Ex boyfriend ignoring me. Can't take it anymore HELP!!!!

Hi my ex boyfriend, who is 28 yrs old broke up with me a month ago. At first I begged him but he wouldn't take me back. Then I agreed cuz it was useless.

After 3 weeks of no contact at all, I texted him: How are you? He replied: I'm good and u? I said I was good too long time no speak and after that no response.

So I called him the next day and we chatted about what we did the past 3 weeks and nothing special. I asked If he could come and have a drink that night. He said maybe, he has time tomorrow. I will call you tonight. But he didn't call instead he texted me: I will call you tomorrow after work. (His working place is nearby my house) I said ok.

So I waited for his call all day and was so worried and texted/called a few times. But NO answer. It's been 2 days but not calls or replies at all!?

I called him just now twice! But no reply! What is he doing? I'm so heartbroken. I am crying secretely at work and feel like * * * * .

Why is he doing this? I don't wanna stalk him. But I think I will HELP! I'm so hurt I can't take this. He's never stood me up like this before!

You are making the classic mistake of dumpers which is to try desperately to cling to the dumper. Stop contacting him and start moving on with your life. The more you contact him the more disgusted he will be with you and he will continue to ignore you. You need to accept that this is over and walk away completely. It will be difficult at first but over time you will realize that you don't need him in your life.

Ah I really feel for you. Can I ask, why did he break up with you? And how long were you going out? I have the same situation - we broke up about two months ago, but were sort of in touch, but not in an amicable way, then I went three weeks without contacting him, saw him drive down my road, he sort of tried to hide his face but he had no reason to be there so I could only think that he drove here for nostalgic reasons. I didn't hear from him so a few days later I texted him again and asked him why he was ignoring me and why did he drive down my road? He finally answered monosyllabically and sounding angry. I said that it sounded like he just hates me - he wrote back that he doesn't hate me - but I feel just coldness and no kindness. I finished with him because he was so unreliable and no longer talked about us in the future, rarely saw me, and didn't even call me his girlfriend. I too am heartbroken and can't stop myself crying but I know that the only way that I will ever hear from him is if I just leave it. 3 weeks isn't such a long time for someone to truly realise what they had - it takes some people 6 months to think back and miss what they had and lost. In the meantime this is your opportunity to get out and make the most of yourself, so that in a month or two you can send him a friendly text saying hi - and if you do meet for a coffee or drink then you can look great and feel strong and will probably have got over the worst of the pain. I know it's easy to say because I am finding it hard to do that myself. But I know from experience with my ex that him calling me at work and texting me to say he wanted to see me and talk, only made me move away harder and it was only when I saw him months later that I saw him as a strong, together guy - he had met someone else at that point and so had I and it was by no means as serious as this last relationship and sounds like not as strong as yours either. But, unfortunately, we cannot control how someone feels - the only way you can get someone to come back to you is if they miss you and absence and wondering what you're up to will be the only way this can really happen.

Hi there thanks for answering.

But why would he agree of seeing me if he's planning to stand me up? He KNOWS this will hurt me like hell.

Why would he do this out of the blue? We were not in a fight whatsoever!

Normally I would go crazy and go to his house! Is this what he is expecting? Why would he pick a fight/drama on purpose? When I just called him on friendly terms? I wasn't begging at all. I pretended to have completely moved on...

But why would he agree of seeing me if he's planning to stand me up? He KNOWS this will hurt me like hell.

Why would he do this out of the blue? We were not in a fight whatsoever!

I don't think he did this intentionally to hurt you. He probably agreed to see you so you would stop phoning/texting him.

It's tough but you have to realise that the more you try to keep in touch, the harder youare making it for yourself.

He chose to end the relationship, the kindest thing you can do for yourself is respect his decision and walk away...

I guess the thing is here is that you have split up. I don't think that you can apply the same rules of expectations on an ex - they are no longer responsible to you as a partner so much as it feels like they should still be in your life because they are still in your heart and you had a very close bond, the thing that sucks when you split up is just that - you're split - you're not a partnership and he doesn't have to explain himself to you. I know this is so hard to take and it really doesn't give you any answers but there are a huge number of people who walk round in life with broken hearts and no answers. I think for you if you want a bit of peace of mind, why don't you email him or text and just say - hi, I assume you don't want to talk to me anymore - I don't know the reason but I accept it and will move on. At least then he knows that you're not just going to be texting and calling him or going round. It gives you some power and he will have to realise that you have said that you accept you two are over and that's fine, you're checking out. Then, if he does contact you I would seriously let him wait - don't respond, don't write back anything - just let him feel the same that you feel, rejection and silence, sooner or later he will wonder where you are. I think that this is the only way - just not pushing him anymore.

