Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: How do you break up with an emotionally unstable person?

  1. #1
    EmeraldFrog23
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    64

    How do you break up with an emotionally unstable person?

    For those of you who haven't been following my recent relationship nightmare, a few weeks ago, I caught my long distance fiance subscribing to hook up sites and emailing girls from said hook up sites. Now I consider myself a very tolerant and forgiving person. If my fiance would have handled this situation better, then I probably would not be considering a break up. But he did not put deleting the emails and unsubscribing from the websites as number one priority.

    When a relationship is broken you can do one of two things, try to fix it, or throw it away. I have tried repairing it, but I feel that he is not putting in the same amount of effort as I in trying to fix things and move past this event. Nothing has been normal since my discovery of this incident. He blames it on his new job and working long hours. Because of the time difference and his work schedule (he sometimes works 14 hour days) it has been a struggle just to communicate regularly with him.

    Ending the relationship would be horrible and depressing but I think in the long run it would be better for both of us. Long distance relationships are very hard work and lately, especially after this incident, I have concluded my fiance is not good at maintaining a healthy long distance relationship.

    That being said, I am very worried about breaking things off with him right now. He is very depressed and emotionally stressed out for a number of reasons including pressure from his family and recent events from his past that are re-surfacing. I feel that breaking up with him now may tip him over the edge and cause him to do something drastic like attempt to kill himself. He has already told me recently that if I leave him, he will shoot himself.
    The thing is he has tried to commit suicide before and it was me who rushed him to the hospital (The suicide attempt was not related to our relationship). What I'm saying is, he's capable of going through with his threat. This is another reason why I'm hesitant to stay in a relationship with him. I don't want to spend the rest of my life worrying if he gets too depressed and may decide to end his life while I'm at work or something.
    I know that I'm not responsible for his actions but would anyone want this on their conscience? I don't know if I could live with the weight of that for the rest of my life.
    How should I proceed with the break up? I want to be gentle but firm. I want him to know that there is no chance of us getting back together but I don't want to be cold. I still love this man and want him to know the reasons I'm breaking up with him. I've already suggested he get therapy for his depression on multiple occasions. I sincerely think he needs it and it will benefit him. He claims he doesn't have the time to do this but hopefully he will warm up to the idea.

    Losing a boyfriend is horrible but when you are losing an engagement it is an extra level of despair. Please advise me on the best way to do this to avoid him hurting himself and me feeling guilty.

  2. #2
    Moontiger
    Platinum Member Moontiger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Chicago
    Age
    30
    Posts
    7,735
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    986
    You cannot stay with him out of fear of what he will do to himself. Saying he is going to shoot himself is emotionally abusive on his part. If I were you I would do this: Write an email/letter, have other look it over before you send it, we here at ENA have don that more than once.

    After you send it, block his phone number, changer your email, and block him on all social networking tools you have.

    You may want to contact a friend/relative of his right before you send the letter so they can check on him.

  3. #3
    EmeraldFrog23
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    64
    Quote Originally Posted by Moontiger [Register to see the link]
    You cannot stay with him out of fear of what he will do to himself. Saying he is going to shoot himself is emotionally abusive on his part. If I were you I would do this: Write an email/letter, have other look it over before you send it, we here at ENA have don that more than once.

    After you send it, block his phone number, changer your email, and block him on all social networking tools you have.

    You may want to contact a friend/relative of his right before you send the letter so they can check on him.
    So you really think a letter or email is the best way to handle this? I always thought in person or on the phone was best. With him it could be 2 weeks before he checks his emails and a letter would take a considerable amount of time to reach him.
    Are you suggesting an email or letter because he is more likely to make more suicide threats on the phone and convince me to stay with him?

  4. #4
    Moontiger
    Platinum Member Moontiger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Chicago
    Age
    30
    Posts
    7,735
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    986
    He will try to manipulate you, threaten to kill himself, etc. You can always send him a text message saying, "You need to check your email right now." After you send the email. DO NOT speak to him in person.

Top Threads
He Left My Clothes in His Yard to Pick Up
Here is a follow to my situation: After I spent four days with this guy I met online, I inadvertently left a few clothes at his place. Almost two
Ex is with new guy, I really dont know what to do
Im sorry if this is long, I just wanted to give the best story i could, i still left out a ton. So I really need some help. My ex broke up with me
So confusing as to how to explain or think about this. Please advise.
After ending a 10 yr relationship last summer, around a month after I joined a dating app. After meeting a few guys I liked online, my trust was
Pregnant and blocked ex
One of the nastiest break ups I've ever had. I'm an older woman who got knocked up by her younger man. I was bad and lied that I had an abortion but
Broke up due to genotype incompatibility
I broke up with my fiance because he is AC and I am AS. He has been calling me ever since telling me he is willing to go thru regardless of the
Feel like he's drawing it out.
So my partner broke up with me on Monday. Tuesday he confirmed that was what he wanted and asked for us to exchange belongings on Wednesday evening
Intimate with guy friend and now we're not friends-he's "done with me"
Hi, so i know this is a little different since we weren't really dating. However, we were friends/coworkers for over 2 years. We had a pretty obvious

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
He Left My Clothes in His Yard to Pick Up
Here is a follow to my situation: After I spent four days with this guy I met online, I inadvertently left a few clothes at his place. Almost two
Does he really think I'm trolling him/can't trust me or is just an excuse?
Met a guy last summer. I broke it off with him 3 times in 6 dates, over concern about distance, but kept apologizing. The last break off he said he
My 8 year old won't go to sleep or stay asleep 😣😣
Feel like I am losing my mind. My 8 year old just won't go to bed.. or she at least won't stay in bed. She is still up now at 9.45pm (after being
HSP in LDR, about to move to be with him and get married
Im a Highly Sensitive Person. I get very overwhelmed very easily. If i dont sleep well, if theres too much noise, if there are too many
Am I being selfish or unreasonable?
Hi everyone, Sorry for my first post to be one of all doom and gloom, but I'm stuck and don't know what to do. I want to start by saying that I
Stomach flu fears
I have a huge fear of stomach flu, if i am exposed or know someone has had it a have really bad anxiety and stress over it. Yesterday at 11am at my
Boyfriend Likes Questionable Pictures on Instagram– Should I Be Worried?
Long story short, he's been liking some questionable pictures that this other woman (whom he knows irl) posts. In one of the pictures he liked, she's
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •