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Thread: My girlfriend is kind of boring.. why are my feelings fading?

  1. #1
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    My girlfriend is kind of boring.. why are my feelings fading?

    I've been with my girlfriend sixth months and I'm a little confused about how I feel right now... She's so beautiful and nice... she treats me better than anyone I've ever been with and is the perfect girlfriend. For the first few months I was so into her and felt like I could marry her and she was the one. She's really into me too and she never plays games or anything. She's told me she wants us to eventually move in together and get married and have kids. I don't know if I'm just overwhelmed suddenly by the idea of so much commitment but I suddenly feel not as into her as I was before.

    I have no idea why... she's so lovely and pretty and treats me like gold. Just lately I don't think about her as much and don't particularly look forward to her texts and calls anymore. Not that I don't like hearing from her.. Just I don't feel like I care too much either way. It's just confusing me because there's no reason for this sudden feeling of disinterest in her. With exes and also her at the beginning I've had that feeling where I can't stop thinking about the person and get really excited when they call me. With her now I don't really feel anything.. it just feels boring, like my sister's calling me. She keeps saying all the time about how good it will be to spend the rest of our lives together and wants me to say it back all the time. I'm not saying I don't want it, just right now that excited feeling has kind of worn off and I don't really know why.

    I'm still sexually attracted to her and our sex life is good. But I could have a good sex life with any attractive woman... I just don't know where all those deep excited feelings have gone. Maybe it's because she is a bit needy. Like she texts and calls me constantly, and we're in constant contact for most of the day. I don't mind that really because I am a pretty affectionate person and don't need tons of space, but maybe it's kind of made things boring?

    I do love her and she has the most beautiful heart and soul. She does so much for me and always drives me places and cooks me dinner and stuff. It's always people that treated me bad and were more aloof with me that I ended up getting obsessed with. It's like that whole treat em mean keep em keen thing. I don't want to be like that though; I want to be really into my girlfriend who treats me like gold.

    I also can't help feeling like she's kind of a little boring, and since I've been with her I've become like that too. She lives alone and doesn't really have any friends because she says friends let you down. She's got 2 dogs and likes to spend her time sitting with them on the sofa watching tv. She works as an armed guard, which she says is dull but pays the bills. I understand in this economy she's lucky to have a decent job, but it's sad she's not doing something she's passionate about. She used to be a professional dancer which was her dream but she gave it up because she wasn't making money. I understand that.. but she could still dance as a hobby or something.

    It's like there's nothing she's passionate about except me. Me and her dogs are her life. She literally wants to hang out with me or sit at home watching tv with her dogs. I guess that's kind of put me off her a bit... she has no passion for life. She doesn't really read, she doesn't have a favourite band or anything, she doesn't play sports or have any hobbies or interests. It's like there's nothing that really defines her. She doesn't need to play sports or work out, she's very slim and petite, I just mean she has no interests. I don't mean to compare her to my ex, but my ex learned different languages and was passionate about art and literature and travel, and we had a lot of interesting conversations about philosophy and life. On the other hand, my ex treated me like garbage compared to how my current girlfriend treats me.

    I don't want to say my girlfriend's dumb because she really isn't but she doesn't seem to know much about the world. Like her spelling isn't great, she doesn't know anything about other countries or politics or music.. she doesn't seem to care what goes on in the world around her. I have 2 degrees and she just has her highschool diploma. I know that sounds really snobby, and I really don't mean it to because it doesn't make me love her less. It's just sometimes I feel like she's not on my wavelength and I constantly have to educate her (for example she thought Europe was a country.) Like I said, she isn't dumb, she's very practical and good with driving and directions and stuff... It's just I have travelled around the world for the last 4 years and she doesn't seem to have much life experience even though she is 6 years older than me.

    Before I met my girlfriend I was a DJ, travelled around the world, was writing a book, was always listening to music and checking out new artists, and liked to surf and go to the gym and read a lot. Since I met her I do none of those things. I feel like I've become lazy and sit around watching tv and texting her or sitting with her watching tv. I'm not blaming her, it's up to me what I do in my spare time. It's just funny that my lifestyle has never been this dull and lazy till I met her. I guess you end up merging your lifestyle with your partner's.

    I'm just scared we're going to become this boring old married couple with a load of pets, just watching tv every day and having no life. I do love her but I feel like my feelings are fading because she's just conveying herself as a dull lifeless person who is obsessed with me. I don't want to break up with her, I just want those feelings back of excitement where you can't stop thinking about a person and can't wait to see them and speak to them. I'm starting to get scared that maybe she isn't 'the one' after all, and I've already promised her the world. Any thoughts?