Hi I've been dating him 2 years and he broke up with me because he couldn't live with me, our characters don't match. But I think this was mainly because of him; we argued a lot because he didn't care about me and threatend to dump me if I said something about his behavior!

He used to be so perfect.. I really don't understand men. It's like my feelings count for nothing. I feel worthless. And I'm sorry about your situation... I don't think I can make it through..

I wasn't stalking him or anything. I called and he picked up. No irregularities? He seemed irritated on the phone that I went on a short trip with my friend and didn't want to hear me talk about other guys.(I did that because I didn't want to seem desperate) He told me he's not interested in my stories about guys and doesn't want to hear it! But after that we spoke normally.. and he seemed ok? and promised to meet and all? Did I subconsciously set him off?

And if he wanted me to stop calling he could've said so right? Maybe he is being a coward?

He's done this before during our relationship and every time I would flip..

Walking away is so hard. My heart hurts and I'm obsessed with my phone

Thanks for your advice Jiminey.

I will follow it.. I have an important appointment tomorrow and he knows about it. He asked me to call him to see how I was doing, before he stood me up.

If he doesn't show any concern the day after tomorrow, he probably wont. I will send out that message.

He will go on a vacation soon for 6 weeks and I won't be able to reach him.

He gave me the best Christmas and New year of my life last year. And I will think of him..

It is so tough when you have memories of when he was a "different" person and when he was nice and treated you well - but unfortunately most people are capable of showing "another" side - not all men, but the anger, aggression, annoyedness, these aren't nice traits but I've seen exactly the same when my relationship with my now ex was in crisis. I also saw a side of him when we were together where he didn't think that he needed to change his behaviour but when I once did something similar (I apparently was supposed to meet but we made no arrangements) he said how much it hurt him and did I know that - yet he probably stood me up or cancelled always with some convenient excuse about 15 times. So, he wasn't introspective, couldn't see how his behaviour was hurtful (sometimes he said he could and apologised and then just did it again). Do you want to be with someone who gets like that - a coward as you say, or someone who just ignores his ex - that's just rude and whilst a lot of people might say, well he's your ex, what do you expect, I do think there is such a thing as kindness, accountability and fairness to the other person - and manning up. He could say, listen I am really sorry, but I can't meet you, I think we should just leave it for now. So whilst it might not feel like it now, you don't want to be with someone who brings you down and makes you feel unhappy and not valued. I realise the memories are painful and I'm going through the same thing - but you will get through it and meet someone a lot nicer.

You're probably right. But it's so hard to accept. We had a very deep bond. We hugged each other constantly. And everybody used to say we're the sweetest couple ever and he loved me deeply.

I do believe we had something very special. He used to tell me his chest will serve as my pillow always

I'm scared he will have another girl on his vacation.. I can't believe this is happening. It's like a bad dream!

I can't stop wondering, maybe he's doing this to test if I was really over him. Because on the phone I was!

Ow well... past is past... He still hasn't called...

I know, the memories are really tough - I had the same thing - the circumstances that we met in were very unusual and it was romantic from the start and we couldn't keep apart so I know it's awful to think back to those times. You do need to let the pain out and grieve, it is especially hard when you feel like you had something special and that to the outside world you looked like the perfect couple. It does sound like you did have something special and hopefully he will realise this one day, but you don't know at all for sure whether he will or not so you have to go on living your life. If he does meet someone else then it will only be on a vacation, and it will also be on rebound. Try not to be too sad. Hang out with your friends and family, time will fly, especially this time of year and you will feel better in a few weeks and by the time he comes back.

I know it's hard but you really need to stop trying to contact him. You can't expect him to behave like he did when you were together, because his feelings have changed. I can guarantee that if you continue to phone and text him, you will create some ill feelings. It's over. It's hard but you have to accept that and leave him be.

I think it's particulary painful this time of year Christmas won't be fun because it will remind me of him..

I feel so mistreated by him. How could he do this!? He knows very well he wronged me by standing me up and ignoring me afterwards. What did he expect??

I feel bad for you too.. well.. you're not alone.. MEN

I agree with you, but I think anybody would call to cancel the plans if something came up. There was no arguing involved anything? I was very friendly and not pushy at all. I only txt him at the end of the afternoon to let me know if he was still able to make it? How hard is it to reply on that?

I really don't know why he's doing this.... And it's tearing my brains out.

