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Thread: "I'll Never Find Anyone As Good!"

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    If your ex has left you (especially for another) then every single person you meet from now on is 'better'...

    Ever Forward
    Carus* 8-)

  2. #12
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    I think I have a success story to tell even if this present relationship doesn't last. I too thought I would never be able to love anyone again. I was given all the crap about him wanting a break in early March. It was actually just his cowardly way of getting rid of me. Turns out there WAS another woman on the scene.

    I didn't really go out to meet other men, but I ended up falling in love with somebody I had known for quite some time as a friend. He doesn't have some of the qualities of my ex which had appealed to me at the time I was with my ex. Those qualities don't mean much to me anymore. My current partner is a completely different type of man. One of the things which is weird is that I thought my current partner was attractive when I knew him as a friend, but I sort of disregarded it or at least didn't dwell on it - I was completely faithful to my ex. It's not just me who thinks the current partner is good-looking. Every single person who has either met him or seen photos (including some ENA members) say he is very handsome. Even my grown-up son said "Geez Mum, he's a handsome dude". Of course there are a lot of other things about him besides his looks which have caused me to feel drawn to him. He told me (and other people) that he liked me fa LOT rom the second time he met me - The first time we met he was with his boss and college supervisor undergoing supervision and we hardly spoke or had contact. Other people were remarking to me that he seemd to spend more time than necessary with me, but I thought they were just being silly, and I was so hurt by my ex that I really wasn't looking for anyone.

    My ex says he "wants to be friends with me" and wants us to go out for dinner and coffee. I didn't say much to him, but I've set a date to collect the last of my homeware which is still at his place, and frankly, I don't ever want to see him again. Time has enabled me to see things differently. I used to think my ex was the best person in the world and my best friend, and today, I see all that very differently too. He is far from either of those things.

    Even though it was hard, having the most limited contact with my ex - virtually no contact was the best thing for my recovery. As far as my ex goes, any woman who wants him can have him - because I certainly don't.

  3. #13
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    To be honest, it's suprising to hear that you are so actively searching for a new girlfriend 10 weeks after a 4.5 year relationship. I am 12 weeks out of 2.5 years, and I can honestly say my ex is the most gorgeous girl I have ever senn anywhere ever physically, plus I was madly in love with her personality.

    I also find it hard to believe I will ever meet someone as 'good'. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. But I also know this is surely natural thinking when it's still so raw and I was so incredibly infatuated with her. I need to really reflect on the relationship, understand why she lost sttraction and where I should have done things differently in order to prevent the BU, build my confidence back up, fully heal from the feeling of rejection, grow to be the best I possibly can be ..... then when I'm healed and I'm not comparing new girls to her will I go back out in search of someone I'd want a serious relationship with!

  4. #14
    Silver Member Goodfellas's Avatar
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    Silverbirch - Thank you for the enlightening story. I was given the "we need space" talk in March, we got back together in May and it ended in August. There wasn't anyone else, I'm certain of it, but it was painful to be strung along like that. Lesson learned. I appreciate your honesty and, yes, i would quantify that as a success story so thanks!

    vel2011 - I'm not actively seeking, my friends are trying to snap me out of a funk is all. If anything I'm trying to grow from this vulnerability and pain. I understand completely where you're coming from when you write: I need to really reflect on the relationship, understand why she lost sttraction and where I should have done things differently in order to prevent the BU, build my confidence back up, fully heal from the feeling of rejection, grow to be the best I possibly can be ..... then when I'm healed and I'm not comparing new girls to her will I go back out in search of someone I'd want a serious relationship with! Thank you!

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  6. #15
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    Lol, i thought i couldnt find better with every single gf i had. Each one improved, you'd be surprised at how strong and more selective (and more open to seeing bad traits) you will be when your ready for the next person.

  7. #16
    Silver Member marconi68's Avatar
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    I can relate to what you say about your ex. My first long term girlfriend was perfect for me in every way. Very romantic, sexy, hard working, practical, honest, the list goes on. I can only complain about 1 thing which is she didn't complain! Of course it was our first serious relationship and learned many new things together, so maybe thats why it feels special.
    Now the good news for you. This was over 20 years ago. You stop comparing because each person is different and unique. I was with another girl for a long time who was the sweetest person you would wish to meet. Absolutely smashing lady. Not like the ex, how could she be? She was her own person.
    So maybe it's just time you need under your belt. You may be comparing for a while yet, but there will be time when that will stop naturally.

  8. #17
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    I'm another success story in finding someone better and more fulfilling to me in everything...this includes the way he treats me ...caring sensitive...handsome everything...

    I always say the Universe makes way for a new and more better fit for you...that's why these temporary people are temporary...they may seem the perfect fit at the time and you start to settle for things you never would when you're single...so after you get a bad dose of reality and realise who you are and what is right for you ...you realise what was right was wrong...and what being a careful selective being for the next one...that's why as we age we become pickier...because we know what works and what doesn't...

    As for the exes losing attraction ?! too bad so sad...the next one will enjoy you and they [the exes] can then only have memories of what they had...cause if you're smart you won't settle back with an ex that thought of you in a negative light...