  2. #2
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    I know how you feel- it hits home. I am starting to have my own fears... I think my guy is very ... Oh what's a nice word... He's inane....
    I was attracted to him because he's goodlooking, kind, humble, modest and hardworking but I think for six months now, I'm just bored with him. There's just no depth. I don't even want to really kiss him sometimes or do the big nasty or dance with him and I find myself being guilty because he's a nice guy. But I find it hard to be intimate with him and sometimes if I stay with him consecutive days or/and nights, I am so close to running away and never looking back. I do get cabin fever if I stay at his place longer than 2 hours. I don't know, I get this overwhelming feeling of gloominess, like "This is it? This is really it??" I am also opinionated and I went to college and love philosophy, political science, and psychology. This guy barely made it out of High school with a diploma, so yes, I do get pretty annoyed when I see his text messages that have typos or grammar problems (as long as he doesn't type like a hoodlum, I was ok with it from the beginning). I think to myself, "you can't even carry a conversation with me about meaningful things in life and what your opinion is on social issues. The least you can do is spell check before you send off a text to me."
    I want to end it with him but he's avoiding me right now... Funny huh? Reading your post, I think you will need to bring up your concerns so at least she's aware of it. She's probably going to cry and beg for you not to doubt her OR she will try to keep believing that you two are soulmates and avoid your points you bring up. If she does the latter, I'm sure it's because she already knows she can;t change or she won't change for you to be happy with your relationship with her, but she would like to pretend that everything will go back to being happy like it used to be.
    Good luck... !

  3. #3
    Gold Member ApocalypseDreams's Avatar
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    I get what you mean because I'd hate to be in this sort of relationship myself. I need a partner that has passions, interests and knows about the world. Thinking Europe was a country would be a deal breaker for me. Her interests wouldn't even have to be things that I like or am into either. I like abit of difference and the possibility that she could teach and show me new things.

    I dunno, as horrible as it seems, you both seem to have very different ideas on life and don't sound that compatible. She sounds like abit of a homebody and you sound like you still have alot of adventure, learning and living to do.

  4. #4
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    I think your first mistake was entertaining her whimsical ideas of marriage and kids, after only 6 months of being together. Try not to promise people that in the future so fast.

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  6. #5
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    I think you asked why your feelings are fading, and then totally answered your own question. My feelings would fade, too, if I were in your position. I don't think it's necessarily about things like her not having a college education- if she had forgone that to pursue things like travel or a passion it likely wouldn't matter as much. I guess it's good evidence of something that's constantly debated on this forum, which is that looks and sexual attraction don't mean much if the real stuff isn't there.

    I say move on. There is a core incompatibility here that will likely not change over time.

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    I do feel like I love her... just she doesn't really excite me anymore because she doesn't seem passionate about anything other than me. I don't want to give up on the relationship yet, I really do love her and would miss her so much. I just don't know how to get her to become more interesting. She wasn't always like this, she said she was really into dancing since she was a kid and spent all her time practising. If she was still that passionate I would find that much more attractive. I guess when she didn't make it she just gave up on her dreams.. Can I breathe some excitement into our relationship somehow?

  8. #7
    Member ayekantspeylgud's Avatar
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    Is she depressed about something? Or maybe the dancing and stuff was as a kid and she genuinely lost interest. Maybe she spent so much time practicing her dancing when she was younger - then you said, didn't make it - and lost hope for putting a great deal of effort into anything else. Have you tried introducing her to new things? If not it could be as others have said - and you are an adventurous type dating a homebody. I'd recommend talking to her about it, asking her what she is passionate about in life (even if she's not currently acting on it) and tell her about your willingness to explore her own interests deeper with her. Point blank you're bored. It isn't even to say necessarily bored with HER, but you are bored with her choice of activities. Tell her you want to get out and travel or something. Would she be into traveling with you?

  9. #8
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    I think it's definitely a sign that it's time to move on. Obviously you scratched a surface with her in the beginning and felt a connection. But I think the feelings are fading because you never had that click on a deep level, and at this point, you probably never will with her. It's like getting to know a stranger, but the level of familiarity only goes so far.

    In any case, the Europe thing is a turn off. Everyone knows Europe is the capital of Greece.

  10. #9
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    Can you try taking her out on dates which incorporate her interests and your own. For example go out hiking, teach her how to surf, go to a concert or go to a dance class. Have you asked her to show you some of her dance moves? Maybe you can show enthusiasm for that and say you would love to see her dance again. It seems like she is stuck in a rut and so has the relationship. I think trying new things and developing new and old interests together may breathe some life back into the relationship.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by quantumst8
    Everyone knows Europe is the capital of Greece.
    Really? I didn't know that.

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