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Thread: 4 years no ring-Opinions Wanted

  1. #21
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    I think wanting space and expressing it in a thoughtful and polite way is fine. I tend to agree that someone who regularly needs a week of space from his or her partner might not be a good candidate for marriage unless it's a commuter or long distance marriage.

    Excellent sign that at one point he was explicit about his time frame. Time to have another talk where you sandwich the criticism between two positives "I'm glad you were so certain about a time frame in which to get married. But it seems over the last few years that time frame has changed and there doesn't seem to be a concrete time frame to replace it. I really look forward to us getting married and I also need to go back to having a concrete time frame so I can feel comfortable and healthy in this relationship". Something like that.

  2. #22
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    Batya33- that is amazing advice. I don't want him to feel trapped or backed into a corner but I do need him to know my intentions because they matter as well!

  3. #23
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    I dunno Honey1 - personally if he is not ever bringing up the idea of marriage after 4 years I don't think he ever will. I think your flogging a dead horse.

  4. #24
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    Ya know....sometimes I think he is comfortable in this position. He lives in a house that his mom and step dad own so he pays no rent....why would he want to step up and take on some responsibility? I expected so much more from an Army man...... his uncle who died of cancer when he was in the Army died in the house he now resides in. He too was single with no kids, I always joke to him he's gonna be the same way and the house has a hold on him.....sometimes I'm not joking

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  6. #25
    Bronze Member murdock604's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=Honey1;5130909]Ya know....sometimes I think he is comfortable in this position. He lives in a house that his mom and step dad own so he pays no rent....why would he want to step up and take on some responsibility? I expected so much more from an Army man...... his uncle who died of cancer when he was in the Army died in the house he now resides in. He too was single with no kids, I always joke to him he's gonna be the same way and the house has a hold on him.....sometimes I'm not joking
    Finding out your best friends wives sleep around while their husbands are on deployment puts marriage into perspective for a lot of military men. Base housing is often a breeding ground for infidelity, soon as husbands leave the bars become full of lonely wives. Nothing like your buddy crying on patrol because his wife is the war pig.

    That being said, there's no excuse for him to not step up and take some responsibility for his life.

  7. #26
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    Thanks Murdock for your views.
    He is no longer active but I have heard stories of "Dear John"
    He has been out since 2006 active reserve, now he's a veteran.

  8. #27
    Bronze Member murdock604's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Honey1
    Thanks Murdock for your views.
    He is no longer active but I have heard stories of "Dear John"
    He has been out since 2006 active reserve, now he's a veteran.
    Good on him, if I ever have a son or daughter; I'd advise them to never have a serious relationship with someone who's in the military.

    Hope you guys get through this, marriage is a huge commitment and often men are hesitant to marry because we're the ones to lose out on it should the marriage dissolve. If he loves you and trusts you enough, he'll marry you.

  9. #28
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    Honey, if in four years someone isn't ready for marriage, there is a serious reason they haven't either cut the ties or jumped in. I think you're giving your power over and it's your decision, not his.

    I think you should realize you're the prize and prizes don't sit around waiting to be claimed. That's just my opinion.

  10. #29
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    Honestly, I think people know fairly soon if they want to marry someone or not.

    I think he likes things as they are and doesn't want to marry you but he will never tell you that. Why? People tend to say and do things best for themselves and telling you the truth would mess up his little deal. His actions are telling you every things you need to know.

    Yes, it is dishonest of men to do that, but I don't see it stopping any time soon so do what is best for you.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Kalika's Avatar
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    I think if he can spend a week without you, that's a bad sign... Either he's not ready, or he's not convinced you're not the one for him and he's just keeping you around.

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