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Thread: 4 years no ring-Opinions Wanted

  1. #1
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    4 years no ring-Opinions Wanted

    Good afternoon it has been a long time since I've posted, feel free to dig up our history if you like
    Anywhoo, me and the bf will be approaching four years in April and I have yet to receive a ring. I'm wondering if I should take this into the new year or cut the strings. I am beyond ready to take the next step. If I could get ANY sign of serious commitment out of him I'd be happy.
    At one point in time he said he didn't want to live together but now he seems more open to it. I really think he just tells me what I want to hear at that moment to prevent an argument.
    When marriage is discussed he says he wants to, but when I ask him for a time frame he says he wouldn't ruin the surprise.
    He is 32 and I really don't understand his hold up. I mean honestly if he isn't ready I wish he could just tell me that so I can move on with someone who is. When we discuss moving in together he seems interested lately but when it gets down to the details of house/apt shopping he loses interest.
    Up until this point he would tell me his job was the reason he didn't want to move in together or get married or start a family but in July he got a promotion and relocated within his company BUT now he has all these plans for his "new income" and they don't involve marriage. I hate to feel like I'm being strung along ](*,)
    Opinions please....I'm sure I'll have to add to the story

  2. #2
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    Firstly, figure out the max you're still willing to wait, if any. Is NY's a deadline? Can it wait 2 more months? 3? Is it already too late?

    Answer that and be brutally honest. If that time has already passed then admit that to yourself.

    Secondly, make a decision based upon the time frame you determined. If it's too late, then it's too late. There's your decision. If not, then stick to that deadline when and if it does pass.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Deejmonster's Avatar
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    I think you are over reacting just a little... I dont think he is stringing you along, I think he is just making sure he is ready.. marriage is a huge comittment, and that doesn't mean he isn't committed if he doesn't propose... he probably wants to wait for the right time... its best to try and not force this kind of thing... some guys really like to take their time... and some fear talking about it... I myself am a very comiittment oriented person, but the mature thought of marriage kinda still scares me... it doesn't mean I wont do it with a girl I really love, its just that there are a lot of things to consider, and considering them doesn't mean he is expecting you two to fail in marriage, he just wants to make sure he is ready, truly if I am right, I think that it is a mature way to go about things. Marriage shouldnt be forced, rushed, or pressured... I wouldn't break up with him because he isn't interested in marriage right now... because he is already comitted to you... marriage is just a legal term for it... and why fix something that isn't broken? Give him time

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    Thanks guys, it's good to hear the opinion of the men. Where are all the ladies at?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member quirky's Avatar
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    How old are you? How is the relationship overall?

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    Platinum Member Glowguy's Avatar
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    Focus less on the ring and more on the relationship. Marriage is a tough choice to make and it's not for everyone. I does sound like he is considering it. I think 4 years together is a pretty strong sign of commitment. The more you pressure this guy the less he will want to get married.

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    No real insight, just a word of caution. Be careful with ultimatums and putting a time limit on things. I've seen people do this in the past and then when the time comes, feel like they have no choice but to follow through on their threats only to regret it later. Sometimes we do and say things we can't take back even though we truly want to.

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    ^ Agreed.

    I don't mean to suggest time limits carelessly, but I do think so much of the time people confuse themselves in such situations because they say they want one thing but aren't willing to draw lines when they don't get it. This guy could love the OP more than any man has ever loved any woman...and it wouldn't matter if she requires marriage and he isn't willing to give it. It's all about boundaries and limits that people need to draw for themselves. And only you, OP, can determine that.

  10. #9
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    Quirky-I'm 28. The relationship had a very rough patch in 2010. We are past it and overall I'd say it's good. We are really good friends! We laugh all day when together
    Eocsor- I understand what you're saying, I'm not tryin to put pressure on him, I'm just like "shyt or get off the pot" ya know?? I'm ready for something in my life and he's making me wait....is that fair? If that's not what he wants fine....say it and part ways ya know? He can find someone who is more focused on other things and I can find someone who is ready for a "home and family" type of comittment.
    I am a very ambitious woman and in all other aspects I see,want, and conquer. I think 4 years is enough time...there is no "rush" in 4 years.
    I get what you guys are saying though and I'll try to focus less on marriage, I know how important it is. My parents have been married 30+ years and I'm ready for that life.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member LDRohnos's Avatar
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    I'm not sure if this is the case here (it may be) but some people don't have marriage as a priority in their life. He doesn't seem like marriage/wife/2.5 kids/whitehousepicketfence/dog is a priority for him. His job and his career is. I'm certainly not telling you to look elsewhere but if you love him as he is, you may have to also accept that he isn't going to want to jump into a marriage until he feels like his life/career is where it should be.

    Some people never get married because they feel as if their independence will suddenly be gone once they are married.

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