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Thread: I can't stand my boyfriend anymore!!!

  1. #1
    raziel1687
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    Unhappy I can't stand my boyfriend anymore!!!

    So in a long line of different circumstances, I have ended up moving into an apartment with my boyfriend of 2 years (Not that I wanted to, this is just how it happened). This past year has been a struggle with him. First of all, he doesn't know how to do things any other average person knows how to do. Can't drive and doesn't have his own car for one. Getting him to get a job was a pain in the ass but I finally got him to.

    But anyway, he is a very emotionally draining person. I'm already a depressed person as it is, so try living with someone who always makes you more depressed everyday. I think something is mentally wrong with him. Like he will find these situations that everyone experiences as such a HUGE deal, and such an INCONVENIENCE to him, and he has to cause such emotional drama about it. Like if the line is too long at the grocery store, he'll just get angry about it. And I know stuff like this happens in life, so I don't think it's a big deal. I don't know how to deal with this, he's always bringing me down.

    Also, all the time before he had a job, I was paying for everything! Whenever we went out, I paid. And also I had to drive an hour from my house to his to go see him. So all the gas I've spent to go visit him, all the food I've fed him, everything/anything else I've bought him. Could easily add up to $1,000 and more. But now that he has a job. I ask him if he can buy me this, he gets all defensive about it. And he may claim to be a "clean" freak compared to me who is slower to get to chores. But he is the laziest person I know. He'll never iron his clothes for work, he never washes his hair, when he washes dishes, he does it lazily having me to wash them again, etc.

    So the point is, I'm in a lease at this apartment, both of us are signed onto. Everyday I'm becoming more and more depressed. So depressed I don't even feel like talking to my friends anymore, I don't feel like doing the hobbies I used to like doing... I can't really break up with him right now, so what is the next best thing I can do until I can?

  2. #2
    blackhawks1287
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    Well if you cannot talk to him about these issues and find a compromise then there is nothing you can do.

    You are in a very toxic situation...that is clearly dragging you further down.

    Are there any other places you can stay for a few evenings just to get away for a couple nights? Some distance may help the both of you here, but you have to communicate everything with him...whether he is defensive about it or not.. communicate it until he understands.

  3. #3
    Betweenthebars
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    That is a very toxic situation - and he acts like he is 16 (from what I've read), which is not good. Well, how old is he, actually? I don't really understand how someone can get angry at lines in a store. If you go during the day, that's what you get.

    Have you tried communicating with him? My way communicating used to be screaming and getting incredibly upset, so I don't suggest that route try to have a relaxing day with him. Wake up before him, make him some breakfast, watch a favorite movie you both like. I'm suggesting these things just so leading up to your conversation, everything is relaxing and calm. When you DO bring up your concerns, do it gently. I've made the mistake before of saying the right words, but I had an accusing tone; the perfect tone, but the wrong words. This can be too tricky with people who have emotional issues, the tiniest thing can ruin your discussion. But if that happens, remember that it is not your fault. You are trying to make things work.

    So, talk to him. Tell him your exact concerns. You feel hurt because you used to support him completely, and it seems like that meant nothing to him. Sometimes it becomes draining when he is constantly finding the negative in every situation. Whatever you feel like brining up, but don't overload him, either. Hah I've done that before, it doesn't turn out well.

    If he refuses to even hear you out, that shows very little respect or love on his part. If that happens, leaving for a weekend to get space (no texting, no calling, nothing) would be ideal.

  4. #4
    FathomFear
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    Just curious. What exactly do you see in this guy? Your post is 100% negative. Sounds like you should just break it off and sublet.

  5. #5
    Betweenthebars
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    Quote Originally Posted by FathomFear [Register to see the link]
    Just curious. What exactly do you see in this guy? Your post is 100% negative. Sounds like you should just break it off and sublet.
    It's possible he has good qualities. I mean, she came on here to bring up the bad crap so she could get advice. So, not much point in detailing everything that is wonderful about her boyfriend. Though, I was a bit curious as well.

    What are his good qualities?
    Do you believe he loves you?
    Could this be just a rough patch for him, or has he acted childish his whole life?

  6. #6
    annie24
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    given your other posts on this guy, it sounds like you two need to break up and move on. this relationship isn't working for you.

  7. #7
    jakel
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    Sounds like your fixer upper has turned out to be well a fixer upper! what you see is what you get ladies! The frog only turns into a prince after you kiss em in the story books.

  8. #8
    lavenderdove
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    He may not be mentally ill, just extremely immature... 12 year old boys don't always bath, and whine and complain about any inconvenience or things they don't like too... If he is stuck at a low maturity level (called arrested development, which does happen for some), then he basically will look for a 'parent' type partner to take over all the adult responsibilities so that he can stay a child and not have to deal with it.

    So I think this won't work for you if you want an equal partner... If you decide to go, then your situation is strictly a financial problem, so rather than focusing on how depressing it is, instead focus on what you need financially to move out and work towards getting enough money to do so. Perhaps you could move in with another friend/relative for a while while you he tries to get a roommate to pay the other half of the rent until the lease runs out. Or talk to the landlord and see if you can buy your way over or pay him off over time.

  9. #9
    raziel1687
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    This is only my second boyfriend, and as I've grown older these past 3 years, my needs regarding a boyfriend has changed. The reason why I wanted a boyfriend in the beginning has changed. Now I need someone who is more my best friend and on my level. So basically I just saw him as attractive to start off with. I never lived with him before, so all those other things I notice now, didn't matter then. If that makes since.

  10. #10
    raziel1687
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    He does love me. He's not such of an idiot as my last boyfriend was. He's organized. He's a good lover. He pays the rent. And I think he has acted emotionally immature his whole life because his parents didn't raise him to be emotionally mature. A lot of his "negatives" are from his parents not teaching him what they should have as parents. And I feel like I'm picking up the tab, having to teach him what I shouldn't be... I don't have the patience.

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