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Thread: I want to contact my ex after 6 months no contact.

  1. #1
    steve87
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    I want to contact my ex after 6 months no contact.

    Hey,

    The thing is, I have managed to stay away and not contact the ex after 6 months but I really, REALLY want to contact her and tell her how much I despise her and how she has reacted to many things.

    I have found out so many dark secrets since the split that it is making me so incredibly angry. I have to cope with stupid Facebook status's aimed at me at least 3 times a week (I'm not her friend on fb but it gets around, other people find it amusing).

    I have completely dodged the ex for 6 months, if she is out then I stay in - I haven't seen her once since the BU. Her brother recently started messaging horrible messages to my mother! That really raged me! The ex vandalised my car, wrote a bad word up the whole side of it with lip stick.

    When we were together she was messaging two guys in a flirty way and I asked her about it and she said they were just friends and being so nieve, I believed her. As soon as we broke up, they're all over each other. She said they were married, had kids etc. That was a big FAT LIE.

    I know I shouldn't contact her, but it feels like she has so much power over me.

    I'm seeing someone else now, and we really get on and I enjoy being with her so much. We are having a really good time. I just want to not care AT AL about what the ex does is will do.

    Does this feeling go away?

  2. #2
    Flyingpiglet
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    You have to know what most people are going to tell you here... Think about it, what advice would you give other people?

    DO NOT contact her under any circumstances... You will achieve nothing apart from putting yourself back!

    I'm also a little worried that you're dating someone else when you clearly aren't completely moved on form the ex... Does she deserve to get dragged into this and potentially end up hurt?

    And lastly... DEACTIVATE Facebook! I know it's the best thing I ever did!

  3. #3
    Snowy
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    The feeling will go away I promise. Give it more time. Suppress your anger.

    If you contact her, that would only her give more power over you and you will feel even worse after. Don't do it.

    Tough it out and let her be. It's her loss.

    Good luck mate.

  4. #4
    steve87
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    Thanks for the advice, I know I shouldn't contact her but this forum is my only source to get some decent help and sometimes you just need a few people to encourage you not to contact!

    I like this girl I'm seeing at the moment and I don't feel I'm going to hurt her, I am 100% committed to what we're doing, I'm not moping about the ex all the time or even ever mentioning her to be honest.

    It's just horrible to hear about mean, insulting things that she's posting on FB and I cant retaliate. She is taking the piss out of personal stuff that she knows will hurt me. It must be killing her that she never gets a reaction out of me (well not a public one at least), do you think?

    Removing my FB acc wouldn't help as I just hear/see it of other people and act like I don't give a crap!

  5. #5
    Snowy
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    Yes exactly. She wants a reaction out of you. Don't give her that.

    Also, insulting you on fb would only make her look bad.

  6. #6
    Flyingpiglet
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    Quote Originally Posted by steve87 [Register to see the link]
    It must be killing her that she never gets a reaction out of me (well not a public one at least), do you think?
    Definitley... This will be getting to her much more than anything else you could say or do!

    It will get easier. In time, one of two things is going to happen.

    a) she'll get bored/fed up of posting stuff and getting no reaction from you.
    b) You'll get to the stage where you realise you're not acting like you don't give a crap... You actually dont give a crap

    In the meantime, Come here to rant/get support/ encouragement as often as you need...
    Focus on your new girl... Who cares about the old one!

  7. #7
    manu85
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    Exactly. What she's doing to you is very immature, and shows she still has issues with the break-up. But you will sooooooooooo regret it if you react to it. Because what's going to happen is she's going to have a good laugh, share it with the guys she's seeing now and will possibly post something on facebook about it. Do you want your friends to have a good laugh about it too? That will set you back even more.

    I know you don't have a perfect option here, but choose the better one, not the worst one. Vent your rage and frustrations here. It's okay to do so, you need it, it's healthy, and do it multiple times a day if you need to. But don't give her the joy of reacting to her frustrated attempts at annoying you. You're very right, she is getting killed inside by you being all calm about it and not reacting. Don't show your frustrations to any of your mutual friends either, only to the people who are 100% yours.

    And remember: in the end, all of this doesn't matter. You'll forget her, she'll forget you. You'll look back on this and have a laugh and be surprised when remembering you were so wound up over these futile nonsense. Get busy, do something fun, hang out with some friends, relax, enjoy your day. Good luck.

  8. #8
    steve87
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    You wouldn't believe she's 32 next month would you? Some of the stuff is so petit it makes me laugh rather then rage. Stupid little comments saying how fit some people are, taking the piss out of how I dressed on holiday, I guess she saw some pics on a friends profile.

    When we first broke up it was me not being able to successfully NC her and I remember the pain and sadness going through me, getting no response put me in the lowest position in my life. I hope it does the same for her but I don't think she is otherwise she'd try to contact. I just wish she was in more pain than she is. She deserves it.

  9. #9
    camus154
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    Good luck but stay strong....remember you've moved on to a wonderful girlfriend and none of this matters.

    Also--tell whoever keeps telling you about her updates to stop. They're not being a good friend/family member by doing so.

  10. #10
    manu85
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    Lol, that's funny, 32.

    I know what you're going through. Hoping she's suffering (lol, we humans are so evil at times ). But do remember that in the end, it doesn't matter, it really does NOT matter. You're only losing energy you could spend on to make your current relationship that much better. And get away from mutual friends, 'cause it seems you're focusing way too much on what they're saying.

    And be assured that she IS having a tough time. The fact that she's putting so much energy into thinking what other detail of your life/behaviour she wants to make a facebookcomment about, is totally pathetic and shows she is still having a tough time too.

    Stay NC. You'll get empowered the most that way and it's the best way to finally put her and your flawed relationship into an objective perspective. Take care.

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