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Haven't heard from him :(


Honey1976

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Hi everyone,

 

I met a guy recently that I really liked. He seemed really cool, sweet and into me. He wanted to see me so much and was texting, calling. We've even been on three dates so far he was super keen. We had so much fun and really good time and I was just starting to think I might have met a cool guy to date.

 

Anyway he went away and I've not heard from him since. I know he will be back by now but he's not texted or called or anything, just silence. I know he could just be busy but I also know that guys who are not into you don't call or text and it's simple like that. It's been three days since I last heard from him and I have this sinking feeling that he's not going to call or contact me anymore. Previously he was in touch everyday.

 

I'm feeling really down and sitting here in tears. I don't understand why guys have to be such douchebags sometimes. It's so cruel to come on strong and then stop all contact suddenly. Worst of all was he knows that last guy I dated treated me this way as well, and he was telling me not all guys were jerks and he wasn't that way etc.

 

Men say they don't like needy or insecure women, but how can we help but become this way when they jerk us ladies around so much like this? I am left with no answers as to what was wrong with me that he suddenly dumped me, and I can't call or text him to find out what's going on because then I'm perceived as chasing or needy.

 

I don't see any point in contacting him anyway, I have always found with guys if I make contact after they have gone quiet I just get a reluctant response and a knock back of some kind or another from them.

 

Now I just have another week or two to go of looking at my phone and not receiving any messages from him. I wish men would realise how mean that is, and grow a pair enough to at least be decent enough to tell a woman that he doesn't want to date her anymore rather than leaving her to wait for a call that never comes.

 

I just feel so rejected and down right now.

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Are you sure he's back? Maybe he really is busy. There's no way he could lose interest that quick without something big triggering it. You're worrying too soon. When did he say he would be back? This has happened to me before and the guy eventually texted and got back in touch...it just so happened they were genuinely busy.

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Its not a "guy" thing, women do this also.

 

I would agree to send him a text, i think no different of a woman sending a text. It shows interest, or it gets it out of the way that you dont have to continue the anxiety over wondering about his interest. At some point some guys get really tired of being the only one putting all the work in, i know i tend to favor the woman who returns the same amount of active attention back.

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I should say the last contact I had with him was me sorry. I sent him a v. quick message to say have a great time away and he replied saying a similar message to me. So I did initiate the last contact. Just feeling quite wary about initiating again, especially since he's not contacted me........ Do you all still think I should contact him?

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Absent any kind of practical problem, like being sick, injured or losing his phone, he's either waiting to hear from you or changed his mind.

He might feel like he's done a lot of pursuing and he's not sure if YOU are as keen as he is and he wants to get a better sense of it.

 

Just send him a light short text, but don't ask why he hasn't contacted you are anything. If he is interested, this will not * * * * * the deal in any way--he'll be happy to hear from you. If he's actually changed his tune, it won't make anything worse, and it will help you find out sooner rather than sitting around wondering * * * is going on. It's a no-lose decision, really.

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I don't think three dates is really worth sitting there and crying over. Your self-esteem or self worth shouldn't be associated with dating. Don't do that to yourself. It may take you years to find the right guy. So are you going to feel rejected every time someone changes their mind after a few dates? In the early stages, don't invest too much. You'll be happier that way.

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I don't think three dates is really worth sitting there and crying over. Your self-esteem or self worth shouldn't be associated with dating. Don't do that to yourself. It may take you years to find the right guy. So are you going to feel rejected every time someone changes their mind after a few dates? In the early stages, don't invest too much. You'll be happier that way.

 

Agree with this. I also chose not to get emotionally attached or be in that much contact that early on so if I didn't hear from him after a few dates it would be disappointing but not devastating. It's possible to convey strong interest while maintaining boundaries to prevent a ridiculous amount of contact or an insta-relationship.

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Thank you all so much for being so supportive.

 

I sent him a light and fun text yesterday, just saying hi, how are you kind of thing. No reply. Just silence.... tumbleweed. It's been nearly a day and it doesn't fit his normal pattern of contact.

 

You guys are right I shouldn't invest emotionally so quick upfront. I let my guard down because he was so into me that I felt like my feelings were reciprocated and it was safe. On our last date he was sat accross from me laughing and having the best time ever and telling me how I was beautiful, had great skin etc etc.

 

Unfortunately I did really like this guy and fell for it. The horse has bolted in terms of my emotions, so now I just get to feel like *&^( for awhile as I stand next to a closed gate.

 

I know it's life but I do come back to my original post, I don't understand why guys have to do this silent treatment thing after coming on strong, it really sucks.

