Friends with Benefits post breakup

People, what are your experiences/thoughts on being "friends with benefits" after the break up?

Is it a good idea? What is/was the outcome in the end when you both still have feelings for each other?

Short story of my situation. I want to be with her, she says that she has to work and focus on herself (school, daugher etc). After the BU, we have been together many of times and it seems like we really arent broken up. Talked about the situtation last night and it still remains FWB. I am confused on what to do.

Speaking from experience, FWB = bad news. Someone always wants more.

In my own experience, it was the last stop before breaking up permanently. She got to maintain some action on the side while looking around. I thought it was the beginning of getting back together.

I'll never do it again.

I have no experience with it but it sounds like a bad idea to me.

I have experience with it being the dumper.

I was FWB with my ex (6 years) after we broke up. Was in it for the sex only, because it was better when it was forbidden. I know. I am a bad person. But this eventually ended my "rebound" relationship when I had fallen in love with my new GF.

So...... I wish I hadn't done it or at least I wish I had stopped 2-3 weeks before getting into a new relationship.

While doing it, I had no intention of getting back with her. I guess it just eased her pain.

I guess it just eased her pain.

Quite the opposite.

Quite the opposite.

Well. She was able to make the transition and we still communicate. She asked me to get back together at one point (6 months after break-up), but I refused.

So more or less someone is disguising their true feelings even when they say that they still have fellings but can't be in a relationship at this point? Is that accurate to say?

I agree with what others have posted - it is never a good idea, especially if one goes into it hoping to reconcile.

In my case, I thought that by still hanging out and being intimate, it would remind my ex of all the good times we've had together and make him think twice about the breakup. That's not how it works, unfortunately. The dumper is the one getting an awesome deal - companionship and sex without a commitment, while being open to meet someone else. They'll never feel the pain of missing you because you're still there. Meanwhile, the dumpee is settling for less than what they want - my mindset at the time was that i'd rather be in a casual relationship with him than not be with him at all. I missed him so much that I was willing to be just FWB.

Eventually I decided that I didn't want to be demoted to FWB after being in a serious relationship for over a year, so I saved my dignity and stopped contacting him.

Basically, I think that remaining FWB ruins any possible chance of getting back together.

Well, in my case, I think it prolonged the agony, but made the transition easier for her into her new relationship and for me into mine. I have no idea what was in her head, but I had the sexual life with my EX and my new relationship in front of me.

I, from my side, did it, because I was used to that girl. I still am. She is great, but we met too young and I got fed up at one point. We discussed our relationship many times while being FWB and I made it clear that it is over. I will be there for her if she needs me. I will be her friend, but we were not going to be "together" or at least for now. I know that this may sound like a lot of the cliche dumpers here, but I really meant it. I see myself having a family with this woman, but not at this point. If it is said, we will get back together, but this time, it will be for good.

Selfish. I know. But maybe this is why I am punished right now. The wheel is turning....

but we were not going to be "together" or at least for now. I know that this may sound like a lot of the cliche dumpers here, but I really meant it. I see myself having a family with this woman, but not at this point. If it is said, we will get back together, but this time, it will be for good.

 

Selfish. I know. But maybe this is why I am punished right now. The wheel is turning....

So you are clinging to hope that you will be back together?

No. After all, I was the one that dumped her. I have no right to force her back after all I caused her. If I feel like it, I may suggest it and see what happens. I may consider it if she mentions it as well. But I am not living with this idea in mind.

FWB just doesn't work out so pretty, one person always wants more then the other and that person ends up hoping and not getting what they want while the other person is. Unless both parties are completely honest with themselves, it wont work. Had my experience of being the one who wanted more and the one who didn't. When I was the one who wanted more, I resented the other person and myself. I was giving more of myself while the other person held back. When I was in the other person's shoes I finally understood. I just wasn't mentally or emotionally willing to give my all. I ended up feeling guilty. So it's a lose lose. Mentally exhausting.

Agreed. Not easier for her.

Bad idea.

If an ex really still had the feelings they claim they do, they'd still be in the relationship.

But some keep up FWB because it's a great arrangement for them - convenient, no-strings sex. They aren't in it for the same reason the dumpee is.

In my experience, fwb being a good thing is a hit or miss. I had one when i didnt feel anything for the guy. I loved the concenience that i was getting some regularly and not havw to do gf duties.

In this one that im in where im the one wanting more, it sucks big time. Its like ik addicted to him and having a hard time walking away. I regret letting this go on for a long time now (going 6 yrs). Little by little im convincing myself that its not doing me good. The only thing thata good is the sex but other stuff, very crappy.

Fwb sucks!