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Thread: Future fakers

  1. #1
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    Future fakers

    I just discovered this term today. I don't like to label people in general, but I do believe my ex embodied many of the characteristics and behavior that a future faker possesses. A lot of the pain I have been feeling is stemming from how he strung me along into believing we had a long-term future together, was so adamant about planning it, but in reality his actions showed the complete opposite of wanting it. I guess it all became clear the day we broke up when he told me he didn't want to be 30 and divorced one day.

    After reading more about this on baggagereclaim, I feel some sort of relief to finally be able to identify possible reasons that he did this to me. I knew at the time it was strange that he was so determined about it all when he sprung it on me seemingly out of no where sometime after the holidays. I was hesitant to go along with it but he always talked about it and almost was forcing his plans on to me- like the location he wanted to move to (which I wasn't too crazy about but wanted to be open to it for him since he liked it so much) then when I finally warmed up to the idea of us moving and starting a life together it became too much of a reality for him. He knew he wasn't capable of giving me that life. Maybe he just wanted it for himself so badly and wanted a safety blanket to come along.

    Now, I struggle with the idea that I wasn't good enough- that he couldn't see himself with me so there must have been something wrong with me. He always said how he couldn't see himself with anyone but me, didn't want anyone else but what he was doing during the relationship proves otherwise. A lot of the time I find myself wondering why he said all of that just to keep me around. For what? Security? I'll never know and it isn't healthy for me to keep trying to find the answers. I can't, and then I just resort to blaming myself and chalking it up to my perceived flaws.

    Anyway, here is the link:
    link removed

  2. #2
    Gold Member TearsofFate's Avatar
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    It's not your fault. He seems like a dreamer. He dreams about what he wants..but once it becomes reality he becomes scared of it, and starts dreaming up something else he wants..always living in a dream. To afraid to make it real, for the chance that his dream might turn sour.

    It sounded like he has some ultimate master plan he wanted to achieve (hence the certain area he wanted to move to, and forcing you along, and the determination involved with it). It sounds like he loved his plan more then the girl involved in it =/ (sorry to say) ..this is when a person falls in love with the idea of someone but not the actual person...so it was his problem, not yours.

    He backed out saying "I don't want to get a divorce at 30!" because he's still focused on his masterplan of living happily ever after...and will stop at nothing (even breaking people's hearts) to get there...which is awfully selfish of him. Surely he won't get anywhere stringing girls along like this and wondering why he's never happy and married...he wants it so bad, that he's being aggressive about it.

    It's lucky that you got away from him. He sounds controlling and doesn't seem to live in the moment (he stresses over the future like an obsession)..and doesn't seem to care who it hurts.

  3. #3
    Bronze Member springfun0214's Avatar
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    I just looked at the website you mentioned. My ex is definitely a future faker. Only saying things about the future to get their needs met now. So very true.

  4. #4
    Bronze Member Never2Late's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry to hear your struggles. Hang in there, it's not you, IT'S THEM!

    These individuals are users, they take the most out of a situation and when there's nothing left to take, they leave.

    Dreamers usually have the 'Fairy tale' complex, they want to live happily ever after no matter whom with. They don't value the partner-person, their only concern is their selfish ambitions.
    They don't put the relationship first...and when the sh*t hits the fan, you won't see them anymore.

    Do you want to spend the rest of your life with this person? You're the judge.

    Look for 'Borderline Personality Disorder' too. You might get a better perspective about this mental confusion you're having now.

    Consider yourself lucky, really!

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  6. #5
    Member Thisisnotme's Avatar
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    baggage link removed is one of my favorite websites. I also love how they show a feed of their FB posts on the side of their web page - so those of us who are avoiding FB will not miss out on the amazing insight they post. If you like that site and Natalie Lue, a few other good ones are:
    link removed and any information from Kaleah LaRoche at link removed. The information they offer is interesting. It may not fit your situation, but the material is amazing.

    I was with a "faker" too. He was a faker in the past and he will be a faker in the future.

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    He loved the plan more than the girl involved in it...hm. That pretty much crushed my spirits for the day, haha. But I have to step back and realize that you are most likely right.

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    Originally Posted by Thisisnotme
    baggage link removed is one of my favorite websites. I also love how they show a feed of their FB posts on the side of their web page - so those of us who are avoiding FB will not miss out on the amazing insight they post. If you like that site and Natalie Lue, a few other good ones are:
    link removed and any information from Kaleah LaRoche at link removed. The information they offer is interesting. It may not fit your situation, but the material is amazing.

    I was with a "faker" too. He was a faker in the past and he will be a faker in the future.
    Thanks for sharing those sites, I will definitely check them out. Baggagereclaim has put a lot of things into perspective for me.

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    Originally Posted by Never2Late
    I'm so sorry to hear your struggles. Hang in there, it's not you, IT'S THEM!

    These individuals are users, they take the most out of a situation and when there's nothing left to take, they leave.

    Dreamers usually have the 'Fairy tale' complex, they want to live happily ever after no matter whom with. They don't value the partner-person, their only concern is their selfish ambitions.
    They don't put the relationship first...and when the sh*t hits the fan, you won't see them anymore.

    Do you want to spend the rest of your life with this person? You're the judge.

    Look for 'Borderline Personality Disorder' too. You might get a better perspective about this mental confusion you're having now.

    Consider yourself lucky, really!
    That was definitely the case with him. He would just take, take, take and over time he would simply just expect me to bend over backwards for him while he did nothing in return.

    And yeah, he fits the description for BPD to a tee. Outlook depends on if the person is willing to accept help, so I guess he's screwed. Hah.

    I know it was a bad situation all around. He would brag to his friends about our "plans" and I just knew something was off. Who knows how much longer the charade would have went on if I didn't get out when I did.

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    I know how you feel, my gf and I made a lot of plan for the future when we started dating..I even considered proposing to her in 3/4 years after she finishes college and I have a proper
    job thanks for my masters.
    We were both really happy with the idea of those dreams but in someway I think I was the only one who was serious about them, right now thing have become a little complicated and we have both said a lot of things but I still love her even though she refuses to acknowledge my love

    Am I crazy? Um never Mind I don't think this is the right thread for this...

  11. #10
    Bronze Member MissieP's Avatar
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    My ex was a total future faker. He always told me we would get married have the white picket fence, the happy kids,etc well needless to say that never happened! He left me for another woman and now he is supposedly future faking with her. Some people never change.....

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