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I'm tempted to call him today just to confirm that there really is nothing wrong with his phone or whatever. Part of me thinks that if he is just done with me and already blowing me off via text then a phone call can't hurt right?

 

Or is it a mistake in case he's just wanting space and time? I know a lot of dating books just say become distant, let him chase etc.

 

I don't know I give up. I just feel so confused by this stuff. I mean surely I deserve a few words to say hey I've changed my mind or whatever. It's not about male-female dynamics, surely this is just basic respect for another person to not just start ignoring them right?

 

Sigh

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I would not call him at this point. You texted him yesterday, chances are he's seen your text, he may still reply but I think if you call you'll just look desperate.

 

If he lost interest for whatever reason your definitely deserve to know, but you have to realize chances of him telling you that, are slim to none. You were not in a relationship with him, you were just seeing him, and its his right to walk away without explaining himself, whether it's the right thing to do or not.

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If you sent this text, and he doesnt reply, then I would cut your losses. It happens, its happened to me a bunch of times, its all part of the dating world. Some people dont have the guts and/or dont see the reason why they should extend the courtesy of any explanation to someone they barely know and not committed to.

 

Dating world requires some thick skin. So its always best to be a bit careless with dates and what you expect until it gets to the point where you have to care and expect something. There is this whole other side that you are missing the equation to, so I wouldnt jump the gun and let it bother you (maybe he has kids and he connect with his ex-wife again, maybe hes bisexual, maybe hes going through a BU, etc). Its not worth ruining your self-esteem for an unknown.

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I would not call him at this point. You texted him yesterday, chances are he's seen your text, he may still reply but I think if you call you'll just look desperate.

 

If he lost interest for whatever reason your definitely deserve to know, but you have to realize chances of him telling you that, are slim to none. You were not in a relationship with him, you were just seeing him, and its his right to walk away without explaining himself, whether it's the right thing to do or not.

 

I don't think three dates means you are seeing the person in any regular way unless you already planned future dates time and place -that's far too early to assume that.

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AM i the only one who thinks that when a guy utters to the girl 'you're beautiful' within the 1st five dates, that it's a red flag?? I don't know... Maybe it's because I'm so used to getting these kind of statements from guys who just want to hit and run.

Honey, I know you are tempted to call and see if he's alive but don't do it. If you call him and he doesnt pick up, it'll look desperate and out of your character right? Don't even text him a "goodbye" or like most people, write a 'goodbye' email. You will look foolish and pathetic because you only went on 3 dates with him. Try going out on another date with someone or do something else to consume your time.

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Well I had an awesome first date last night with this woman. And several times through the night I was thinking in my mind, gosh you're beautiful and I wanted to tell her that. But I had to keep my mouth shut. And no, I'm not the hit and run type of guy. I'm very much the straightshooter, relationship type of guy. And with that woman, I wanted a relationship.

 

I know we all sorta think that men and women are in separate camps when it comes to dating. And it seems that their thought process and actions are shrouded in a cloud of mystery. But not quite. Sometimes we do want the same thing. I think it comes down to meeting the right person, that person who wants the same thing. And there are some bad apples, the frogs out there which you should toss back and re-try.

 

 

 

AM i the only one who thinks that when a guy utters to the girl 'you're beautiful' within the 1st five dates, that it's a red flag?? I don't know... Maybe it's because I'm so used to getting these kind of statements from guys who just want to hit and run.

Honey, I know you are tempted to call and see if he's alive but don't do it. If you call him and he doesnt pick up, it'll look desperate and out of your character right? Don't even text him a "goodbye" or like most people, write a 'goodbye' email. You will look foolish and pathetic because you only went on 3 dates with him. Try going out on another date with someone or do something else to consume your time.

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AM i the only one who thinks that when a guy utters to the girl 'you're beautiful' within the 1st five dates, that it's a red flag??
To be honest, if a woman thought that a simple compliment like that that was a red flag, her reaction itself would be a strong signal not to continue dating her.
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AM i the only one who thinks that when a guy utters to the girl 'you're beautiful' within the 1st five dates, that it's a red flag?? .

 

Yes. This is definitely NOT a red flag. It's a perfectly normal compliment, and in fact I think a man who is interested in a woman, should tell her that within the first 5 dates.

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Yeah, I actually feel kind of bad if a guy doesn't tell me I'm pretty within the first few dates. It kind of makes me think he's not really attracted to me and is just looking for a hang-out buddy or something. I think there's a difference between one or two, "You're beautiful"s and a bunch of drooling, "God, you're hot"s.

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