Well if it's any consolation at all, as you explore this site you will see that many dumpers behave the same way. If the person dumped makes attempt to connect often times they will hesitate, say yes, maybe, tomorrow, I'll let you know, etc, in a passive aggressive attempt to not hurt your feelings, when they should just say no I'm not interested. So- if you don't hear from him again you'll know he changed his mind and couldn't muster up the courage to tell you. If I were you I would not make contact again. Remember, he is under no obligation to make any kind of plans with you. He hasn't stood you up - the plans were never set in stone. He knows you want to meet. He has seen your texts and phone calls. So just leave him be. He will contact you if he decides he wants to meet up.

Hi French Fries,

That's just cruel and so selfish

I was planning to call him the day after tomorrow. Because, before he the 'ignoring' we spoke on the telephone he told me to call him after my important appointment tomorrow to see how I was doing..

If he hasn't called I would've e-mailed him something like: I assume you don't want to talk anymore that I will respect that and leave him be.. Something like that and see if he will respond.

He will leave in a week! Im so desperate... sigh

I think it will be good for you that he is going away - he will be away so you won't be able to think about bumping in to him. I know it's hard - I'm still going through the pain and sadness but you have to give him a plenty of space and time. I know Christmas will be hard with the memories but you'll have your family with you I assume so they can pull you out of your sadness. Who knows what's going on in his mind - but you can't second guess or know so unfortunately you just have to get on with your life, one day at a time. I know it sucks but what else can you do?

He will go to Mexico alone to follow a small spanish course and then enjoy holiday. I am sure he will forget about me.

He was looking forward to this the whole year. And one time when we argued he said: I would never cheat on my girlfriend. I would dump her first. And it came true..

Ofcourse he's gonna cheat when he's there alone. He just didn't want to call me or anything I don't know. But when you say these kinda stuff when you're angry. Deep down you might really mean it?

Ofcourse he's gonna cheat when he's there alone.

I'm sorry, and I don't mean to sound harsh. But he won't be cheating on you if he has ended the relationship. It may be rebound but it won't be cheating!

opheli, it's tough when someone you felt that connection with decides they want to go it alone, but contacting him and stressing yourself about what he has done, what he's going to do and why he has done it etc serves no purpose for you now.

The best thing you could do for yourself is stop contacting him.

Think of it this way, he doesn't hear form you... it's going to be him wondering what YOU are getting up to!

Let him wonder... You deserce better!

Thank you for your help.

I meant it like: He always insisted that he would never cheat. If he finds someone else or wants somebody else he would dump me first so he won't be a cheater? This is what he use to say when he was angry. It hurt me a lot.

Don't beat yourself up too much about what he said, and what he meant. He might have meant it as he really doesn't want to let you down. Be good to yourself, and remember that life itself is so precious, this is just one person who you are making yourself unhappy for but there is another person who you can care about as much if not more - you. So, look after yourself and the rest will follow.

He's using an age old 'dirty rotten scoundrel' technique of breaking up with you... he doesn't want you calling him and getting your hopes up and begging and pleading, so he treats you REALLY badly and stands you up in hopes you'll get the idea that it's really over and be angry rather than weepy and hopeful and pursuing him. He doesn't want that because it makes him feel guilty, so he'd rather you you think he's an SOB so that you'll get over him faster and leave him alone..

So he's doing it to make a point, so that you'll 'get' that he's gone and not your special guy anymore. And he'd rather have you angry at him and WANTING him gone because he behaved badly rather than having hopes and calling and begging and pleading your case in hopes he'll take you back. He'll probably basically say anything to give you the bum's rush off the phone, but if he's made up his mind it's over, he just won't want to spend any time with you, especially if he thinks you're going to pressure him or make him feel guilty about dumping you.

So your best bet here is to just back off and DON'T stalk him. Stalking never works and frequently makes the dumper feel even more justified in dumping you.

Today is the big day.. If he doesnt show any concern. It really means its over. Should i mail him something tomorrow? for closure? ... Something like i understand.. Hmm goodbye? should i do it? any suggestions?

i miss him so much right now.. He used to care so much like im part of his body

Do people really do this? I know each case is different but can a person who has been in a serious relationship - not just a flimsy dating scenario, really just do anything and act like an ahole just to get that person off their back? I can understand if it was someone you just weren't interested in, and they were semi stalking you - but a genuine ex who just gets in touch, maybe like in my case, just wants some answers, then just acts like a class A sh**. Why does it make him feel guilty if you're pleading and / or weepy? My ex is just like this - I finished with him but he may as well have dumped me, he was utterly unreliable, always texting and calling but rarely being able to stick to plans. So I dumped him and he has just been cold and ignores me - called me some names which he didn't apologise for. Is it ever a case that the anger is masking real feelings that they don't want to recognise?