"He who cares least, controls the relationship"

This thread is essential for guys who are praying for reconcilation. I'm going through the same misery as you. During my break-up time, I've spent hours and hours of self study and trying to know what to do in this tough situation. In this thread, I'm giving a small summary of what I've learned so far, and thread is mostly based on female psychology.

Female Attraction

• Women are attracted to the way a man behaves, much more than physical "looks", money or fame. Ofcourse those things will help, but behaving in an attractive, masculine manner will be more than necessary.
   
  
• Insecurity and acting "needy" repel women like nothing else. These behaviors are interpreted as weak and turn women off, sexually.
   
  
• Act dominant and attractive. Be the leader. Women do not want the "power" in a relationship. They are attracted to men who take charge and know how to lead them. This does not mean to start being controlling, it means to start leading more and being more dominant and less submissive.
   
  
• He who cares least, controls the relationship. Whoever has the most feeling and emotion invested in the relationship will subconsciously communicate that and thus push their partner away. Typically men who care too much will begin to act needy and insecure.
   
  
• Picture the man you were when you first started dating your girlfriend. Now, picture the man you became. Did the "male/female" polarity shift and you started to act more and more submissive, while your girlfriend assuming a dominant role?
  

No Contact

• Do not initiate contact with your ex girlfriend. Wait until she initiates contact with you first!
   
  
• "No Contact" will instill a fear of loss within her and keeps you from acting needy and insecure. It also gives you the time to heal from the break-up and to let her go. This is extremely important. You can't get her back, unless you let her go!
   
  
• Some women keep their ex boyfriends around as "friends" to help themselves heal. While the ex boyfriend is around giving his ex girlfriend emotional support, who is there to support the boyfriend? When initiating No Contact, she is forced to heal on her own.
   
  
• If she contacts you, make it appear as though you have already moved on with your life. Appear as though you are perfecty fine with the breakup. I recommend telling her that. This supports the fear of loss within her. Generally act cheerful and happy when she contacts you. No acting depressed or angry, period.
   
  
• Women experience massive loneliness after three to four weeks of No Contact. She will be at her most vulnerable at this point. If you decide to contact her at this point (although i recommend not to), she will be much more receptive.
  

The "Push/Pull Theory"

• A "pull" is when you demonstrate interest and show affection. A "push" as the opposite; it is when you demonstrate disinterest and lack of affection.
   
  
• We pursue that which retreats from us.If you pull too much, your ex girlfriend will retreat from you and generally have her guard up. Be carefull, you can also push too much. You often hear women refer to this as "mixed signals". They'll say things like "he was sending mixed signals and it just made me want him more."
   
  
• Try to find the right balance between pushing and pulling. Show a little interest, then show a little disinterest. Rinse and repeat.
  

Letting Go

• Accept things are over and begin the process of moving on. You can't get something back, unless you let it go. This is very counter intuitive indeed. Remember: a needy and insecure guy repels women like no other.
   
  
• Delete any memory and mode of contact you have with her. Delete her number from your phone, delete her from Windows Live Messenger, AIM, Skype or whatever instant messaging system you use. Delete all of her e-mails (and stop reading them too). The only exception to this rule is for Facebook or MySpace. If you don't have an account (or she doesn't), then don't worry. If you do, leave her on your list but do not, under any circumstances, view her profile. This will only slow your healing process, and thus your chances of reconcilation with your ex girlfriend.
   
  
• Concentrate only on the negative aspects of your ex girlfriend.
   
  
• Visualize yourself with other women. Do not fantasize about your ex girlfriend, especially not in a sexual way. Try fantasizing about an even more beautiful woman. Realize you are only fantasizing about your ex just to help comfort and ease the pain for yourself. It will only have the opposite effect.
  

Creating A "Fear of Loss" Within Your Ex

• Start dating other women. This will help building your confidence. Remember that women like confident men. Also, dating other women will probably make your ex girlfriend jealous.
   
  
• Flirt with other women on social networking sites such as Facebook and MySpace. She'll see that you're not dwelling on her and gives her the impression that you have moved on with your life.
   
  
• Take pictures of yourself with other women and post them online.
   
  
• Generally, appear as though you have moved on with your life and you no longer need your girlfriend.
  

Meeting Up With Your Ex

• Have a plan of action. Be the guy in command. Know where you're going, demonstrate leadership, lead the way.
   
  
• Conversation, convenient, cheap. Remember these three C's when you meet up with your ex:
   
  When you meet up, you want to be in a place that's naturally conductive of conversation. So that means the movies are out. Besides, you don't want the "meet up" to smell like a date, and the movies definitely reek of "date".
   
  It must be convenient for the both of you. Especially for you. You don't want to demonstrate that you're going out of your way just to accommodate her. That's a pretty big "pull" and one you want to avoid at all costs.
   
  You don't want it costing loads of money. This will put pressure on you to pay (especially if that's what you're used to doing) and that is again another big "pull". Paying is a huge sign that says "I want to date you". Even if that's what you really want, you can't convey it until she herself brings it up.
   
  
• Shopping or going out for a coffee are great "meet up" locations.
   
  
• Do not bring up or mention any type of past relationship problems. Also, do not ask if she's dating or sleeping with another guy.
   
  
• Act happy, positive and cheerful. This will keep you from appearing needy and/or insecure.
  

Best of luck,

A.

Sounds like good advice in most circumstances. I wonder if it also applies if your GF dumped you because she feared she wasnt special enough and thinking everything she can give, other girls can give aswell.

Do this, don't do this. It's all a crap shoot no matter what your "technique" is. Anyone who figures they have it wired is setting themselves up for a world of hurt.

