★ I'm about make a life changing decision. I could really use some advice.

Hi my friends.

I am about to make a "move" that could effect the rest of my life. I am scared and kind of excited. But I am not sure. I am being forced to make the decision a bit quicker than I would like, but never the less it needs to be made. I would really like as many replies as I can get on this one. You have been there for me for so many years and through more relationships and heartache than anyone.

A quick background: I am 30, I live in Santa Monica, California. I have been wanting to move to Hawaii for 8 years. 2 years ago, I quit my high paying promising job to move to Hawaii. I had enough money saved for a year incase I could not find a job. I only wanted to move there for a couple of years, nothing permanent yet (because my fam is in los angeles). Well I met a girl, and did not make the move. I felt she was worth the investment. I had trouble finding employment immediately after deciding to stay and she did not have a job out of school, so we both blew through a lot of my savings. Well fast forward almost 2 years, we live together, a month ago she broke my heart, I am doing better but I am still heart broken. I was planning to propose to her. I am packing as we speak since I do not want to spend another month here in our apartment by myself. Plus I dont want to spend another $2300 for the months rent. So I put in my 30 days notice a couple of weeks ago and I have to be out in 2 weeks. I am painting the walls back to white this weekend.

The options

A.) I move to another apartment, cheaper, but still in the area I like here in LA. I will have to sign a minimum of a 1 year lease. Pay for movers. Keep my job, which is decent pay right now (50k), but I am not happy there and I do not feel that I have security there. The boss and I dont agree sometimes and I dont always know how to just do what I am told when I am passionate about the quality and success of the company.

B.) I suck it up, and accept that this is the best time to go follow my dream. I will go to Maui and try my luck. I will move my stuff into storage, resign from my job, and book a flight out in a couple weeks to Maui. I will spend two days to get settled in a temporary housing and will start looking for work, which I know will not be business work like I am used to, but low paying retail or something if I am lucky.

Why I believe that right now is the best time to do this.

Because I just got my heart broken again. I have proven that this time I am handling it better and not moping around. I am proactively trying to move on. I am accepting that it is over. I have always wanted to do this and right now I have NO mortgage, NO car payment, NO Career (a job yes), NO lease. My family is finally wiling to support me emotionally on this move (anything to make me happy they say, I am so lucky). Even though I wont make much there if I am lucky enough to get a job there, I wont need as much, most things out there will be free (hiking, beach, etc). My commute will be hardly anything (right now my commute is over an hour each day, and I live 7 miles from work).

Why this is life changing?

What Maui works for me? What if I am able to get a job and I meet new friends out there? Real friends. Right now my close friends all moved or moving away. Plus I havent had a close best friend (outside of her) in many years. What if I like the island life? What if I start a business there? What if I meet a new girl there? This is a 100% different life from Los Angeles. Maybe this will help me get over my ex? It will give me the time to work on myself and concentrate on myself. My last ex it took me 3 years to get over her. And the girl before that was almost 3 years. At the rate I am going it will be a lot less for this one even though I loved her the most.

Why this isn't the right time?

I dont want to be away from my family, I have never been before. Plus my brother just had a baby. Which means I wont be around for a while. What if it doesn't work? I dont want to spend all my savings doing this because my dream and desire is to work for myself. Even through the perfect idea has not come up lately, I have not made any investments in my ideas. But if I spend all my money in Maui trying to get a job, I will have to fly home and not have a savings to start a business, maybe ever again. Plus my worst fear, I cant even write it, but just saying, what if something happened to a member of my family and I cant get back to LA quick enough? That scares me. Every one on the city-data hawaii forum is saying DO NOT COME TO MAUI or anywhere in Hawaii. They say that even finding a low paying hourly job is almost impossible and that the cost of living is too high and that I will be discriminated against. So should I be leaving a 50k job for the unknown? I truly do not care about money as much as I used to, so I believe I will be ok.

Pros and Cons?

[table=width: 100%]

[tr]

[td]Pros For Going[/td]

[td]Cons For Going[/td]

[td] [/td]

[td]Pros For Staying[/td]

[td]Cons For Staying[/td]

[/tr]

[tr]

[td]Fresh Start[/td]

[td]Risking Savings[/td]

[td][/td]

[td]Job[/td]

[td]Trapped[/td]

[/tr]

[tr]

[td]Following Dream[/td]

[td]Giving up employment[/td]

[td][/td]

[td]Savings[/td]

[td]Stagnent[/td]

[/tr]

[tr]

[td]New Adventure[/td]

[td]No friends yet[/td]

[td][/td]

[td]Family[/td]

[td]Opportunity Lost again[/td]

[/tr]

[tr]

[td]Me time[/td]

[td]100% on my own again[/td]

[td][/td]

[td]A few friends[/td]

[td]No local friends[/td]

[/tr]

[tr]

[td]Possibilities[/td]

[td]Island fever?[/td]

[td][/td]

[td]Safe[/td]

[td]Signing a new lease[/td]

[/tr]

[/table]

What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Thanks everyone! I really value your opinions

Go for it!

