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Thread: Do men regret breaking up with the good girl?

  1. #11

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    Mistake. Delete.

  2. #12

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    Originally Posted by LN1987
    I hope not all dumpers think this way, doesnt hold much for us dumpees who actually think we are alright does it?
    I was talking about ME. Not about the general male dumper population. You'll be alright. And by the way liked the song "somebody that I used to know".

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Penseur
    It's situational like Eocsor said. But I'll go ahead and give you some anecdotal evidence that this happens. There's one girl I broke up with who meets the criteria of being a "good girl." I'm not 100% sure what you mean by that phrase, but I take it to mean that she has great qualities and characteristics. This includes intelligence, ambition, drive, nurturing side, treats you with respect and adoration, etc. Do I regret the end of that relationship? I sure do! But I also recognize that if I hadn't ended it when I did, it would have ended at some point because that was the way the relationship was unfolding. I recognized it, and wanted to sever things before we/I got too deep. That doesn't mean I don't have regrets and that it didn't hurt. Because I do and it did.
    Eocsor: That's exactly the qualities I am talking about. Why did you break up with her if she had all those great qualities. What made you regret? Did you try to get back with her?

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by travella
    Eocsor: That's exactly the qualities I am talking about. Why did you break up with her if she had all those great qualities. What made you regret? Did you try to get back with her?
    Hon, what I am hearing from this story was that although she was a great person, she wasn't right for him (because it would have ended at some point).

    I hope you aren't trying to hope for some guy to come back out of regret. Best bet is to move on as best you can.

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  6. #15
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    Everyone tells me to move on, which is what I already know. But it's so freakin hard. I think about him day and night!!!! I just can't get him out of mind. It's been a month and I feel I barely made progress.

  7. #16
    Silver Member symbiot's Avatar
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    I think that if you don't have regrets about screwing someone around and you are able to "just move on" you may have some deep issues the need to be addressed. Maybe sociopathic. I think that a lot of people are able to put off uncomfortable thoughts for a while but they WILL catch up with them later down the line and it will be much harder to deal with then.

  8. #17
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    ^^^ What does everyone else think about this. I always fell regret/remorse when I have hurt someone, but I often fell like it would be better to just throw it all in a corner and pretend nothing ever happened.... I just cant do that for some reason.

  9. #18
    Silver Member symbiot's Avatar
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    I'm just saying that you HAVE to deal with your feelings up front or they will poison you like cancer. It doesn't matter if youre the dumper or the dumpee. You have to deal with the emotional consequences of you decisions.

  10. #19
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    Years ago, I had a devastating breakup which left me mentally paralyzed. I couldn't go to work without crying and I couldn't eat for days. My ex at the time moved on, by focusing on other things like remodeling his home and hanging out with friends. I was shocked that he had so much strength when I was such a mess and felt so pathetic. Almost a year after our breakup, he came back and the tables were turned. He wanted me back, but I was already with someone. Fast forward ten years, I feel like the same is happening with my most recent ex. I can't stop thinking about him and have trouble letting go. Yet, with him, he can just walk away so easily. We still have mutual friends and they tell me that he's been working hard on promoting his business. I guess I am just weak, because I can hardly get out of bed and function. I don't know how my ex has the strength.

    In both cases, my ex would tell me how they've never met anyone who cared for them so much. I know they both loved me. My most recent ex tells he is not ready for a relationship.
    Last edited by travella; 09-05-2011 at 09:41 PM.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by travella
    Eocsor: That's exactly the qualities I am talking about. Why did you break up with her if she had all those great qualities. What made you regret? Did you try to get back with her?
    I'm actually curious to hear this, too. If this girl was so great then why wasn't she right for you?

    One thing to remember is, just because a guy leaves doesn't mean he's looking for something "better." I've had guys leave me because I wasn't religious enough, because I didn't "dote" on them enough, whatever. Had nothing to do with my looks, my achievements or my personality. I have had exes leave without giving me a reason and end up with women who are, by all objective accounts, the bottom of society's barrel as far as looks and attitude...but it'll be a girl who cooks for him every night, or allows him to engage in an open relationship, or who accepts everything he says as gospel. Has nothing to do with me; I know my worth and I am free to believe that whatever I couldn't offer a guy who leaves is nothing that I'd really find very important anyway.

    Be a "good girl" if that's how you feel most comfortable, as long as it doesn't interfere with your emotional and mental health. If somebody doesn't want it then assume he wants a woman who's something you aren't (who knows? She may be a dominatrix who beats him twice a day. Not something I'm considering getting into anyway!)

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