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Thread: 38, want a kid but boyfriend doesn't know

  1. #1
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    38, want a kid but boyfriend doesn't know

    Cut a long story short I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half; we don't live together ,he lives 30 miles away,33, unemployed and still lives at home with his dad. We live in a really expensive area and can't really afford to rent a place together at the moment. I have my own studio flat and since we have been together he comes and spend a few days on and then a few days off at mine. However recently I'm feeling like I want more and suggest to my boyfriend that we might look for a place or try to figure something out. He's looking for a job but each time we look up at rent cost, his pay and mine added up will hardly covers the cost. I had to come to term with the fact that it won't be possible for us to be together now ,my flat is tiny so it is impossible to both live there together without driving each other nuts. We have discuss it and both agree that it is out of the question to leave the area (both our family are getting older and are really dear to us). But now here is the catch, I'm 38 childless and would like to have a child. I never took the decision to have children in past relationships simply because I never wanted to have a child in the wrong circumstances (ie: rocky relationships) playing the "accident" unplanned things is never be my things either, I guess i am not selfish enough for that, HOWEVER recently, "the crazy I want a baby now" woman in me has finally appeared and I am really pressuring myself and my boyfriend about this issue often. He says he would like to have a child with me but he thinks it's still too early to decide when. I perfectly understand is point of view but I can't help feeling like I am in a dead end situation. Part of me wants to end the relationship ,the other wants to make it work. Advice and opinions would be greatly appreciated.

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Don't have a child until you are financially,emotionally, and in all other ways stable. I don't think it is fair to push the baby issue if the man does not have employment that is undo stress.

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    Sounds like neither one of you is in good financial well-being. It would be a terrible idea to even consider having a child until that changes dramatically.

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    He's 38, unemployed, still living with his father? That says tons right there. Not to mentinon he thinks it's "too early to decide" when to have a child? I've said this on other posts---it's never too early to tell your SO if you want children or not. Why? Because it's a deciding factor if the relationship can continue ~ if one wants children & the other doesn't, you can't have a relationship. Plain & simple. And with a response like his, it sounds like he doesn't want them. You need to dump him & find a guy with a steady job & ambitions.

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    No, she's 38, he's 33.

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    He doesn't say he doesn't want children he says he want to have children but the situation is bad to have one. I am the one running out of time here.

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    Running out of time and having a child just for that reason when you are not in a good position though is condemning a child to live for those mistakes. Your bf is right. This is not the time to have a baby when there is no good way to look after it.

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    Platinum Member Generation's Avatar
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    I came from a VERY poor upbringing, and it wasn't even subsidized. I'll say this much, it can be done. I don't recommend it however.

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    I think the world is over-populated as it is. Bringing another child into the world without the needed resources to take care of it is just a bad idea (and selfish). Adoption is always an option in the future, and that would help care for an already living child that needs care, rather than add another to the mix.

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    I agreed with what your are saying all my life, hence 38 no kids...one has to be settled to have childen, however I have been waiting all that time and can't seem to get it together financially, so what does that mean, I am condemned as a women to stay childless? It is a tough one to accept...

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