    Incidentally I had been on the road to getting back with my ex before I met my current partner...however when I first met my current partner and only had one date...I decided I would focus on someone new [him] for a change...so I cut my ex completely off without a word plus blocked him on facebook so he would not disturb my peace...8 weeks later the ex contacts me much to my annoyance [peace now broken]...and all I did was inform him that I now have a wonderful new man in my life and we are on the same page...then after he congratulated me I proceeded to tell him to delete my number as I had already a while ago was the best thing I ever did !!! I told him exactly what was going on in my life in terms of my new guy I wanted him to know for the last time that I have no interest to entertain him furthermore...and I meant it !!!

    I turned the tables for the right path for me...I didn't want to give my ex a chance with me afterall there was a stage he thought he was king...well now he is the pauper LOL

    And that's when you are over the ex...I am now still with the guy I had that one date with when I had decided to cut the ex off...it's been over 3 months together now...and I am the happiest I have ever been in years and the best thing ?? I can be myself and don't have to think could I be smothering him or whatever... because the one that wants you *completely* doesn't think like that at all...

  9. #18
    Silver Member marconi68's Avatar
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    I can relate to what you say about your ex. My first long term girlfriend was perfect for me in every way. Very romantic, sexy, hard working, practical, honest, the list goes on. I can only complain about 1 thing which is she didn't complain! It was both our first serious relationship and learned many new things together, so maybe thats why it feels special.

    Now the good news for you. It was over 20 years ago for me. You stop comparing because each person is different and unique. I was with another girl for a long time who was the sweetest lady you would wish to meet. Absolutely smashing. She wasn't like my ex, how could she be? She was her own person.

    So maybe it's just time under your belt you need. Of course you will compare for a while yet but that will stop naturally. It won't feel like it at the moment but it will fade in time.

  10. #19
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    Hmmm....I think a comparison would be interesting and somewhat humerous. As some of you may know, I was shattered when my husband moved out, but I filed for divorce, nonetheless, when I realized he was happier without me (in fact, years later he admitted he was putting up a front so I would get jealous and come after him - which I never did). I never really believed I'd fall in love again, least of all find someone better than my ex, but I have. And he loves me, too.

    Ex: Short and paranoid about it. New Guy: 5'10, not tall, but still would tower over ex.
    Ex: Skinny. New Guy: Normal size.
    Ex: Losing his hair and paranoid about it (I've dated two extremely attractive completely bald men since my divorce - it certainly didn't bother me). New Guy: Not losing his hair, but couldn't care less if he did.
    Ex: Should have been paranoid about his gray teeth. New Guy: Beautiful smile - not perfectly straight, but perfect because it's genuine.
    Ex: Hates his job, but loves the money. New Guy: Internationally known artist who loves his job, makes less than I do, and wouldn't do anything else.
    Ex: Dated a woman he didn't feel anything for for 2 years. New Guy: Took a 2 year break from dating anyone after he ended the last relationship.
    Ex: Emotional zombie. New Guy: Normal human emotions.
    Ex: OK looking. New Guy: OMG, I can't even believe a man that gorgeous is into me.
    Ex: Looks 10 years older than his actual age. New Guy: Looks 15 years younger than his actual age (ex googled him and asked when I started dating younger men - New Guy is three years older than Ex),
    Ex: Looks at me with longing and says nothing, but makes jokes about everything - nothing is off limits. New Guy: Looks at me with longing, says beautiful things to me, tells me his dreams.
    Ex: Made me cry all the time. New Guy: Made me cry once...when he told me how amazing I am. That's when he was hooked....his mother cried when his father kissed her for the first time, an event he drew in one of his published books.
    Ex: Has one close friend. New Guy: Has hundreds of friends, thousands of fans, and me.
    Ex: Never wanted a photograph of me, not even at our wedding or when our children were born - he had more photos of a woman he dated for 8 months prior to our meeting than in our more than 25 years together. New Guy: Draws pictures of me.
    Ex: Says "I want you to be happy", but made sure I wasn't. New Guy: Asks what will make me happy, then takes the steps necessary to make it so.
    Ex: Threw the beauty of the woman of a thousand pictures up in my face and made sure I felt ugly in comparison then tried to get back with her (turns out she'll soon be married for the fourth time, so he was too late). New Guy: Said my ex was a fool to ever risk losing me and that he'd never find another woman half as good as me - there aren't any.
    Ex: Says he believes he'll fall in love again. New Guy: Says he is in love and when I said I wouldn't get married again replied with "we'll see. Never say never." (He's never been married.)
    Ex: Says he doesn't like the new guy being FB friends with our 18 year old daughter. New Guy: Drew a special ink drawing for her FB page...daughter won't take friend requests from parents, but artist her friends know and love is very, very cool.
    Ex: Insults me when he's angry. New Guy: Says "shut up" when I tell him he's apologized enough for something he did because he's not done.
    Ex: Couldn't cook or clean. New Guy: Cooks like a top chef.
    Ex: Steps over the homeless. New Guy: Cried with me when I said I needed to take a blanket to my "neighbor without a roof" because I wouldn't be able to sleep knowing he was cold on the sidewalk.

    So, yeah, it's entirely possible to find new and improved love, even in after 40.

  11. #20
    Silver Member Goodfellas's Avatar
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    With all due respect, AutumnBorn, your ex doesn't sound like much of a catch. Seems a little too neurotic and unstable. However, I do appreciate your honesty and want to congratulate you on finding a winner!

    I'm still in the phase of this threads title with my ex. I just feel she was the whole package and wonder if I over achieved when I landed and kept her for 4.5 years.

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