would you stay or go in my situation?

I'm looking for specific advice as to what you would do in my situation. I'm in my 30's, as in my significant other. We've been together for the past 7 years, on and off due to my "being on the fence" about the relationship. He has 3 kids and an ex-wife who hates me andcalls me a homewrecker because I became involved with my SO before they were officially divorced (big mistake, I know). She doesntwant me around the kids but theres nothing she can do, short of me leaving the relationship. She complains to my SO about me and it makes me feel horrible, guilty, uneasy, and depressed.

Basically he pursued me heavily in the beginning and though my instincts told me to get away from the guy, i gave in. I wanted to please him because I was insecure, lonely and weak. He wined and dined me which I had never experienced before. The sex was never great, I think because despite the big romance, the chemistry isnt there. I was attracted to him but..i dont know something was off.

I have left him numerous times over the years. I definitely loved him in the past, especially when he would cry when I left him and to see the deep pain in his eyes, killed me. I would always come back to him at some point. I dont know why, but I just have never been able to be at peace in the relationship. Its like my mind is always consumed with "should I stay or should I go?" and "I love him but I'm not in love" and "I feel like I'm wasting our time by staying"...I'm always planning an exit strategy and looking for an affordable, good place to live without him. I have yet to find one. All my energy is focused on my exit strategy (which never really gets put into action) and not on making a great relationship. I really cant help it.. my mind just keeps me up at night with anxiety that I need to get out, and that I've wasted all these years with someone I dont really want to be with. I feel like I'm always in limbo.

He's not a bad guy but he has his faults, as do I. I do care about him and wish his happiness, but I dont know that i can ever fully commit, in my mind. I just want to feel committed and feel inner peace and not waste any more of our youth. I see these online dating websites and it looks so daunting, like I'll just be single and struggling for years, should I leave.

But when I stay, he just gets under my skin. He is so loud and obnoxious, disrespectful. He loves me deeply and is fully committed but he drives me nuts. He goes to bed early and I'm a night owl so I want to stay up and read or watch t.v but he makes me turn all lights off. How can I ever read a book before bed when I have to live like this? Am I supposed to spend the rest of my life not being able to read a book before bed? I'm a huge animal lover and he is not. He's deathly allergic to my cats. Am I supposed to have the rest of my life with my cats outdoors? He's a neat freak and I'm a slob. Am I supposed to have to listen to him nag me constantly for the rest of my life? It makes me crazy! He gets up early and is a "do-er"...I sleep the morning away. I hate that I do that but I dont see it changing, I am simply exhausted all the time. And I get nagged about it constantly. Is this just incompatibility? is it normal? what would you do?

I wish I felt more in love but the above issues keep me from that, and the fact that he farts in front of me, hawks loud lugies every morning, is generally angry most of the time. Am I supposed to live the rest of my life with his nagging and anger at the world? I roll my eyes at him when he's not looking. I wish I respected him more. We do have some fun sometimes and I like hanging out with him and his kids. But his personality is so combative, but thats just how he plays. It get on my nerves because I want a peaceful relationship, not one that we are jokingly arguing all the time. Yet I do care for him, but the romance is gone, the sex is gone, the pleasure of being together is gone. I cant afford to live on my own, especially finding a place to take my two cats. I live with him and we have a life together. He would be devastated if I left. But I dont want to be 40 and feeling this same way. All i wanted in life was to be in love, have passionate sex, and be happily married. A life without him will be daunting as well, as I suffer from mild depression and I know I will be unable to move on from this for years. I know this. What would you do if you were me? thank you

You seem to have had enough of it all. Have you tried looking around to room with someone? Do you have any family and friends that you can stay with?

I'm not too sure what your going to do about your cats. And as for your man, if you are truly not happy with him then you will have no choice but to leave him. But you will unfortunately end up hurting him. But it's not your fault - so don't think that it is. And there really is no other way.

You need to leave him. I'm sorry. It's so hard.

If you know that you want to leave him, but for some reason you can't, I'd look at getting some professional help. The 'loud, obnoxious and disrespectful' part makes me want to advise a domestic abuse service, because, honestly, he does sound emotionally abusive. They can help give you support and advice about how to leave him, and help you out with a proper exit strategy, housing, and all that jazz.

If you genuinely don't think this warrants it, I'd see a counsellor instead. Because from your post it is clear you don't WANT to be with him, yet you don't seem ABLE to leave. That is beyond the scope of ENA. You need some serious help to break free of this guy.

After everything you said about him, it seems clear that you must leave him. It also sounds like at this point you are just using him for the housing and the financial security. That's a far cry from "All i wanted in life was to be in love, have passionate sex, and be happily married."

It's not too late for that, you know. For you, or for him. Don't you think he has a right to that stuff too?

Seriously Animal, you are in a lot of pain and I'm so sorry. My relationship is so similar and after getting some very sage advice from this forum the other day, I joined link removed and will pursue the life that I deserve. You deserve more in your life and it sounds like your partner totally disrespects you by his actions, words, and deeds. And the ex is only going to make your life more of a living hell. Walk out now with dignity and your head held high. I know I will too. But, it's important that you get some prefessional help. Zoloft has done wonders for me in the last week and you need professional help to clear your head and get some sanity.