I really wanna be a father and have children..

Last month was my birthday I'm in my second yr of my 30s

And I really have this urge to be a father.. I feel like time is just passing me by.. I'm in this oppurtunuty of window to find a good quality lady to be the mother..

Almost all my friends have kids or family.. and me nothing I focused to much time on my career. And yrs have slipped by..

I feel like I'm in a race to find a quality lady and to have children...

Yeah, I also turned 32 in October and have similar feelings sometimes. Almost all of my close friends are married and have a child already, if not more than one child. I suspect it will never happen for me due to my circumstances being different (I'm gay, can't really have children the 'normal way', etc) but it still eats at me sometimes. I wonder what like my life will be like post the age of 50 with no children/grandchildren to enjoy.

I'd say that you're in a pretty good spot though. If I recall you said that you're a pretty attractive guy, and guaging by your posts you don't have too much problem getting women interested in you. So I'd say it's more a matter of when for you, not how.

It is so nice to hear men have a need to be a father too. It warms my heart when I hear them say that.

Being a father and having a family was always my dream.. rest is all superficial..

Really just want a good women and raise a family and enjoy the small things in life...

FF.... Getting dates is not a problem. Finding the right women who actually is worthy of having kids and the timing for kids is the problem...

Not sure but life feels like something is missing.. I really just want a good lady and a family...

You can always adopt if you have the financial means to do it. And 32 is still fairly young so you have time if you find a nice compatible girl.

Fatherhood is absolutely fantastic, I have three grown kids, and if you have it inside of you to be a good parent you should be.

BUT, the worst thing you can do is rush into a relationship because your clock is ticking. Theres lots of time left to find someone you can really care about and still have a family.

I guess when you hit your 30's, as a man it may dawn on you that, it really sucks that, if you know you are in a situation where you can take care of a child but the chance of a woman wanting to have your baby never happened because life just refused to pan out that way.

Then you see your peers, with children who didn't really want them and are struggling to support them with a reluctance to care for them even though they wanted the baby in the first place.

I have had the feeling of what if I had a child.

In my past I have had some pregnancy scares with partners and due to those situations, I know deep down that I would dedicate myself to my child.

I have to admit it does sadden me a little.

But despite this, life is life and there are some things which should not be forced to happen.

FF.... Getting dates is not a problem. Finding the right women who actually is worthy of having kids and the timing for kids is the problem...

Of the women you've had dates/relationships with in the last few years, what would you say are the qualities that they've lacked that have stopped them from being worthy? I think analyzing that would be a good start.

I always thought I wanted to be married with kids, be a great dad, etc. Now, watching so many countries falter, and the general chaos worldwide, not so sure I want to bring kids into this world. That's just me though, I think it's great so many guys are actually looking for that.

Me too. But another thing I worry about as I'm getting older (I'm 31), is that the woman I date will be older, and it is not ideal to be having children at an older age from a health-risk point of view, both due to her age and mine.

It's good you're not settling. Sometimes when men really want a family, they'll talk themselves into loving the wrong woman for the wrong reasons.

Keep yourself open to finding the right woman and it will happen.

Of the women you've had dates/relationships with in the last few years, what would you say are the qualities that they've lacked that have stopped them from being worthy? I think analyzing that would be a good start.

My last ex of 2 yrs well she was to young.. she wasn't in that state of mind to have one.. we almost did.. I know its my fault for picking younger girls.. I started seeing 28-30yr old ladys. Not going after 21-25 anymore..

But even my ex is growing.. she actually stoped by last night. And I saw she grew a lot and all the problems we had she actually understood them.. but she still has bit more to go she is 23 still..

But I see my friends fatherhood is great watching them, teaching and learning.. partying, bars just don't care anymore.. I would rather have the strutcture and love of a family any day..

It's good you're not settling. Sometimes when men really want a family, they'll talk themselves into loving the wrong woman for the wrong reasons.

 

Keep yourself open to finding the right woman and it will happen.

Yeah. I can't settle just to have a kid.. if I did I would already have lots of babies..

I wanted to be ready and find the right lady who is ready too and like u said it will happen.. I don't want to many 1 maybe 2 that's it..

Is there anything you can be doing in the meantime to get yourself ready for parenthood? Maybe just taking active steps towrad that goal will help you feel less discouraged. Working on financial security, dealing with any family issues, or other stuff like drinking too much or temper or any other bad habits you might have... Not that I'm saying you necessarily have any of those, but we all have areas we can improve upon.

Last month was my birthday I'm in my second yr of my 30s

 

And I really have this urge to be a father.. I feel like time is just passing me by.. I'm in this oppurtunuty of window to find a good quality lady to be the mother..

 

Almost all my friends have kids or family.. and me nothing I focused to much time on my career. And yrs have slipped by..

 

I feel like I'm in a race to find a quality lady and to have children...

Fly over to the Netherlands and we will have a cute mixed baby ;-)

Oh sweety..it will happen for sure. Just be patient. Be cause making a baby is so easy for most..but raising one with the right one is the hardest.. So don't go too fast with that one..

But i understand the urge..its natural you know..Give it time..

what happened to the date who already has a child by the way?..

Haha. I know making it is the easy part.. but rasing it is what I look forward to the challanges and watching em grow and learn..

