"enough"

Hi Everyone,

So Ive been trying to work on changing a lot of my core beliefs about life. I really want to view things in a different way because the way I view certain things are very negative and they hold me back from fully living.

So on the subject of "enough." Here are some of my beliefs:

1) When hanging out with new people or people I do not know well, I will not have ENOUGH to talk about (so I avoid going).

2) There is not ENOUGH to do in this lifetime. Life will get boring (this leads to me being messy our slightly overweight so I always have "something to do" waiting for me).

3) I will get bored with my career (basic belief that there is not ENOUGH in one career)

4) Romantic relationships rarely work out because they get boring, or there is never ENOUGH to do or talk about.

Also I have some of these beliefs because of statistics and so I do not even try things because I know the negative statistical rate (like divorce).

I would love someone to challenge these beliefs and show me a new way of looking at things!!

Thanks!

1. If you don't have enough to talk about, then try doing new things in your life so you can share them.

2. I don't even understand this -- most people say there isn't enough time. The # of things to do and experience is almost endless --- photography, painting, reading, writing, traveling, sports, yoga, etc..............

3. Then change careers (but I think you mean job)

4. They don't get boring if you put in effort. Nothing works on auto-pilot.

I don't think anyone challenging your beliefs is going to make a difference other than perhaps very short term -for a few hours maybe. Having been working on my own negative "tape" for quite some time now -I see it as a daily challenge, I see it as essential to keep reinforcing for yourself that you're not going to listen to or react to the negativity/negative tapes in your head and basically you fake it till you make it. The problem is that if you have a negative mindset my telling you why I don't agree with your beliefs won't get through in any meaningful way.

As for me I can't relate to "boring". I've had three very interesting careers -current one is full time mom. Each had their boring times/situations but from my mindset that was perfectly normal and not a reason to walk away or to be any less motivated. I've had very interesting and serious/long term romantic relationships. It took me two decades to get married (meaning I wanted to be married since my early 20s and I was 42 when I got married) - the reasons the others didn't work out didn't have to do with boredom. As far as meeting new people I am a big fan of listening more than talking so running out of things to talk about would never be a concern. I tend to be too chatty when I am nervous so to compensate I force myself to let the others do the majority of the talking -far more interesting since I can hear myself talk any time!

I doubt anything I wrote resonated with you in a meaningful way - and of course neither of us is right or wrong -it's just a matter of perspective.

I'll bite. I don't think you need to challenge your beliefs, but instead just accept them and the world as it is. I agree with many of your points and think they are true, however they are not problems for me. I EXPECT work to be boring, therefore when it is, it doesn't bother me in the least. I EXPECT not to have much to talk about when talking to people I don't know, so it doesn't bother me when it happens. There are many people out there who expect a relationship to be filled with fun activities to do which are never boring - I don't think this is realistic at all so I would skip a relationship with someone like this. Instead, I'd rather have a relationship with someone who is happy being with me at my most boring.

This is just me, but I am never bored. Even at its hardest, I see life as an adventure to be lived to its fullest. I embrace strangers, children, animals, adventure, challenges, I just do it all to the nth degree. Life can be tough at times, it is for me right now. BUT...I LOVE the challenge of it all!

Thanks to everyone for you responses. The reason why im challenging these beliefs is because I want my life to change for the better and I just need a new way to view life. I think you get exactly what you believe and because of this I am always single, have money and depression issues. I dont want to accept this way of life.

I'm quoting someone here that was quoting someone, so I don't know where the quote originally came from: "you're only as interesting as the people you meet and the books you read."

Don't have enough to talk about? Read, talk to people, go out and do something. Make yourself have an exciting weekend.

The secret to most conversation is guiding other people's talking by asking the right questions. Hell, you can have a decent conversation and never say a word if you actually listen to someone and inquire more and more.

Not enough to do in this lifetime? Do you have more money than you need? How many languages do you speak? Have you discovered a scientific/mathematical theorem that will change the world? Read classics up to modern day literature (over 2,000 years worth)? Mastered English? There is not ENOUGH LIFE to do what's possible. How you seem to think there's not enough to do before you're bored is mind-boggling. That screams "I'm lazy." There's enough to do, you just lack motivation to do it.

Choose a career where you can GROW. Yeah, you'll get bored of a deskjob if you never advance. Even working at Wal-Mart...you can start out as a cart-pusher and work your way up to a store GM/corporate bigwig, and you probably wouldn't make it to CEO in your lifetime, unless you branched out and lead your own/other businesses with the knowledge you accumulate. Even teachers...you can either sit in the same room your whole career, or you can move up the ranks: teacher, team leader, department chair, low-level administrator, dean/principal/superintendent, multi-district, state level policy, federal level policy... You seriously lack motivation.

Relationships are not meant to be exciting every day. Sure, someone in the world might get that, whatever. Long lasting relationships last because both partners like each others company, give each other their space, understand finances, and setup mutual goals. Then you breed and can lead the little you to greatness beyond what you accomplished, or you can tell them life sucks and to not do anything because there's too much life for what there is to do...

READ.

READ.

READ.

When I say read, I'm not talking about junk fiction. Anyone can read that, that doesn't improve your mind because any John can skim it in a day or two, it's entertainment like TV. Read non-fiction books, and read them TO LEARN. Slow down, take notes, expand your horizons. Life will open up.

The history of math: link removed

Break down goals, something you definitely need: link removed

Things to do before you die: link removed

Get busy living or get busy dying.

Thanks to everyone for you responses. The reason why im challenging these beliefs is because I want my life to change for the better and I just need a new way to view life. I think you get exactly what you believe and because of this I am always single, have money and depression issues. I dont want to accept this way of life.

Whatever you've faced, someone else has faced worse.

Read some biographies/autobiographies. I highly recommend reading about Abraham Lincoln. That man lost his children, had half the nation wishing for his death, suffered severe depression/migraines. Started out poor and a nobody, and ended up rocking it. Used to mock people until he was challenged to a duel. That changed his life, and he never criticized anyone after that, and became one of the most humble people in history.

Good luck.

Sometimes I get really surprised at how judgmental people can be. You never know what just happened in someones life, where they came from or what they have gone through. Its good to acknowledge that someone is on here looking is for help and support because they may not have it elsewhere, or have shame/guilt and dont feel comfortable talking about it face to face.

"Bozos on the bus"