How do you "break up" with someone you've been dating unofficially?

[greenstar]

We've been going out for almost a month now. He's reallly good to me, treats me like a princess, but I am not that particularly attracted to him. A month ago, I was burned pretty badly by this one guy I had been seeing for three months.... I don't know if I should continue dating the new guy and hope that my attraction will grow or should I just break up with him? If so, how would I go about doing that without hurting him too badly or burning any bridges? Also, the new guy and I only messed around for a bit...we did not have sex or anything near that.

[RitaTrue]

If you've been dating unofficially, then you can "break up" unofficially. Just fade off into the distance, and dont look back. It needs no explanation. Especially if he burned you like that.

Onward and upward.

[jaysmaury]

I agree with Rita... Just slowly scale back the amount of contact you have with him until he doesn't even notice anymore. Of course, this depends on how far it went when you say "only messed around for a bit."

[greenstar]

well we only made out and got a little touchy feely, that's all. This guy has never burned me. The last guy that I dated briefly for three months did.

[RitaTrue]

OP, something just dawned on me, when you're unofficially dating someone, how much do you expect exclusivity? On your end, on their end?

[jaimecat]

I say continue dating him, maybe see him less, but pursue others on the side. If you really are unofficial you should have no problems doing that but be honest if he asks you about seeing other men. I say this because I dont feel a month is a long time. You shouldnt give up yet- he could grow on you.

I feel its a double standard in our society. Often I see men posting similar threads on here, except adding "I am interested in someone else possibly" and people respond by saying date both unofficially. Why cant a woman do the same thing? Dont put all your eggs in one basket.

[Ms Darcy]

just be honest and tell him when he calls to ask you out again that you don't know, you just aren't feeling it even though he's a great guy and good luck.

I agree. I think the fade isn't nice.

[ut804]

I agree with Rita... Just slowly scale back the amount of contact you have with him until he doesn't even notice anymore. Of course, this depends on how far it went when you say "only messed around for a bit."

no no I don't like this. If he truly likes her he IS going to notice, and he's going to analyze everything and wait for her calls, etc. ALWAYS make a clean break. Don't play mind games. Don't drag anything out. I hate the "fade out" method. Its not fair to keep the other person guessing and wondering. Be honest and say "hey I think you're great but I dont think we click" or soemthing.