Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: How do you break up with an emotionally unstable person?

  1. #1
    EmeraldFrog23
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    64

    How do you break up with an emotionally unstable person?

    For those of you who haven't been following my recent relationship nightmare, a few weeks ago, I caught my long distance fiance subscribing to hook up sites and emailing girls from said hook up sites. Now I consider myself a very tolerant and forgiving person. If my fiance would have handled this situation better, then I probably would not be considering a break up. But he did not put deleting the emails and unsubscribing from the websites as number one priority.

    When a relationship is broken you can do one of two things, try to fix it, or throw it away. I have tried repairing it, but I feel that he is not putting in the same amount of effort as I in trying to fix things and move past this event. Nothing has been normal since my discovery of this incident. He blames it on his new job and working long hours. Because of the time difference and his work schedule (he sometimes works 14 hour days) it has been a struggle just to communicate regularly with him.

    Ending the relationship would be horrible and depressing but I think in the long run it would be better for both of us. Long distance relationships are very hard work and lately, especially after this incident, I have concluded my fiance is not good at maintaining a healthy long distance relationship.

    That being said, I am very worried about breaking things off with him right now. He is very depressed and emotionally stressed out for a number of reasons including pressure from his family and recent events from his past that are re-surfacing. I feel that breaking up with him now may tip him over the edge and cause him to do something drastic like attempt to kill himself. He has already told me recently that if I leave him, he will shoot himself.
    The thing is he has tried to commit suicide before and it was me who rushed him to the hospital (The suicide attempt was not related to our relationship). What I'm saying is, he's capable of going through with his threat. This is another reason why I'm hesitant to stay in a relationship with him. I don't want to spend the rest of my life worrying if he gets too depressed and may decide to end his life while I'm at work or something.
    I know that I'm not responsible for his actions but would anyone want this on their conscience? I don't know if I could live with the weight of that for the rest of my life.
    How should I proceed with the break up? I want to be gentle but firm. I want him to know that there is no chance of us getting back together but I don't want to be cold. I still love this man and want him to know the reasons I'm breaking up with him. I've already suggested he get therapy for his depression on multiple occasions. I sincerely think he needs it and it will benefit him. He claims he doesn't have the time to do this but hopefully he will warm up to the idea.

    Losing a boyfriend is horrible but when you are losing an engagement it is an extra level of despair. Please advise me on the best way to do this to avoid him hurting himself and me feeling guilty.

  2. #2
    Moontiger
    Platinum Member Moontiger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Chicago
    Age
    30
    Posts
    7,723
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    971
    You cannot stay with him out of fear of what he will do to himself. Saying he is going to shoot himself is emotionally abusive on his part. If I were you I would do this: Write an email/letter, have other look it over before you send it, we here at ENA have don that more than once.

    After you send it, block his phone number, changer your email, and block him on all social networking tools you have.

    You may want to contact a friend/relative of his right before you send the letter so they can check on him.

  3. #3
    EmeraldFrog23
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    64
    Quote Originally Posted by Moontiger [Register to see the link]
    You cannot stay with him out of fear of what he will do to himself. Saying he is going to shoot himself is emotionally abusive on his part. If I were you I would do this: Write an email/letter, have other look it over before you send it, we here at ENA have don that more than once.

    After you send it, block his phone number, changer your email, and block him on all social networking tools you have.

    You may want to contact a friend/relative of his right before you send the letter so they can check on him.
    So you really think a letter or email is the best way to handle this? I always thought in person or on the phone was best. With him it could be 2 weeks before he checks his emails and a letter would take a considerable amount of time to reach him.
    Are you suggesting an email or letter because he is more likely to make more suicide threats on the phone and convince me to stay with him?

  4. #4
    Moontiger
    Platinum Member Moontiger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Chicago
    Age
    30
    Posts
    7,723
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    971
    He will try to manipulate you, threaten to kill himself, etc. You can always send him a text message saying, "You need to check your email right now." After you send the email. DO NOT speak to him in person.

Top Threads
Feedback about sending a letter of explaination following a crazy breakup
So I'll try to keep this brief even though it's a lot to explain but I guess the details matter in this situation. ME and my ex had been together
Being left for another man by my ex girlfriend
My and my ex gf broke up 7 months ago back in late April. We had bad fights and she stated she was unhappy. She then proceeded to have an active
Is he playing mind games
Hey guys so I told you guys a couple of weeks ago my ex reached out and I didn't respond. Now he calls my family even more , he doesn't mention me to
Rebound or not, this is tough
Was with my now ex for 4 years. I brought her little boy up as my own. Loved him. Dealt with her massive insecurity, paranoia and issues let's call
He let me go in a confusing way
A man I love recently told me he found a deep cave and it will take a long time to get out and banned me from visiting him. I know that trying to
Advice needed. VERY Long post. Dumped by boyfriend after two years
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years 2.5 months. With that said, the day it would hit the three month mark would be his birthday, 19th of
Hard Time Accepting Break Up
My ex of four years broke up with me unexpectedly, after having time to think , i suspect that it might have been due to his increasing drinking

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Tired of Being His Provider??
Okay so I found this site through Google. This seems like a pretty common topic and I suppose I just need to vent. My husband has been unemployed
Beautiful women who works at lush...
So there is this a girl who works at this place. I've been in there twice now and she is a stunner. Its one of those girls who you have to look twice
Being left for another man by my ex girlfriend
My and my ex gf broke up 7 months ago back in late April. We had bad fights and she stated she was unhappy. She then proceeded to have an active
Wondering?
Ok, I posted before about my situation but I would like to further talk. This woman I became involved with 3 years ago TOLD me she had feelings for
Break up Advice Needed
Hi all, I really need some advice on my recent break up with my girlfriend of almost five years. A few months ago I started to feel unhappy and
She's getting ready for marriage. She thinks that it is what I want. My fault.
So, I am pretty much in a difficult situation. I have been with a girl for the past 4 years. In these 4 years, after a while I realized she really
Venting - Advice...?
Hello, Im a 36 year old male, married with 3 kids. My wife and I are pretty much like roommates. There is zero sex life and its from both ends
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •