btw). Its been 3 years since I was officially diagnosed, and I am doing pretty well. I think the only area it affects me is my education now. Gotta work on it.

But yeah, if she isn't willing to work on her issues then a relationship wont work, its the same with anyone though. Alcoholics, down to just someone thinking they are right etc.

I can't imagine what that would be like. Sorry I don't know too much about BPD. Doesn't sound like fun to deal with though. I prefer more mellow and laid back people.

(that being said, I do have off and on depression that centers around really negative life events so it isn't like I am perfect either..)