Single Girl in a Rainy City

Ok I started a journal ages ago about coping with by Break Up but this is gonna be about everything surrounding my life.

Im gonna put a bit about me first.

I am 27 years old but I feel about 20. In fact, most people say I look about 19-21 so I guess it gives me a younger mentality 'cos I have my father's baby face. this is not good when I forget my ID on a night out and I am the only one out of my friends who gets asked for it

I live in Manchester UK which is an awesome city but rains all.the.time which does not help when you have thick frizzy hair like mine. Manchester is huge which means lots of things going on but can feel very lonely at times. I think I am feeling more like a goldfish in a massive pond at the moment because I'm single and it feels quite daunting being on my own again being in such a huge place.

I was living here on my own (for 2 years) up until recently (i moved in with a friend in August) which had its ups and downs but over all living independantly is awesome. I had a boyfriend for 1 of those years and he practically lived at mine so I guess it made me feel much less lonely but at the same time I had my space and could ask him to leave when i'd had enough! I cannot wait to live on my own again. Im really not enjoying sharing at the moment partially because I'm used to being on my own but also because my housemate is a passive aggressive monster. And very very messy.

I also live with my amazing cat who my ex bought for me. He is a stunning half persian pure white baby boy with ice blue eyes. He is completely deaf but it doesnt affect him. He is awesome to cuddle and has been a great little companion whilst ive been going through this break up.

So Ive been single now for 6 months but it feels more like a month, the time has gone so quickly. The ex is still on my mind a lot and I am sure I will be writing a lot about it here rather than contacting him (day 24 NC now) but also I will hopefully be writing about my new dates and seeing where that takes me. I have only been on 2 dates since the break up and neither of them have been up to much. The first was a complete sleaze and the second is 32 but doesnt seem to have grown out of being a party boy and trying to arrange another date has been oging on for 2 months now with no success. So I am giving up on him.

At this point I will mention I usually date younger guys (!) hmmm maybe it's because I look quite young myself and feel younger than my age but also I just dont find manly men attractive. I prefer boyish features and youthfulness I guess. But I know not many younger guys are gonna be suitable for the long term which is why I have started looking at older guys too - hence the 32 year old, but he turned out to be less mature than my ex (who is 23!)

right, the boss in coming...

Right so I am meant to be going for a drink with P tonight. P is the 32 year old who is very flakey and cancels a lot which hasn't really bothered me as I wasnt sure if I fancied him. I think he is going a bit grey up top. He has a great body from his photos and I havent had physical contact with a guy for over 6 months and I am lacking a male touch. So this is why I am meeting him I think, 'cos I havent given him a proper chance (well, Ive not been able to!) and also because I was daydreaming about his body the other day haha.

Thing is, I am not a big drinker and I am drunk after 2 drinks. He is off work on friday (I am not) and I think he wants to have a few. I would rather go on a short date as Im up early tomorrow and just keep it to two drinks. Argh. But then we have been flriting a bit by text so I dont know what his plans are. Jeez

M (my ex) texted me last night to my old phone. First contact from him for 2 weeks. He said ''I saw X (famous person) in the supermarket earlier today''. That was it. Like why does he do this? Text me crap every few weeks which means NOTHING. I do miss him a lot at the moment but his texts are bull * * * * . I am currently on day 27 NC and havent responded to 5 of his very lack lustre attempts at contact.

So I met up with P last night. The bar I was supposed to meet him at was rammed with Christmas party goers so I met him outside and we walked to a quieter bar. The first thing I thought was that I didnt fancy him. His features are nice but there is just something I am not attracted to. I think it's because I am so used to dating younger guys that P just looks, well 'old'. Anyway I thought hey I should give him more of a chance so we went to the next bar and chatted with a drink. He's one of those guys who is very animated with his hands and It kind of annoyed me. Every story was met with these theatrical jazz hand movements. There was a couple of little silences but that was more my fault, I just couldnt think of a lot to say at times. I'd had a long day at work and was pretty tired and getting a headache which worried me because my migraines are getting so much more painful these days.

Anyway the bar gradually got louder and busier and we literally couldnt hear each other talk and it was hurting my head to shout. Also, we both saw people we knew in the bar, one of my friends appeared with her girlfriends and I spoke to her for a few seconds and P saw a girl he knew. We left around 11.00pm which was fine because I had to be up early for work. We had a brief chat outside the bar and a peck on the cheek. I was struck by how tall P is and that was kind of attractive as I do like tall guys and P is 6'4''. I can tell he has a great body and he goes to the gym every day and like I said in a previous post I think I am missing the physical contact of a guy so maybe I will see if there is a third date. I havent made my mind up about him yet but I doubt he has made my mind up about me.

