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Thread: My Story and what I have learnt

  1. #31
    Silver Member The Man Who's Avatar
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    Yeah, it's never good being "that guy", just put it down to a learning curve for you man

    Sounds like a nice relaxing weekend for yourself - I'm heading out to a Beatles tribute band on Friday night with friends, so I'll no doubt be alcohol fueled! Going to get a few more ladies numbers' and see what happens then.

    That was good of him! Glad you didn't over-analyse or anything like that, you took it for face value, well done

  2. #32
    Originally Posted by NCMaster
    If you love somebody "that" much, why would you leave that person.
    You are exactly right. It just doesn't make sense to do that to someone if that is how you truly feel.

  3. #33
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    As I read the OP I was amazed how clearly he understood things aren't going to be different in the short run.
    That's something I was sure of from the first moment when my ex broke with me.

    If there is a second chance it's going to be after a long, long time ... years. And then it won't be a second chance longer. It'll be 2 new people meeting again.
    The problem is that even if we understand that. It's hard to move on & not think about what will happen down the line. There are so many things that could happen (she meeting someone new which is very likely, me meeting anyone new, never meeting again, "forgetting" each other, ...you name it)

    OP said that he had already donde this thing of maintaning NC for some years and meeting again. I don't know if he did with this other girl he started talking again.
    I hope he shows up and can answer about that specifically: How did he approach someone after so many years, and "were all of them willing to give it a go?"

  4. #34
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    I am curious to here where the OP is at right now with his life too. Hope he posts up here. That letter from his EX made my gut turn, can only imagine the impact it had on him at the time.

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  6. #35
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    Good evening guys/girls,

    This might be a bit of a long post, and I hope the story inspire some of you at least a little that are down in the dumps suffering.

    Firstly I appreciate the responses since my absence from this forum.
    I learnt a great deal here while I was going through the sharpest pain I have ever gone through with any girl.
    So I maintained NC and I have moved on as much as I could day by day.

    As all of you probably read, I had/still have great relations with her family. I realized last year September/October that I needed a break from them too. I can honestly say it makes quite a big difference having no associations, re-"connecting" the paths in your brain to think differently about things and create new experiences away from the other person.

    I went out partying living the single life as long as my cash reserves could keep me and slowly got back like a teenager growing up all over again. I am not going to go into all the details, but I kept myself clear from random hookups and ex ex's who were believe it or not contacting me one after the other end last year. I did go all out and flirted with every beautiful girl etc, but that was probably looking back just because of my bruised ego.

    End October I decided that I want to leave my country in 2012 and explore/work in Europe for all its worth. I truly felt at this point that I was being quite pro-active at moving forward. I met with my manager, asked him about the possibilities and he was extremely supportive as he knows my way of thinking. I told him that I would consider moving after July.

    The way things have it, I get assigned to a project that involved a bit of interaction with the offices of my preference in Europe. I specifically had to deal with one girl on a daily basis for about 2 weeks. Around the first of November, I received a facebook message from this girl saying that she loved my travel pictures. I added her, and we started chatting. Now at this point it was just a lot of fun chatting with a generally unknown person with no expectations/ideas. Just all round great conversation.
    Our conversations evolved from politics to travels to wining and dining and wow I just clicked that this is the first time since my ex that I felt quite mentally connected with someone. Now because she is a colleague, I wasn't about to ruin my career by being too forward with this girl, her reporting me and boom, my career is over. So I stuck with our great chats. Over November she traveled the middle east and we would keep in touch about all the travels. Same story December, but I started noticing our conversations becoming more of a daily occurrence. She texted me for new years saying she hope my wishes would come true. I replied that my wishes were to travel more and perhaps she could accompany me.

    6 Days later, and we decided to meet in June for a short holiday while I am touring Europe/investigating some places to stay. I booked my tickets, and from there our conversation just picked up.2nd Week in January, and we were video calling each other every night, still do most nights. She will fly to my country for a visit hopefully soon, after which we will meet in June. In July/August I will attempt my transfer to her country (whats the chances that this is the place I wanted to go to before meeting her). In any case, I guess the point Im making is, it was quite a strange way to meet for me, but if I didnt keep to NC and worked on myself, I would not have been open to such a strange possibility. This girl is stunningly beautiful, smart, older and sorted out way beyond my ex currently is.So a great prospect to look forward to, with no real expectations from myself at this point but to be open to new experiences and have a good time.

    As I started moving on, my ex's family invited me for supper with only them (without my ex) just to catch up and see how I was doing. We had a blast, had some drinks till 3am and just a great time. Didnt really bring the ex up and to be honest I didnt want to either. Shortly after that I started receiving messages from her mom during some casual catch ups, that my ex was still with this "other" guy, but that he has blown his fuse several times with her, and that he is having a real tough time because he is compared to me all the time. Unfortunately for him her family has not at all been very welcome to him, and he probably doesnt deserve it either for the way he interfered.

    Her mom even went as far as telling me that my ex said she wished she had met me only now and that with this new guy it feels safe because she knows she can leave him any day. Total immaturity and growing up needed there. But then again I knew this from the beginning but I felt a bit better that I had some confirmation that perhaps I could not have done anything to save the old relationship. I did what I could and that was to focus on myself.

    My ex texted me on my birthday a couple of days ago, which was basically the first contact since 27 September. I replied to it, but not overly friendly or elaborate. A few days later and I see comments on old photos of us with our dog, that my dog misses me...So long after the fact...Got me a little bit angry.

    So in summary here, I am today, I dont mind it if her stories reach me or not, I dont make contact with her. From what I hear she misses me, but she chose it and I feel I have something waaay more exciting to look forward to.

    Hope you are all well as can be

  7. #36
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    More than 1 year later with contact partially re-established on her side, She is still with that guy, Im still with my new girlfriend but interestingly enough, I left the country a few weeks ago and she was there to greet me.

    Later I received a message she hopes I come back soon as one day she hopes we can reconcile, marry and have kids. She went as far as apologising for everything and she said that she knows she made the biggest mistake of her life. She knows she has to leave her current guy and be single for a while to give us a chance in the future.

    Jaw open moment.

    My only problem is that I'm struggling to take any form of relationship seriously after what happened. And I can see that in my relationship with my current girlfriend, I do not give her the attention she deserves.

    A bit of a messy all round situation.

    Some how contact has made things a bit worse, maybe time to go back to nc....

  8. #37
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    When Iím reading all these Ďoldí stories from now 6 years back with this thread, Iím really wondering what the people are doing, how everything developed.

    Most of us canít see the future, which is hard, because weíre coping with the actual present.

    But at the end everything passes, itís just hard to see it now.

    Either you find a way back to each other because you were meant to be or youíre in a far better place you couldnít have possibly imagined.

    So OP I hope youíre happier than you were ever before!

    Cheers!

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