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Thread: My Story and what I have learnt

  1. #11
    Platinum Member endy's Avatar
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    Yup that's the right link. You're on the right path and it takes awhile to forgive. But with understanding, comes compassion. That's going to allow you to not be angry and forgive her in time. Good luck with everything. By the way, I would read that website first. It's going to go along with a lot you are about to read anyways.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by endy
    Yup that's the right link. You're on the right path and it takes awhile to forgive. But with understanding, comes compassion. That's going to allow you to not be angry and forgive her in time. Good luck with everything. By the way, I would read that website first. It's going to go along with a lot you are about to read anyways.
    Thanks! The books will only arrive in two weeks, gives me some time to make progress on the site.

    I like the way the the books can follow on each other and lead you through the process as well.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by endy
    Yup that's the right link. You're on the right path and it takes awhile to forgive. But with understanding, comes compassion. That's going to allow you to not be angry and forgive her in time. Good luck with everything. By the way, I would read that website first. It's going to go along with a lot you are about to read anyways.
    Thanks! The books will only arrive in two weeks, gives me some time to make progress on the site.

    I like the way the the books can follow on each other and lead you through the process as well.

  4. #14
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    great attitude NCmaster, and heartening to see you embrace the more spiritual side of life...im not religious but do believe in a loving creator, and whilst i go through pain, once i step back and look at it from a point of growth and love, it does help to learn and forgive and keep some positivity about things, even when the hurt is so much and damaging to me. i trust in time i will grow and heal, as i do everyone on this forum

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  6. #15
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    Sooo...

    Funny as I looked back at the email I sent her that initiated NC.
    She replied to me today. Almost couldnt believe it when I saw her name in my inbox.

    Here it is:

    Hi []

    I havent been able to bring myself to read this until now. It absoloutley devastates me to know that I had to put you through this and do this to you. I know you are probably almost over the pain or are over it, but I just want you to know that everyday I think of you, everyday try to block you from my mind because the pain is too unbearable to face. Still to this day, I cant hear your name and get angry when I do, because the pain is there all over again.

    I just want you to know that I hope you are happy, enjoying and experiencing life to the fullest. If you are with someone I hope they are treating you well, as you deserve only the very best, nothing less and I mean that.

    You were not only my partner, my first love but also my best friend and miss that soo incredibly much but I know I cant have that with you now or anymore in fact because of you. Im truley sorry for what Iv done as its not in my nature to do this to you or anyone in fact.

    I miss you and your family very much, I think of them everyday, even [mom's dog], hehe.

    Even though your words, hurt me incredibly that day, I understood completley. Yes, we have been on crappy terms since the break up but I dont think there is any other way to cope with breaking up after a 4 year relationship. Its not possible to chat and be friends immediatley, we have to give it time. Hopefully one day, if its possible to rekindle our friendship, as you mean so much to me Id never want to let you go from my life. but I would understood If I would have to as It would be your choice but I HOPE that we will be able to pick-up our friendship where we left off.

    We had a great relationship togeher. Every moment spent together was a treasure.I was truley lucky to be blessed to have met, spent time and been loved by you. As my mom and I agree, you have made a HUDGE impact on my life and the next one that comes along has big shoes to fill. My mom always says, there will never be another man who she will love and like as much as you as a future son-in-law and I dont blame her. I dont think I will find anyone you would treat me as well and love me as much as you did. You were perfect in all aspects, a man any girl would be so lucky to be loved by and spend the rest of their life with.

    Yes the 27th of September is an extremley special day and will always will be. I cried so much this year on that day as it brough all our great memories back. I will always go out and have a drinnk and salute to the great relationship we had.

    I will get my ass overseas, I plan on travelling alot, get my degree and go overseas ASAP. I want you to do the same, travel, I know how much you love travelling, experiencing different cultures, seeing different side and the beauty to the world.

    I know [our puppy i found on the street] misses you, I love that dog soo much and am sadened everytime I look in her eyes and know what Iv taken away from her, her real daddy. I truley feel like a single parent in that sense, haha ridiculous I know.

    I just want you to know, that I miss you SO SO MUCH and I love you so immensly, its unimaginable to comprehend the love, appreciation and respect I have for you. Im also so proud of you as to what you have achieved so early on in life, you will truley go on to do great things and be very successful in life. As much as I want to sometimes, I will never forget you. You have made to big of an impact on my life. I just want you know, that I think of you everyday, I miss you and hope that you are doing well.

    Please send my love to your family, hopefully one day I can come visit them. I love you sweety, please look after yourself and stay well. Feel free to drop an email sometime and let me know how you are doing. Would really love that.

    Ciao sweetheart
    Till we meet again.
    xxx

    What do i see this as?
    Closure, and a reason to lose some of the resentment faster. Somehow, I also feel in my heart that this is unfinished business for later in life. Only time and space and a lot of growth will re-route our paths perhaps.

  7. #16
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    Any of the experienced NC'ers, does this email change the way i should feel. Am I friend zoned for life?

  8. #17
    Platinum Member endy's Avatar
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    You aren't friend zoned for life, but it doesn't mean anything either. She needs to live with what she did. Actions speak a hell of a lot louder than words. Just keep on keepin on man. Don't respond to it either.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by endy
    You aren't friend zoned for life, but it doesn't mean anything either. She needs to live with what she did. Actions speak a hell of a lot louder than words. Just keep on keepin on man. Don't respond to it either.
    Its funny how an email like that just throws you a few steps back. I absolutely plan on sticking to no contact 100%. If you love somebody "that" much, why would you leave that person.

    Like you said, its the actions that lead the way. These words although nice that it validates some things from the past it feels a little disconnected from her actions.

    Keeping strong and moving forward...bleh.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member endy's Avatar
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    Yup exactly, you have the right idea. Someone can say whatever they want. In all honestly we are all masters at manipulation. Especially women. I bet most of them don't even know they are doing it. What she was doing is speaking out of emotion and not feeling.

    But you have the exact right approach. If you love someone that much then you would be with them. People make mistakes. If she loved you that much and made a mistake she would say so clearly and loudly. There's a chance down the road that it could work out. But leave that up to yourself. You make that choice, and you make it when you know it's the right thing for your growth and development. You know that there's things both of you need to learn to make the relationship thrive again.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by endy
    Yup exactly, you have the right idea. Someone can say whatever they want. In all honestly we are all masters at manipulation. Especially women. I bet most of them don't even know they are doing it. What she was doing is speaking out of emotion and not feeling.

    But you have the exact right approach. If you love someone that much then you would be with them. People make mistakes. If she loved you that much and made a mistake she would say so clearly and loudly. There's a chance down the road that it could work out. But leave that up to yourself. You make that choice, and you make it when you know it's the right thing for your growth and development. You know that there's things both of you need to learn to make the relationship thrive again.
    Yes, if she had to come back to me right now, I know it would NOT help. What helped me with accepting is that I know I cant fix it. I can only fix myself. No short term action can fix us. It would be stupid to think that it would.

    I'm just glad I got a positive closure even though its been hurting the whole day. SO many people on this forum never hear from their exes again after BU. A lot of girls older than 20 wont bother with recognizing the positives of what was.
    I'm grateful for that little bit.

    now to get busy living.

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