When I got home he texted me saying he had a really good time and wanted to see me very soon. All I could think about was how much I am missing M. I fancy M to the core and it sucks that cannot have the person you want. Anyway its nice to have some attention from someone (I havent had that for months) so yeah we will see. Its a horrible time of year to be missing your ex though, I guess I just cant ignore the fact I am not over M yet.

I woke up this morning with a huge migraine yet I have dragged myself into work after taking extra strength ibuprofen but the pain is still awful. No off the shelf painkillers touch my migraines but I cannot take any triptans as they interfere with my other medication. Ugh. I just hope it eases a little as my boss is in today and is already giving me orders. UGHHHHHH

So I ended up sleeping with P around a week after the the second date. Hmmm what can I say. I learned my lesson (again) the guy is an absolute jerk. I found out he has several girls on the go and all of them are younger than me - most of these girls are 21-22 while he is 32. I just dont get why older, supposedly mature, intelligent type guys just want a trophy child model for a girlfriend?? what do they have in common?? Anyway, I didnt really find his personality attractive (he was way too serious, which reinforces my issue with why on earth he prefers the much younger girl) and also, I kind of knew he was a player despite his posh accent and self assurance. It was the way he took 3 days to reply to a text, the fact that girls from all over the UK and beyond would comment on his fb constantly... anyway he DID have a great body and he did erm perfrom well so to speak but we shall lay this to rest now. P is deleted and blocked and is carrying on with his little fan club of girls with no backward glance.

Today I am recovering from food poisoning (or possibly the norovirus) and I feel dreadful. I have dragged myself into work but I feel horrendous. My stomach is killing me but Im hoping it will pass quickly...ughhh. I actually have a massive phobia of being sick so this was particuarly scary. I hate getting ill with bugs and having these awful symptoms you cant even control

I have a date on Saturday with a guy from OKcupid. He seems sweet and is a lot nicer in his emails than any other guys ive messaged so Im gonna meet up with him to see. He's not particuarly good looking though. I am generally very picky with guys, both appearance and personality. But then again all the good looking guys I chat to online are only after one thing. I think that is why this guy stood out becasue he isnt really bad looking or anything, but most importantly he isnt an idiot. He is coming over on the train as he lives in an adjacant city to me. I hope if anything I will make a friend out of it.

Hope you feel better and good luck on your date on Saturday!

So I met up with Okcupid guy on Saturday - 'R'. We went to a bar in the bohemian side of the city which is a cool part of town, not too pretentious and lots of independent shops and drinking establishments. When I walked into the bar I didnt recognise R - he looked different from his photo but it was obviously the same person if that makes sense. I had to just go up to him as he was the only person sat alone and luckily it was him.

Well he's a nice guy but a little too geeky for me, he has this awkwardness that isn't 'cute', its just a bit boring...however I have more or less put this down to first date nerves for now. (e.g he would keep repeating the same words over and over) We sat and chatted for 2 hours (which is long enough imo, for a first date, I prefer it to be short) but he was very keen to stay.

We chatted about lots, his job (graphic designer) I find arty people interesting, as I am from a family of artists myself..his hobbies...and a few things about me lol. I didnt mind though, I felt like I wanted to know about him as he has quite an interesting life, well more interesting thna mine at the moment lol. So the things that put me off him were his voice and mannerisms - he's geeky and a bit camp, his voice is quite high, but he does seem like a nice person. He had to get a train at midnight but like I said earlier he wanted to stay...I told him it would be best if he got his train and he agreed so we hugged and he left. He asked me if we could meet up again and I told him to contact me - I didnt say yes or no at that point. I guess I just wanted to think about it tbh.

I wasnt sure what to think because I didnt really feel a physical attraction but I thought he was nice. So the past couple of days ive been thinking and really feel like im missing someone to cuddle. There are no other guys showing any real interest so I messaged R and he is very keen to meet up again. Maybe i'm just wanting attention, a cuddle, but I've now agreed to meet him again but we haven't set a date. I think after this second date I will know if there is potential for anything and obviously I dont want to mess him around. He has suggested dinner but I have already told him I need to keep my spending down until the end of the month so at the moment I am thinking about what to write.

I got into an argument with 'P' on POF yesterday. I think I made it too obvious that I was upset about the way he was so disinterested in me after we slept together. I should know by now that sex is just sex and nothing else, but I just wanted to get things off my chest after I saw he had yet another new profile on POF. The guy is a commitment phobe and serial dater...I just have tio get my two pence in when I see people like this saying they 'want a relationship' on a website and then after a couple of dates you hear nothing from them but they are adding any vaguely attractive girl to their facebook in the hope that something better will come along. So our messages got a bit nasty (from him mostly)...however he made it clear he was never going to be the type of person to lavish attention on me and so we were obviously never suited anyway. Ugh, I hate men sometimes, especially most of the guys on dating sites.