Is an only child okay??

So.... it seems my mental/ emotional affair is over, really over, in my heart and my mind. FINALLY!! The marriage seems to be getting back on track, and now I find myself thinking more and more about the things I used to think about before the whole internet relationship started. My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years, and have a beautiful 2 yo girl. We did fertility treatments for 5 years and spent $40,000 out-of-pocket, before conceiving her naturally. Go figure!! We had actually had a baby boy a year before her that was a result of the treatments that didn't make it (stillborn). Anyway, needless to say, between the financial, emotional, and physical strain of all this has been tough... and real test of our wills! It has led us both to do things that we are not proud of... but it feels like we are finally getting past that. At the end of it all, we are still together, and have a daughter that we love more than life itself!!

So, now, do we add another child to this? We would both LOVE to have another. But, I am petrified of starting the whole process again. Fertility treatments, disappointment, strain (both financial and emotional). I'm 37, and I feel like the choice needs to be made now or never. I was high risk before, when I was under 35, so now would be worse. But I can't help the nagging feeling that I am being selfish by not trying. My daughter deserves a sibling to live her life with. But is it worth it? Would it really hurt her to be an only child? What do you think?

I have a little boy who is 2 and I knew even when I tried to conceive (at almost 41) that he would probably be an only child, as my husband is. I am not. I'm not sure why you believe that children "deserve" a sibling - and I have to ask if you do feel that way why did you risk having an only child, given your fertility situation?

I think there are risks and benefits to all sizes of families. I love having a sibling and my husband was happy to be an only child and turned out fabulous! I know of infinite varieties of stories about the benefits and downsides of only children, two children, five children, etc.

There is a part of me that would love to try for another child but because of complications I had after the pregnancy plus my age (45) it would be foolish of me to risk it particularly because I am a mother! Also consider the strain it will put on your body and mind (emotionally and physically) when it comes to being able to be there for your daughter. While I know your heart is in the right place and you would do 110% and more to continue to be the best mother you possibly can be the practicalities/realities are there. I found it emotionally stressful to go through a high risk pregnancy even though we conceived naturally. And the complications after were so very scary and would require my taking uncomfortable and somewhat painful precautions daily were I to be pregnant again

As far as the "no siblings" I intend to make sure he has plenty of opportunities to be around other children and I will make sure he has all the benefits of being an only child -more attention from us, more experiences he might not get because of financial limitations if we had more children, etc.

I think it would be a lot worse for you to have a sibling for all the wrong reasons than for her to grow up as an only child. Being an only child isn't always a bad thing - I was one, and I can't say I ever felt much lack.

Oh sure, I may have asked for a baby sister a few times - but so did my daughter since I had a son after her!!!

It's ultimately up to you guys to judge the potential benefits vs the physical strain, and the emotional/mental strain on both of you and your marriage. Sit down together and think about if having another child is worth it - and if the strain from the treatments and letdowns and struggle will be a negative influence on your daughter.

I think that it would be more harmful to the child if you were to split than it would be if she were a single child... Can your relationship really take another go around the bend?

Since the first child was conceived naturally (at the end of the day) - why don't you just throw out the birth control and forget about it? If it happens, it will be a happy surprise. If it doesn't happen, that's ok too.

Personally, I don't think you should go through another round of physical, emotional and financial strain. Focus on your family and your marriage. They need love and attention right now. Especially if you are getting over an emotional affair. Have you seen a marriage councillor? Even if there is nothing wrong right now... why not strengthen the bonds? There will be more bumps in the road one day... might as well be prepared.

I would leave things alone. I think one child is fine.

My son is an only child and he hates that. Some people are ok with it. It depends on how the particular child feels about it.