You can't create desire within someone who's feelings have died. There is no trick to getting someone back. If there was someone would be a billionaire. You have a better chance of predicting every winner in every baseball game this year than devising a strategy to get someone back.

what if she finds a rebound? she won't feel loneliness or the need to heal then i assume

If my ex-GF starts shagging a rebound before she realises she wants to get back to me the rebound can keep her. Intimacy with another person would make reconcilliation 100% impossible for me and she'd just be a huge dissapointment and a waste of time and huge effort and love i put into the relationship.

If she dumped you because you were needy it really doesn't matter if you apply everyone of these techniques down to a T,it's game over.Her feelings have died for you.Only use these techniques for personal growth and move the **** on.

Remember that this thread is only made to show you what I have "learned" so far. This is, in no way, a 100% guarantee to get your ex back. Heck, I still haven't got her back!

If she dumped you because you were needy it really doesn't matter if you apply everyone of these techniques down to a T,it's game over.Her feelings have died for you.Only use these techniques for personal growth and move the **** on.

Not entirely true. Sparks can be reignited, you attracted her before, you can do it again, but not as the needy version of you, but as the old you. The point is get yourself back first through NC, regain that confidence (working out, dating other or what not) and let the universe unfold, you will be in much better position for future, whether its another shot with your ex or with someone new.

I re-created my profile on a dating website. its where we first meet. she have hers profile up still,, but haven't been online for over 15 days.. i assume one day she will go there and probably see i have re-created my profile.. will that help in anyway ?

I re-created my profile on a dating website. its where we first meet. she have hers profile up still,, but haven't been online for over 15 days.. i assume one day she will go there and probably see i have re-created my profile.. will that help in anyway ?

Ofcourse. She probably thinks something like: "wow, he made a new profile? He must be looking for a new girl!" This will support the "fear of loss" within her.

Ofcourse. She probably thinks something like: "wow, he made a new profile? He must be looking for a new girl!" This will support the "fear of loss" within her.

Depending on the reason for break up, she might also think "Awh, he moved on. Well i hope he finds someone better or more special than me. "

Depending on the reason for break up, she might also think "Awh, he moved on. Well i hope he finds someone better or more special than me. "

Also true, it really depends on the way you two split up. Keep in mind, you've attracted her before. So it's possible you can do the same again. Try to be the man she fell in love with. It's okay to show her you still care about her, just don't overdo it. Women with very low self-esteem are the hardest to get back, because they don't value themselves.

oh i jus love it when men tell us how we women are, how we act, what we want in a man.... *sigh*

please dont generalise us all into one convenient coop

That's not what I'm doing, although scientific studies show that most women act and behave in a very similair way. I'm not saying all women are alike.

erm sorry but it doesnt state "some women" or even "most women" just "women"

and if an ex pulled that dating to get me jealous crap, and pushed and pulled me....id loose all respect for him and move the hell on

still hope it works for you guys...but remember...a lot of women KNOW when youre pulling this...same with nonchalance...ive found that to be annoying in many instances...but hey...im just one woman, a pretty switched on one at that

The dating is really to rebuild your self esteem and confidence. Yes, it can make your ex jealous, but the main thing is to get back to the confident and happy guy you once were.

Also true, it really depends on the way you two split up. Keep in mind, you've attracted her before. So it's possible you can do the same again. Try to be the man she fell in love with. It's okay to show her you still care about her, just don't overdo it. Women with very low self-esteem are the hardest to get back, because they don't value themselves.

or maybe they just value themselves not to take back a crappy ex and his sorry excuse of a 'relationship'

see generalizing agin

The dating is really to rebuild your self esteem and confidence. Yes, it can make your ex jealous, but the main thing is to get back to the confident and happy guy you once were.

but in the article you posted it basically states that making your ex jealous is a good thing, creating fear?

well if boys wanna play them games, i say let them..........

Love is all about playing games, whether you are a man or a woman.

Love is all about playing games, whether you are a man or a woman.

Maybe dating around but love certainly has nothing to do with playing games. By the way, my ex started the flirting with other girls on fb shiit. Guess what? I finally want nothing to do with him. He knocked himself off the pedestal with that one.

Sorry to hear that. Did he break up with you or did you break up with him?

Love is all about playing games, whether you are a man or a woman.

lol so they say....but i prefer to leave the games to the kiddies in the playground...and go sit with the adults. love is about love, compassion, respect, and peace. not games.

any form of technique for getting an ex back, is a form of manipulation to manipulate someones will to your advantage. or try to. that for me, isnt what mature, steady love is about.

like attracts like....you play games, you'll pull a game player

anyways...i leave this thread respectively

Maybe dating around but love certainly has nothing to do with playing games. By the way, my ex started the flirting with other girls on fb shiit. Guess what? I finally want nothing to do with him. He knocked himself off the pedestal with that one.

Glad to hear that, its better late than never

There is no magical technique or any type of manipulation that will get your ex back. You can set yourself up for the best possible scenario for reconciliation by following the information in this guide. Can you make make someone fall in love with you? Well...yes and no. You can respond in a way or manner that can influence someone to feel attraction for you.

People fall in and out of love. People break up and get back together every day of the week. So it's not an impossibility. Remember, it's all chemical anyway and it's all based on feelings and attraction. If you really and truly want the person back who broke up with you, then this information can be used solely as a guide. Each situation is different. It is a mix of human interaction, human emotion and human psychology.

erm sorry but it doesnt state "some women" or even "most women" just "women"

 

and if an ex pulled that dating to get me jealous crap, and pushed and pulled me....id loose all respect for him and move the hell on

 

still hope it works for you guys...but remember...a lot of women KNOW when youre pulling this...same with nonchalance...ive found that to be annoying in many instances...but hey...im just one woman, a pretty switched on one at that

I'm not sure what you mean by "switched on" but you do appear to be very cerebral.