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Thread: Why do people tell you about their personal problems too soon - desperate?

  1. #1
    Reflective
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    Why do people tell you about their personal problems too soon - desperate?

    I dont get it. This happens all the time, someone I work with will just mouth of to me about their issues. And I go 'whoa thats a bit personal sure you should be telling me all of this.?"

    A good example of this which put me off entirely is that guy I have writing about. For some reason he thinks it's appropriate to tell me about his trust issues. I go, "you sure dont have trust issues if you can tell me about your personal life.." he goes on to tell me how his ex hurt him blah blah blah, and me being a major information collector just sit there and bask in this guys stupidity and people like him. Why on earth would you go and tell someone whom realistically has not been a friendship or any relationship for that matter established? he may have a crush on me but that doesn't mean I like him, in fact he turns me off and is annoying. So why tell me all of your personal problems? What am i supposed to do with them?

    And a few other people do this with me too, they tell me about their boyfriend/girlfriend problems, about their health issues etc, about their family issues, and trust me we are not even acquaintances. I dont get it. Are these types of people desperate? because you know if they need someone to speak to I know psychotherapists. I wouldn't mind referring them to one.

    I find it really annoying and inappropriate and a little pitiful that these people clearly have no boundaries? Has this ever happened to any of you? For some reason I must haver this air about me that makes people wanna tell me about their personal problems. Any ideas to why these people do this?

  2. #2
    TulipWriter
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    [QUOTE=Reflective;4995640] because you know if they need someone to speak to I know psychotherapists. I wouldn't mind referring them to one.QUOTE]

    Start doing this. As for why people are flocking to you with their problems, let me ask: Are you a loner at your work? Maybe they see you sitting alone quietly, and they figure you are open to someone striking up a conversation, and/or are willing to give some advice for something.

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    ut804
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    Well, sometimes if I have a boyfriend issue I feel the need to get advice from many different people. I need to vent and I would like other people's opinions. If something major has happened in my life it can be hard not to talk about it. And sometimes I have spilled out too much to coworkers. But it feels good to talk about something thats bothering you. Keeping everything bottled up makes you go crazy. Also, maybe you are a good advice giver. Sometimes I feel like I can't talk to my friends because they don't really care or give good advice. And it;s good to get an unbiased opinion. This is why I like this forum; because when people don't personally know you, the advice is more honest and unbiased.
    As for therapy, not everyone can afford therapy, and not everyone has the time for therapy. Plus, there's a stigma attached to it.

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    Reflective
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    [QUOTE=Autumnrose;4995666]
    Quote Originally Posted by Reflective [Register to see the link]
    because you know if they need someone to speak to I know psychotherapists. I wouldn't mind referring them to one.QUOTE]

    Start doing this. As for why people are flocking to you with their problems, let me ask: Are you a loner at your work? Maybe they see you sitting alone quietly, and they figure you are open to someone striking up a conversation, and/or are willing to give some advice for something.
    No, i am quite social, but I prefer to be alone at times just because I prefer it.

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    HeartGoesOn
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    Probably for the same reason some people post their personal business on Facebook, they don't think ahead of the consequences.

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    Jetta
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    You're an empathetic type person, they attract this behavior. My mom gets life stories from strangers often. We'll be in an elevator and people will just open up to her, this stuff doesn't happen to me but she just goes along with it and gives advice if she has some to give. People are wounded and need an ear, you may even learn something from their problem.

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    BellaDonna
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    Try to stop them before they can get too far into the story or provide too many details. I tend to say generic things like "oh that's too bad" "oh no, you poor thing" and then give cues I am not interested in listening more. (i.e. seem distracted, look away) If it is at work you can say, "oh I have so much to do today" .


    When people who have a tendency to do that to me at work approach me, I have some default activities I resort to: Grab a file and seem engrossed in it, check my voicemail. I try to prevent them from even starting.

    Don't give advice because if it is good advice they just keep coming back with more problems they want you to solve.

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    DylanNotorious
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    It's called bonding.

    You don't seem to like people bonding to you. People telling you things creates a bond. I've contributed heaps in your threads and you seem to look at things a bit different. Do you think you have aspergers? (Asperger syndrome or Asperger's syndrome is an autism spectrum disorder that is characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction)

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    Mesemene
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    Some people seem to attract OPP - other people's problems.

    Usually they've come accross as very calm and almost distant, and good listeners. Unfortunately, it can easily become like what people say about your bartender or hairdresser - you hear EVERYTHING, including stuff you REALLY and sincerely don't want to know.

    If it's mostly at work, either set very firm boundaries "I can appreciate this is an issue for you, but I honestly don't know you well enough to want to be involved in your personal life, and this isn't comfortable for me," or take measures like making sure you're not in areas alone that invite people to start blathering. Things like taking lunch at an off-time, putting you alone in the break room, for example, give people that perfect chance to corner you, even when you were looking forward to a quiet break.

    I know I started going on walks on my lunch, because invariably, if I took lunch at my desk (my preference, since a sandwich and quiet read were perfect to de-stress) I'd have a chair pulled up before I even cracked the book with someone wanting to chat.

  10. #10
    Reflective
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    Quote Originally Posted by DylanNotorious [Register to see the link]
    It's called bonding.

    You don't seem to like people bonding to you. People telling you things creates a bond. I've contributed heaps in your threads and you seem to look at things a bit different. Do you think you have aspergers? (Asperger syndrome or Asperger's syndrome is an autism spectrum disorder that is characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction)
    I dont have difficulties socializing. I can bond with people, I just reuse to let annoying stage five clingers that don't know boundaries bond with me.

    If I feel instinctively that youre trouble than I want nothing to do with you.
    I prefer to build friendships first. If that cant be done that you are absolutely meaningless to me

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