How can I stop crying during confrontation or frustration?

I usually work alone, and I sort of got promoted so I am running a team of people. 1 person noticed that I am having problems with him and without saying the whole situation, while he was confronting be about it I started to tear up and he noticed and asked if I was crying. This is not something that I want to do at work, usually I am a loner and I avoid any situation that would give me any type of emotion that is out of my comfort zone. I have always been like this and in my personal life i just avoid situations. I hold my emotions in until i cannot control them then i lose control of myself and cry or can't really talk or get my point accross.

So how can I stop this now at work? While we were talking and when I felt myself feel frustrated, and start to almost cry I started singing in my head and then thinking about things like bunnies...and no i have no idea why that came to mind. But I can't do that because I zoned out and didn't actually hear what he was saying.

So again, what can I do to control my emotions and be able to have a conversation without crying? Is there some kind of cognitive exercise I can do to help me a little each day?

Thank you for you help.

There's plenty of things you can do...

One thing that may potentially help is to get those emotions out in a controlled environment, such as your home or anywhere in private. Give yourself 15-20 minutes and just let all the frustrations out; Cry, Yell, Punch things, do backflips, whatever you want. It's important to release emotion or else you start to fear it and suppress them, which is worlds worse in the long run and it can potentially turn you into a very cold person.

The way you handled it was the way most people handle emotional control. Unfortunately distraction is ripe with long term failure. People distract themselves from their problems/emotions by turning on a TV, playing a video game or like you did, humming a tune. It becomes another method of avoidance, albeit a short term version of it.

The real way you grow is to learn the stimulus of the problem. What causes you to cry when faced with confrontation or why do your emotions take control over you. When you figure that out you'll understand what it will take to change that aspect of your personality. Not by being a cold/heartless person by repression but a controlled/confident person who is in touch with their emotions. Only you can answer this, perhaps with some help from a therapist.

The other thing I can say is this is just something that gets better with practice with confrontation. When I was a child/early teen I had problems with confrontation and emotions myself. The only way I got over them was to deal with them head on and I've actually turned my strong emotions into a tool rather than a vice. It's one of the strongest parts of my personality now rather than one of the weakest.

I have this same problem sometimes and what I have done in the past is

a) repeat to myself "crying is not an acceptable way for an adult to express emotion in public" (or something like that) or

b) rather than getting caught up in how I'm feeling in the moment, visualize myself how I want to be handling it instead. Like instead of freaking out because I'm crying, I'd step back and picture myself as calm, confident, collected, whatever. I found it worked really good for me.

I had two coworkers like this an just tuned them out and stopped talking to them because I have no time for a crying adult in the workplace. totally unacceptable for a grown woman.

Do you get enough sleep? Do you eat a balanced diet and get enough exercise? Those basics will go a long way to helping you react professionally at work.

I have cried at work - mostly behind my office door where no one could see and once in front of a co-worker because I was overwhelmed. I don't think it's totally unacceptable -it happens just like all sorts of unprofessional behavior can happen if you have a job that you're at many hours of the day where the stress level can be high or there are frequent fire drill type situations.

What I would do the next time is when you feel yourself even starting to lose it -take a deep breath and if at all possible get out of the situation with a breezy "thanks for sharing -you know, I'm feeling unwell all of a sudden -can we continue this conversation later please?" If it's not possible then focus on square breathing -in for four, hold for four out for four - counting in your head and if you need to tune out the speaker to gather yourself together then do so -it's better than feeling embarrassed about crying.

Adults crying at work in front of coworkers is never acceptable.

Adults crying at work in front of coworkers is never acceptable.

Actually I think it's a very positive situation when there is reason to share that emotion with coworkers and I would hope no one would be afraid to do so when there are times to be upset, for example about a co-worker's illness or bad situation, or if there is abuse or harassment going on. As a regular reaction or as a reaction to being stressed out - that is typically unacceptable I agree. But we're not robots and it doesn't hurt for co-workers to see that they have the typical range of human emotion.

What I do think is unacceptable is suggesting to the OP the level of rigidity that your statement does - she certainly should work on her issue but it's not going to help her, IMO to be admonished that it's "never acceptable". It's simply not true.

Actually I think it's a very positive situation when there is reason to share that emotion with coworkers and I would hope no one would be afraid to do so when there are times to be upset, for example about a co-worker's illness or bad situation, or if there is abuse or harassment going on. As a regular reaction or as a reaction to being stressed out - that is typically unacceptable I agree. But we're not robots and it doesn't hurt for co-workers to see that they have the typical range of human emotion.

 

What I do think is unacceptable is suggesting to the OP the level of rigidity that your statement does - she certainly should work on her issue but it's not going to help her, IMO to be admonished that it's "never acceptable". It's simply not true.

So is it ok for a grown man to cry?

So is it ok for a grown man to cry?

It depends on the situation at the workplace but yes of course! (and out of the workplace, yes, of course!)

It depends on the situation at the workplace but yes of course! (and out of the workplace, yes, of course!)

If you want to alienate yourself, have no coworker friends and constantly have people laugh at you behind your back + undermine your authority if u have any, yes, its ok for a man to cry at the office.

Adults crying at work in front of coworkers is never acceptable.

This is not helpful to the OP. She didn't ask if it was acceptable but rather how to stop.

OP, what I do is tell myself that this situation isn't forever and it will pass. Try to get somewhere private if you need to let your emotions run. If you know you have to confront someone write down some notes so that you can stay on topic. That helps me not to feel overwhelmed and keep focus on the situation at hand.

If you want to alienate yourself, have no coworker friends and constantly have people laugh at you behind your back + undermine your authority if u have any, yes, its ok for a man to cry at the office.

I'm so sorry you've had this experience or witnessed it indirectly. I worked at places that were like "high school" but thankfully those were in the minority.

I'm so sorry you've had this experience or witnessed it indirectly. I worked at places that were like "high school" but thankfully those were in the minority.

Lol! No, it's never happened to me! I would never cry in the office. Unless a parent or loved one died of course. But i'd still try to get away first.