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Thread: I cant let go, my husband doesnt love me.... I dont want divorce. what to do????

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2008

    I cant let go, my husband doesnt love me.... I dont want divorce. what to do????

    Since we got married, my husband and I have lived a hell. We had many tough life circumstances that affected our relationship. The point her is that even when there was a lot of love at the beginning, the relationship wore out. and the love, from his part ended. He blames me for everthing... He says is not about waht happens, its how you react to it.... He says he is never gonna change, and I should either accept it or walk away. Yesterday, he just told me how much he hates me, he doesnt love me anymore, he donest want me... He hurted me a lot! We are already separated, thousands of miles away, I have the kids. We were keeping things friendly, talking almost everything, trying to work things out... but he yesterday told me that he doesnt feel it, he doesnt want that, he doestn love me, he actually hates me, and is so tired of me and all the bs. I still, cant accept its over, i know it but i love him, i dont want it to be over, we 2 babies together, i dont want it to be over, im agains divorce, to me htat is not an option, but he wants to divorce me even before marriage.... The point here is, what the hell am i doning>??? I cant be happy, and obviously he isnt happy... He was trying to be "nice" by talking to me, all he did was to keep in touch, and see where things go... but no commitment, no promises... I made the mistake of asking him for more, more than what he can/wants to give me... he wont share his personal life/details with when I asked him and he refused to tell me, I got so frustraded, sad and mad. So we started fighting over the internet... it was long fight of going and coming emails and chats, until at the end he ended up hating me, saying the most hurtful things to me.... Its so horrible, I'm in such a shock that I cant even cry, i refuse to go trough this again, i dont want to suffer anymore, i dont want my kids to be fatherless, i dont want to be divorced.... I dont, im willing to do anything to save my marriage, but what can I do, when he doesnt want anything, when he says he hates me???!?!!!! I just got to hurt yesteday, and t the same time I kind of realize for the first time, that the more I "push" him to be with me, the more unhappy we both will be.... its so sad, but is the truth, he doesnt fulfill my needs because he donest love me anymore,a nd I want everything, I want full pure love.... he doenst even like me! he hates me! so he cant give me all what i need... He really hates me, he is so sick of me... He wishes i dissapeared.... To hear all this breaks my heart.......
    I just dont wanna give up, but what can I do, there is nothing I can do.....So i just realized that even if he agrees one more time to try to reconcile, he again will be frustraded, unhappy, not loving and dissapointing to me...I will be wanting more and more things tha the cant have me!!!
    The problem here is I cant give the step of letting him go, deep down in side, i have hope, i still wan to try, i never give up.... but I also suffer alot while in the process, im very doubtful of him... I know this is not how healthy good relationships are... I'm devastated, I cant breath... Im so sad, and surprised, I think some part of me is finally realizing, but at the same time, I cant accept it, Ijust wont give up, Im so afraid in many ways...

    Hoiw can i get the courage to do something id ont want to, im against to and i dont believe in (divorce)????? That is not a choice for me, but i ask myself, why do i wanna make a men that doesnt love me, be there fro me... I think its crazy and doesnt make sense, but is really difficult to achieve...

    Help me, please help me, I'm confused, i dont want my kids to grow withouyt their parents.... but he donest want to be with me, he doesnt stand me... he hates me, insults me, does anything mean to try to make me go away... I feel so sad and devastated....

    I'm afraid to accept is over, i dont have the enery, i dont want to suffer, i cant do it... i rather die! please help me!!! i dont want to go trhough one more big dissapointment.... I want to be happy, i need my husband, help me please....

  2. #2
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Your kids won't be fatherless. If he is a good father now he will continue to be a good father. You can't make someone love you and you can't force someone to be with you.

    Begging and pleading with him will only push him away further. Those are some hurtful things to say and there has got to be one damn good reason for it. He seems to want out fast and with the words he is saying, seems like he wants you to hate him for saying those things.