DD, can I tell you, I have read most of your posts and they have helped me a lot. I am serious, even all 18 pages of the last one. Congrats on your business venture. I admire what your doing.

I say go for it but maybe for 6 months or less to see if you like it. But do keep in mind that if you are close to your family it is all that more difficult to get together, since it costs more money to fly home than just getting in a car or on the train or bus...

On the other hand, there is nothing like the sun and a beach to put your spirits up!

You can always come home at any time, and then you will never wonder "what if"...

I say go for it but maybe for 6 months or less to see if you like it. But do keep in mind that if you are close to your family it is all that more difficult to get together, since it costs more money to fly home than just getting in a car or on the train or bus...

 

On the other hand, there is nothing like the sun and a beach to put your spirits up!

 

You can always come home at any time, and then you will never wonder "what if"...

Thats what I am thinking. If 2 months pass and no job, I will just come back. Although we have beach and sun here in Los Angeles, I actually live on the water. Its just not the same. I havent been to the beach laying out in LA for 14 years? But Maui every other year.

Oh yes, ha ha, you did say LA... I guess I was speaking from the perspective of Oregon (which we had torrential rain all day today... ugh). I am now in my 50's with kids in school and a mortgage and pets and other obligations. I now wish I had taken the time to explore other parts of the world before settling down. It will have to wait now for me, but it is a good choice to do it while you can.

I think that I would take a more conservative approach. Move to the least expensive place that is feasible for you that is still in a reasonably secure neighborhood or building. It could mean being crammed or selling some of your furniture, it could mean having a roomie or it could be a room for rent/in-law apartment situation. This way you will save every penny you can. It will also prepare you for a downsize, as the alternatives in moving to Hawaii is storing your things for a few years at a cost if you don't want to go permanently, getting rid of stuff and leaving a few important mementos for safe keeping with family (not major items but a few things from childhood/heirlooms, etc,) or an expensive move.

I would let this all sit for a few months after you find a new place and heal. Then, a little later, I would start looking for employment opportunities in Hawaii and applying for them. I would go back and visit once or twice, too. This way, when you go, you have a job waiting for you. You will also be around for the birth of the baby. At the same time, you might try researching the companies that have a branch in LA and in Hawaii so that you might have a job that has you travel back and forth. btw, how can you say you won't have a commute? You have no idea where you might be able to find a job (on what island?)

Your big obstacle is lots of people want to move to Hawaii and then try to figure out what to do, so I would work on figuring out what to do there first before you take a leap.

Also, as far as starting a business - that doesn't work unless you know what business that will be. Most of the time people have a passion/hobby or identify a need and say "hey, that would make a great business - i could do this" Most of the time one doesn't say "i want to go into business for myself but have no idea what i want to do".

DD, can I tell you, I have read most of your posts and they have helped me a lot. I am serious, even all 18 pages of the last one. Congrats on your business venture. I admire what your doing.

Thank Jordan,

It's during a time like this, when you've broken up with a loved one and you're at a cross-roads in your life, that you can and should pursue a dream. You are unencumbered by the considerations of others now. There is no-one to compromise and negotiate with. You're free to follow your bliss.

I put my business plans on indefinite hold because of my ex. I supported and followed her dream to move from her country, where I've lived as an expatriate for 10 years, to another country where we were both foreigners. Before I could adapt and find my feet, she dumped me. I lost myself for her, but now I'm in the process of finding my self for me.

This business venture, while risky (I have no income and I'm living off savings), is the perfect thing for me now. If it comes off, I'll be set. If it doesn't I'll have no regrets.

Go for it, mate. You have nothing to lose really. And everything to gain!

Cheers,

DD

I know a bit about Hawaii, I used to date a guy who owned a house or two there. One: if you think L.A. is expensive, move to Hawaii. 50k per year will get you a tenement place, like a closet. Food is VERY expensive there. $150 per week for the basic foods. Don't even think of eating anything but fast food unless you earn big bucks. If you aren't born in Hawaii and you family isn't known, good luck getting ANY kind of job. There is rampant prejudice there against anyone who wasn't born or raised on the island, unless your very, very, rich. Then they will tolerate you. Dating is too expensive to even think of unless you make big bucks.

Now, despite all of that, it IS one of the most beautiful places on earh and I love it. The weather is great year-round and the people are very nice to look at (make even L.A. guys and girls look a bit bad!). If you are going to move there, do it now while you are young. That way if it doesn't work out you can always move back home and you don't have an entire family to relocate.

I wouldn't do it, but I am scared of being homeless or hungry. That always stops me.

I say go for it, but just be sure it is for the right reasons. Make sure being heartbroken is not the main reason for the move. It can factor more into it than you think. Me, I move around a lot. This was triggered by a bad breakup and I just quit my job, cut all my ties and left because that scared/excited feeling of doing something different was the only thing keeping me going. I realize now that this was self-destructive behaviour. So just make sure it's for the right reasons.

