Jump to content

My Boyfriend "had" an account in Adult Friend Finder


itsasecret

Recommended Posts

Hi guys.. I accidentally guessed my boyfriend's password in his Yahoo Mail. Forgive me for snooping, but I just found out something.. He has an account in Adult Friend Finder and * * * * Buddy Mobile. The thing is I'm not sure if he is still using it actively or not. I tried to find the mail where he will get his password, and I tried to log in. But when I tried to log in, it said "Please Contact Customer Service regarding details of this account". Previously, I tried to retrieve the password and it said that my boyfriend stopped the service from sending notifications on his account. My best guess is that he deleted the account.. But it bothers me still. He signed up 1 month after we got together. We are now 5 months going on 6... and the account appears to be deleted at around the 4th month. I'm wondering how in the world could he think of doing such a thing. I don't want to know what he has been doing there, or if he's still there, what are the things that he has been doing. I understand that he's a guy (hormones) and people make mistakes, and I know that he doesn't want me to find out. It just makes me sad that I may be questioning his integrity as a partner as time passes by. I really want to be the one for him and him for me, but finding out about these kinds of things really makes me feel disillusioned.

 

We are not sexually active (I'm 20, he's 24), and we both live in the Philippines, which is a bit culturally conservative. We had 'some' experiences but it never really went far, it was just out of the spur of the moment things that made us both guilty and we promised not to do it again. It was against my religious convictions to have sex before marriage, and he respects that.

 

I love him and I really want to make it work for us, but I'm thinking if this is a red flag with this person I'm with. I certainly do not want to be with an infidel person for the rest of my life. I take relationships seriously and I don't want to stay in this relationship if I know that he will keep doing these kinds of things. Please help, how will I go about this? Should I talk to him about it or should I just sweep it under the rug and just wait for the perfect time, or should I not bring it up at all and just observe him? The thing is, with my personality, it apparently affects my interaction with the person when I find out something bad about him/her until I bring it up. What do I do? Help!

 

Any advice will be helpful, thanks!

Link to comment

Sorry you had me laughing when you said you accidently guessing his password....you know how silly that sounds after re-reading it I'm sure.

 

Anyway, at this point you opened up pandora's box inside your mind so you can only do one thing, and that's to approach him about it. Just ask him very casually if he ever used any dating websites...if he has nothing to hide he very well may just tell you the truth and, "Why Yes Honeylovinbuns I did at one point but not anymore!!"

 

Who knows? Ask.

Link to comment

Hahaha, I know, it's silly. The thing is, it wasn't my initial intention to snoop into his account. But being the curious cat that I am, I tried placing the numerals of his birthday as the password to see if I could guess it, the it turns out that I was right. Hahaha. Anyway, thanks! I think I'll just ask him casually and see if he's going to tell me the truth. And what if he doesn't? Is that the time that I should bring it up?

Link to comment

Curious cat? I think you are being too kind to yourself here. It sounds like a total invasion of privacy.

 

You are walking a very delicate line here. Why not leave it alone. Concentrate on your time together. You said it does not look like it is an active account. I think it would be much more dangerous if he should discover that you have been busy trying to hack into his accounts.

Link to comment
How about we not snoop into other people's private stuff?

 

Something made you snoop - or you have no bounadries.

 

I agree with OptomisticGirl. What made you decide to start hacking around in those specific sites? Did he admit that he had previous account there or did you check those and many others? What information made you go searching?

Link to comment

The reason why these kinds of things bother me and I tend to snoop is because 2 days ago, he logged in my laptop and left his facebook messages open. I found a message that he was talking to an older woman, and a part of the message went "Please don't tell geline (me) about janice." I opened it up to him and explained why I knew about it, and he explained that there was a girl whom he courted before and she keeps on bothering him even when we are together right now. He assured me that it was nothing and me, trusting him, didn't get upset about it. The conversation went well.

 

I do trust him now and I don't get upset, I usually settle with explanations. But at the back of my mind I kept thinking that he might be hiding things from me which made me peek into his account. I know some or most of you have been there, when you know in your heart that you trust your man but there comes a time when some circumstances where your trust gets tested. I do hope you all understand where I'm coming from.

Link to comment

I have been exactly were you are which is why I can tell you you don't trust him. You're saying you trust him - and to some extent you BELIEVE you trust him - but the bottom line is if you snoop, you don't trust him. If you trusted him you would take his word for what he says and that be the end of it. This isn't advocating sticking your head in the sand while he's sleeping around on you but if this was the first and ONLY time thus far he's given you pause then yes, you should trust him when he gave his explanation. If this isn't the first time he's given you pause then you need to look at the fact that you really don't trust him - otherwise you never would have snooped - and leave.

 

You can't trust someone and snoop on them - I know, I have been there. I said I trusted my ex and blah, blah, blah - but at the end of the day, I didn't. he gave me MANY reasons to pause and I used those as justification for going into his private space and not trusting him.

Link to comment

 

I do trust him now and I don't get upset, I usually settle with explanations. But at the back of my mind I kept thinking that he might be hiding things from me which made me peek into his account.

 

This is a complete contradiction. The opposite of trust is thinking someone is hiding something. You do not trust him, and you shouldn't have been in his email, period. So whatever you found there is yours to deal with.

Link to comment

If I have something to hide from my mate to the point that I have to fear them looking through my correspondance, then maybe I shouldn't be engaging in that behavior...

or be in that relaitonship!

 

He might have signed up for it, discovered it was ridiculous, and then cancelled. Who knows. Those sites are notorious for neverending spam.

 

I believe in 'no boundary' relationships myself, personally...as in, we have no boundaries between each other, the only boundary is between us and ths outside world...but I bet this is a bit old fashioned...If one of us has social cancer, the kind that slowly destroys one of our's interest in the relationship, it affects the both of us. it's called accounability - and I realize most of you would love to be held accountable to NO ONE but perhaps a God, if there is one, but the reality is, the more we're held accountable for our indiscretions, the less likely we are to do shady crap...

Link to comment
  • 11 months later...

I had the same experience with my husband of 13 years! walked up to our shared computer and THERE IT WAS! My advice to you is MOVE ON-I have found this kind of behavior in the past and ignored it. Then he was not only on Adult Friend Finder he was on craigslist looking for daytime sex! Also this behavior is instilled and DOES NOT CHANGE-BELIEVE ME! If he was satisfied with you as I thought my EX-HUSBAND was with me HE WOULD NOT BE ON THIS SITE! THINK ABOUT IT??

Link to comment

You are both young, I don't see anything malicious here, these are all normal things. News for women out there: if a guy is bit sexually active, will look at some form of porn or some sort. These sites you mentioned sound terrible to you, for sure, but rest reassured these are pure scams with one goal: to get one's credit card number.

 

I would not worry about this or that other woman either etc. enjoy your 20 years old life and smile!

 

Oh, and do not spy anymore , it only hurts you for no good reason

Link to comment
You are both young, I don't see anything malicious here, these are all normal things. News for women out there: if a guy is NOT sexually active, will look at some form of porn or some sort. These sites you mentioned sound terrible to you, for sure, but rest reassured these are pure scams with one goal: to get one's credit card number.

 

I would not worry about this or that other woman either etc. enjoy your 20 years old life and smile!

 

Oh, and do not spy anymore , it only hurts you for no good reason

 

Correction , I meant to write :

'...NOT sexually active ...'

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...