    How long have you two been together? Then how long were you together before you got married? How long has the marriage lasted till now? How long have you been apart? What kind of distance is this?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    You need to stop being a hopeless idealist. It's not helping.
    Be realistic - it's over. All the hoping and dreaming won't fix what's already set.

    You need to work on accepting reality. Stop censoring the inevitable.
    The marriage is over. Begging and Pleading will only make it worse for no one but you. Sounds harsh and for that I apologize but my goal here is to really help people like you who love too much for lost causes.
    Place all of this love into yourself and grab some self respect and dignity and let it go. Do it for the sake of your children. Most of all yourself.

    Who knows if he sees that you aren't being this begging person, someone with a backbone he might come back to you. Who knows! But pleading and refusing to accept the end is Not HEALTHY!

    Good luck!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    And don't ever say you will die for someone or that you'd rather die. Youve officially reached rock bottom. You need to get your life back. Straighten out your priorities. He doesn't make you live, You make YOURSELF live. All that needs to be done is some cold hard realization of this. Why would you want to be with someone that makes you feel THIS LOW? Yes right now you seem extremely low. It's very off putting. Grab that life back. you can do it. Forget this guy he's obviously not worth it!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2011

    I think we are on the same page.

    My husband and I always fight about small things.We can't get along well anymore.He also said that he doesn't like me ,he doesn't have special feelings for me ,that he's gonna be very happy when I'm gone.I think he hates me but he never said that .In fact I was the one who said that I hate him for making me sad,upset,frustrate ,making my life miserable.! But I never once plead him to make me love me or to change his mind or change his attitude.I once left when we had that big fight which was only an overnight staying with my close girlfriend then the day after I decided to go back .So,he accepted it for the sake of our daughter.I'm not a martyr woman yet I also want to work out on our marriage but seems he's just not so into it.We had a great sex after our big fight and told me he still love me but days after days we are still arguing on the same thing .And i told him that we just have to stick on our agreement to get a divorce when the time is right and when we are both set up.Stop pleading your husbands love .We just got to accept the reality that these man that we thought who's the love of our life aren't really for us. Funny it seems I'm already moving forward for my future coz I already know that we wont gonna be forever in this relationship.We dont like each other as a person.And to be quite honest even before our marriage I dont envision my entire life with him.It's sad but we just have to accept the reality.Let's just focus on our future to live happily .I focus my future to live happily with someone who loves me as me ,accept me as me and someone who's willing to make me happy .I think it's so easy to say this but nothing we can do if our husband doesn't love us anymore.We just got to take care of ourselves and try to make them works for me coz my husband got jealous when I started telling him about guys approaching me.It doesn't mean that we have to be flirty we just got to show up our sex appeal try to exercise, get trim and use a little make up .That will boost your confident and make your husband get attracted to you again.My husband just told me yesterday that I look very attractive.Don't show to your husband that you are scared of losing him show to him that you are a woman with confident and has the love of yourself and that would make him realize how much he've lost if he will let you go.I hope this insights can help you

  6. #6
    Silver Member Notagoodninja's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Amber81 trust me I want to sail off a cliff every few days too lol...
    He prob abuses you that's why you feel that way. I knew my husband was a sociopath and without even telling my counselor/therapist that I told her everything and she said "you are married to a sociopath and if you contact him again, HE WILL KILL YOU" and she said on a scale of 1-10 my DH (well ex as of today) is a 10 and he might try to kill me on some drunken night when he's depressed,
    One good thing she said is that if he "moves on" I need to look at it as he's moving on to a VICTIM, not a "girlfriend"
    SO if your man hates you and leaves you, don't get jealous if he "moves on" you need to realize he abuses you like I am abused and I was a victim YOU are a victim.
    Look at it this way if your husband is a sociopath cuz he sure sounds like my husband, there is something mentally wrong with them in their heads- they CANNOT change...its proven I keep telling myself what If I felt in love with a serial killer...........(a lot of psychopaths) would I get jealous if he went out and found a new victim to rape and murder?

  7. 11-19-2011, 06:52 PM

  8. 10-26-2012, 02:58 AM

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