Practical advice for moving to a new place: if you're not social, you need to become so because loneliness will come on after the thrill of the move wears off. I don't know much about Hawaii, but if a low-paying job is your only option (or a temporary one) then staff housing does wonders for the budget if you can find it. I also find that career-wise, smaller towns are often a better bet as there is more a demand for trained/specialized/experienced people as populations in small towns tend to take up entry-level positions and leave more specialized jobs vacant. They have no choice but to recruit from out of town. Though again, I don't know much about Hawaii so don't take my word for it!

I think for you, this would be a good thing, especially if it's something you've always wanted to do and have no baggage, so to speak. Just make sure that you're doing it for the right reasons, and make sure that if it doesn't work out, you can go home again.

do not make any big decisions in grief. clear your head for the meantime then do the leap.

i know someone who did what you are considering....except it was Waikiki. SHe went over as a Canadian with no money. Anyway, she ended up working in a store for close to $20/hour with no visa and ended up marrying a guy. Apparently the pay is much higher due to high prices. And, everyone in all the big end retail stores on the strip were either American or Canadian.

She loves it and would never come back. Yes she has a roommate, due to high rent, but things like going to the beach are free. She lives in her flip flops. No one really wears suits, just shorts and flip flops. She does yoga, eats healthy and looks amazing when I went to visit her.

Go for it! You only live once. There are tons of Japanese tourists who are very polite and seem to not have suffered from the recession

Just do it!

Alright. I think I am going to do it. Even my family is sounding supportive. It's been a dream of mine to try it. Not to live there permanently, but to try it out. I picked out flights, even a return flight a few months down so that will be reserved.

Please keep the comments going.

Hey DD, when your venture needs sales, call me up. I have been a director of sales and operations for years and all in the Internet industry, one startup. Plus I have a few of my own ventures. Surprisingly how satisfying it is to work free when it's your own venture.

Hey DD, when your venture needs sales, call me up. I have been a director of sales and operations for years and all in the Internet industry, one startup. Plus I have a few of my own ventures. Surprisingly how satisfying it is to work free when it's your own venture.

Haha! Well if it kicks and goes viral in this town like we expect it to, we'll be looking for franchisees/licensees in cities, regions, and nations around the world. Intrepid self-starters could do very well out of it.

I think im going to do it. The ticket price is 678 round trip with Hawaiian and it includes 2 checked bags free and waived few for changing flights. To get those features it's about $100 higher (originally 577).

She just left. She was here for 6 hours packing. It's amazing how she looks at me and talks to me like I am a friend. NOthing like how she used to look at me. Still calls me babe and boo. Kissed me when she said goodbye but It was just a peck on the lips out of habit. Yesterday when she came by to drop off boxes, she hugged me for a while and starred at me when saying goodbye. It's like every time we see each other she pulls more and more away. This sucks.

When she was here yesterday, when she was hugging me, she asked if I want her to stop contacting me (she knows I went NC with my last ex). I told her yes, I will need my space after this is taken care of (the move). So I guess she is prepared for me to not talk to her for years. That makes me really sad to think she can handle that.

Ohhhhh. I did say something to her. I said, "hey just curious, did you tell ______ what happened between us?" this is her close friend the one she is staying with. she said yes. I then said "cool, then maybe one day, you don't have to now, but maybe one day fill me in too. Because I still don't know what happened. Last I knew you were confused and something was missing that you could t put your finger on.". She hesitated understood and walked back in the room to pack. Nothing more was said. Would it be so wrong to explain to me why our relationship ended? Maybe I could learn from it. I just keep telling myself that she is a unfaithful, spoiled brat who I caught lying and that this is a godsend. I truthfully don't know that she was unfaithful, but I did catch her lying about where she was. Is that wrong how I planted the seed?

What sucks is that her mom reads into everything and when my ex told her mom Not to come, she read into that as she wants to spend time alone with me. Then she calls me to give me pointers. I was nice, friendly, bought her an extra wardrobe box, I brought in pizza (with her fav topping). Wasn't expecting her to look at me like that.

This is so hard. Anyway I didn't tell her about Hawaii. Part of me fantasizes about her coming to her senses after a while of NC and askes to see me. Then I will explain she would have to fly to Hawaii for that because I'm not leaving the beach. I hope no one tells her. I foolishly told more than a few people, including her mom.

Oh yeah one more thing happened. Her good friend, the one she is staying with, stumbled upon my online dating profile. I saw her on my visitors. I'm a little embarrassed and I hope my ex doesn't find out. Either way I just disabled my account. I have come to realize I was trying to force myself to get out there to help me recover. But what I really need to do is just absorb, reflect, and work on improving myself. Starting with getting back into shape. And starting with Hawaii.

Go for it. You only live once.

Guess what? I just booked it. I leave for Maui on the 9th. Ticket paid for.

Awesome Jordan!! I'm about to do the same! Getting out of small town Louisiana and moving to New Orleans!! Alot has to do with my ex seeing someone new (after 1.5 months of being broke up, even bringing him around her 5 yr old son). I need to get out of here and start a new fresh life. Went apartment shopping today! Not sure if I'm running away, but I proposed to her and she said no. I feel like this is something I need to do. I've always played it safe, but now I feel like I need to take a chance and experience a new life. Doing my best to just move on. Hopefully I'm doing the right thing here?