I still talk to her.. the connection is very strong. But she is going thru a lot of issues which I can't really help her with I am there for her.. but she has been closed off and I let her come to me..

My ex is coming back more and more had a long talk with her last night she addmited what she really had with me and its hard to find that out in the dating world..

Anyway I look forward to my 6,5 healthy baby boy... Haha

Me too. But another thing I worry about as I'm getting older (I'm 31), is that the woman I date will be older, and it is not ideal to be having children at an older age from a health-risk point of view, both due to her age and mine.

disagree with that one..my girlfriend is 43 and just had a healthy baby boy..her first child with a guy 10 years younger. I see no reason why I wouldnt be able to have that as well.

Anyway I look forward to my 6,5 healthy baby boy... Haha

your 6,5 healthy baby boy?..you mean months old?? ..didnt understand ;-) LOL

I had my first child (and only!) at 42. We started trying when I was almost 41. OP - sure, it's more than possible but I agree with you that all else equal if you can find a lovely lady where you would start trying before she is in her late 30s, so much the better. Although everything was fine a pregnant woman over 40 is considered to be high risk and of course there are more risks of complications. It also might be harder to conceive. Further, it's optimal to have married or at least committed time before you become parents. I think it's great that you're focusing on finding the right person and taking a good hard look at whether you can change your behavior or mindset to make that happen. Good luck!

It'll happen OP. I have always had that desire to be a mom so I can understand from that POV. As others have said, it's good you aren't settling. Just keep looking and prepare yourself for when the time does come.

I think you need to focus on finding a woman you get along great with - when you talk about what you want in life, be sure to mention that you want to eventually get married and have children with the right woman. If she wants the same thing, just doesn't know if you are the guy yet, she'll stick around and get to know you, and if she is just a partier, she will do you a favor and leave. I think kids come out of a great relationship and you need to get that one first. Also, if say you don't meet the "one" for a long time, and you end up only having one child, you can always adopt more.

You might have to change the way you meet women. Do volunteer work, etc, rather than hanging in bars. Join activities, etc, that will attract women who are confident with themselves and aren't just trolling for men. Open your age range from 25-35 instead of going for early 20s. (and btw, women 28-35 are more likely to be thinking about kids anyhow). Are you also open to dating a widowed/single mom of one child who wants more? If you open up with dating criteria, youll meet a lot of women.

I think you need to focus on finding a woman you get along great with - when you talk about what you want in life, be sure to mention that you want to eventually get married and have children with the right woman. If she wants the same thing, just doesn't know if you are the guy yet, she'll stick around and get to know you, and if she is just a partier, she will do you a favor and leave. I think kids come out of a great relationship and you need to get that one first. Also, if say you don't meet the "one" for a long time, and you end up only having one child, you can always adopt more.

I'd be a bit careful about generalizing about whether a woman who likes to party is ready to and wants to have children. If she tells you she wants to be a wife and mother in the not too distant future and she also has an active social life that includes going out dancing, to parties, etc I think that's great -let her get her fill of it before going out means getting a babysitter (and affording one!). If she is a heavy drinker or similar I would steer clear, just don't write someone off because of the social butterfly thing.

I absolutely agree, Batya. Sometimes we can be pretty narrow minded in our view of what "wife material" should entail. Even as a parent, you can have a very active social life, you can travel, you can have your passions. Being a parent doesn't have to mean you sit at home and watch t.v. every Saturday night.

Totally agree about the drinking thing, though. Alcoholism and motherhood do NOT mix well.

I'd be a bit careful about generalizing about whether a woman who likes to party is ready to and wants to have children. If she tells you she wants to be a wife and mother in the not too distant future and she also has an active social life that includes going out dancing, to parties, etc I think that's great -let her get her fill of it before going out means getting a babysitter (and affording one!). If she is a heavy drinker or similar I would steer clear, just don't write someone off because of the social butterfly thing.

There is a difference between someone who goes to dances and parties and someone who must absolutely go out every night, gets sloshed to the point of making poor choices while they are out, and likes variety in their guys etc. Big difference. He has had poor luck with meeting women in bars. I think its fine to meet someone who is social, but not to the point where they would never in a million years enjoy a quiet evening at home sometimes.

There is a difference between someone who goes to dances and parties and someone who must absolutely go out every night, gets sloshed to the point of making poor choices while they are out, and likes variety in their guys etc. Big difference. He has had poor luck with meeting women in bars. I think its fine to meet someone who is social, but not to the point where they would never in a million years enjoy a quiet evening at home sometimes.

What you wrote sounds extreme to me so of course I agree. I was responding to writing someone off because she likes to party, not writing someone off because of what you described above. I also don't think the person has to "enjoy a quiet evening at home" in order to be wife/mother material -she simply needs to enjoy being with her significant other and when you enjoy being with someone and love someone often the activity is secondary. A woman can claim she "enjoys quiet evenings at home" -a common cliche in on line profiles - but she's not going to enjoy that with the wrong person or someone she doesn't really click with. And, he also shouldn't be with someone who prefers quiet evenings at home alone - i.e. needs an inordinate amount of space -because having children especially a young child is not for those who shy away from sensory overload lol.