Four months ago I broke up for the second and final time with my girlfriend of ten and a half years. The relationship itself is a long story, so I'll get to the point. We initially broke up nearly four years ago and she moved away (there were issues within the relationship, plus she wanted to be back home near her family), but we reconciled after about nine months and spent the remaining time in a long distance relationship, living two time zones apart. Of course, in hindsight we never really addressed the underlying issues in the relationship, so the second breakup wasn't exactly a big surprise.
After the breakup this past summer, we initially tried the "let's be friends" routine, which seemed to work okay for her but was painful for me (I still live in the apartment we shared for four and a half years, and will still come accross receipts with her name on it or other little reminders; a month or so ago I found some of her mementos, etc. which I boxed up and sent to her). I just couldn't chitty-chat with her about the weather while breakup wounds remained, as it reminded me of what we had while driving home the fact that we were not to be. Plus, I know that she's ready to move on. So, two weeks ago I broke off all contact, figuring it was necessary (at least for me) in order to heal. I can't be "just friends" with her yet. I probably should have done this from the get go, but after ten years, she's my best friend and I didn't want to lose that. I now sadly realize that being friends may not be in the cards.
Anyway, four months have passed since the breakup and I am still deeply upset. I will be okay for a few days, and then there will be evenings when I get deeply upset. It will hit me out of nowhere like a punch in the gut. I am so tired of feeling this way and I just want it to stop. I want to heal and move on. I'm tired of expending emotional energy for a dead relationship. As she's ready to move on at this point, I feel like I've been left behind and that I'm taking an abnormally long time to recover. It makes me think "what's wrong with me?" Logically, I know that after a ten plus year relationship, four months is a drop in the bucket and I should expect a lengthy recovery time, but logic doesn't really get much say in one's reaction to breakups, unfortunately.
I'd be interested to hear of anyone's thoughts, opinions or experiences.