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Thread: How Dumpers react after a break up.

  1. #1
    windmask
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    Lightbulb How Dumpers react after a break up.

    Hey everyone

    so i was the one who got dumped about 9 months ago by my ex gf it ended on a bad note. me and her were best friends though before she broke up. it got heated of course at the end because even though she said she didnt blame she kinda was blaming me for everything i stupidly begged or w.e for her to stay. anyhows it ended tried being a friend even though i didnt want to she humiliated me further in the end i said i cant even be ur friend because u swore at me and humiliated me enough.

    anyhows its been almost 6 months and i havent contacted her and neither has she. i was wondering do dumpers like just forget about the person they left. btw i still miss her even though its been 6 months i know its a lot less now but still miss her each day. so please tell me how does the dumper feel after the break up like do they forget us fast and after 5 to 6 months are we forgotten in there life for good?

    any response would be appreciated i just like to wonder. btw i know shes not coming i know shes very stubborn someone who is never wrong. i wish her all the best but i cant forget all the humiliation i faced by her. just thought id ask how dumpers feel after 5 to 6 months after breaking up.

    thanks

  2. #2
    LaKings55
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    Technically I was the dumper, as I have almost always been, yet I feel like the dumpee. I didn't have an option, and I do still have many fond memories of my exgf. I'm still shocked by how it all ended, but live and learn I guess. Just have to keep moving forward. No matter whether you are dumped or do the dumping, always walk away with your dignity and head held high, no matter how hard it is. Try not to give in to the desperate temptation to beg, plead with, or harass your ex. Let them be and take your time to heal

  3. #3
    windmask
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    hey LaKings

    ur right about walking away theres no point of staying once they decided to leave. i was stuppid though i kinda stayed for like a month thought we could work it out. i feel i tried to plead a little to much and i think i was trying to change her mind but she seemed so sure. in the end i was humiliated really so i left after a month of trying to fix things it was useless. oh well its been 6 months and i didnt contact her. but i thought id ask how dumpers feel still. thank you for ur response though.

  4. #4
    LSgirl
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    ....

    I'm glad somebody wrote this thread as I have just been dumped over a day ago and wondering how he must feel at this time. He's very sociable and not the type to sulk and stay home as I would. I wonder what's going on his mind, he dumped me over text message saying it was over and he had to move on (after I texted arguing with him about something) he said this could not last and that he could not give me what I wanted. I did the whole begging and pleading over voicemails and text that same night he broke up with me, but decided the next day I would go NO Contact since Day 1, today is Day 2. He still hasn't made his relationship to single on Facebook but then agani he doesn't go on it that much. I hope he has the urge to call me and misses me as much as I do.

  5. #5
    gluestick
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    Most dumpers already want out of the relationship long before they get the courage to end the relationship. They feel guilt when they breakup with you, but relief is the most common post BU emotion experienced by the dumper. This feeling lasts a couple of months before the void of not being in a relationship with you actually hits them. I'm sure they remember you just as you still have memories from your childhood, things that have happened many years ago. Especially if love and LTR are involved. But just because they miss you does not mean they want to be with you.

  6. #6
    shikashika
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    I have been on both sides.

    Gluestick is right.. they have been thinking about it for a while... so it's easier for them

    But then every single situation and every person is different. What I felt as a dumper isn't going to be the same as anyone else who shares something here. When I broke up with someone, it was a sense of releif.... there was nothing wrong or horrible about him. There wasn't anyone else, nor did anything bad happen. I just wanted out and we wanted different things. I didn't miss him either, because I had so much going on in my life and things to do that I didn't really think about it. That might sound harsh, but it was the way it was.

    When I've been rejected or broken up with it has taken me ages to get over.... even if he was acting like an ass!!!

  7. #7
    windmask
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    hey gluestick

    thanks for that post i get what ur saying. i guess it would make sense the dumpers would feel relief after leaving you and would be happy for a while too. not sure if they would miss you after a couple of months or not i guess i cant read anyones mind. oh well these dumpers wont learn until they get the same thing done to them. oh well all i know is that i loved her with all my heart i understand i paid the price in the end got humiliated etc cant say it was worth it. now find it hard to believe if there really such thing as love. because i loved her yet she lied about loving me or w.e. people like my ex gf i think give bad name to love and all the other girls lol.

    oh well ill take w.e is thrown my way but not her again. if she truly loved me she would not have swore at me nor humiliated. its pointless fighting for someone who doesnt love you. never give your heart fully to someone people are evil, wish i could go back in time where i use to believe i cant fall in love.

  8. #8
    Destiny2112
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    Unfortunately, can't answer your question, as I have never been the dumper. But I think, gluestick is right. For us, it may seem like a break up out of the blue, but mostly the dumpers have thought about breaking up with us for quite a while already.

    It also depends a lot on the people involved and their character, the situation, the circumstances, etc. For example, if a third person is involved, then it's probably even easier for the dumpers to move on and keep themselves busy and distracted. I'm not saying it's a healthy behaviour, but I guess a couple of dumpers act that way. Simply to avoid dealing with their feelings and starting to second guess their decision. They prefer having a good time with someone new, exciting (honeymoon phase) instead of having to deal with the old relationship, that didn't meet their needs anymore...

    But then again, as you say, we can't read their minds... maybe they are truly happier now it's really that easy for them to move on, maybe they are just acting...

  9. #9
    gluestick
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    Hey windmask,

    I understand that having gone through the circumstances of your breakup, you probably have a really jaded look on love. I think most people who have been through really painful breakups would agree and be more cautious in future relationships. But know that you deserve someone who will put all their effort into loving you and being with you through good and bad times. Cheer up!

  10. #10
    jimbobday
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    I think it completely depends on the circumstances.

    in my case i will probably be leaving the relationship very soon as my girlfriend has become so distant and unlovingso in a way for me it feels like i am the dumpee and in a way just wish she would end it with me

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