How Long Before You Bring Up Exclusivity?

I met a guy on a dating website and we quickly switched to texts/phone calls. Things came up so we talked for about a month before actually meeting up. We have been actually physically dating for more than a month now (we've been out about 4 or 5 times) and I've met his sister. We've both had a lot of distractions, but things should be calmer in about a week. We have been physically intimate, but we have not had sex. I have told him that there will be no intercourse until we are in a monogamous relationship. I'm comfortable and enjoying where we are physically right now, but I would like to see the rest of the relationship progress.

We've both talked about suspending/canceling our accounts and he told me he hasn't met anyone else. I've made it clear that I don't think we're in a monogamous relationship right now. I've actually been seeing other people. It's no secret that I'm into him. We are both still active on the website where we met. I would like to stop seeing other people, but I will continue to see other people until I know that we aren't seeing other people. I would like to broach this subject, but don't want to rush things. I'm just not comfortable being physical with someone when we're both still actively on a dating website. Is it too soon to bring this up?

I am not necessarily looking to jump into something super serious nor do I need a label. I just want to see if we're on the same page.

You bring it up when you want to bring it up. You obviously want to, so do. You're over-thinking this.

Also, if you want to stop seeing other people, stop seeing them. You don't need his permission or agreement.

He's been really busy and I've been out of town a lot. I feel like I have been initiating more contact than he has. I am confidant that he is interested in me, but it's still too early for me to be at the top of his list of priorities. He really has a full plate. I don't want to push him away. I notice that when I'm with other guys I spend the whole time hoping that he isn't doing the same thing. I just don't want to limit my options if he doesn't see this going anywhere.

I don't understand why you are still seeing other guys if you don't want to, and you don't enjoy it. You have no obligation to see other people just because he is.

You can stop seeing other people any time. You don't have to make a pact with this new guy. You don't even have to tell him if you don't want.

I know I don't have to tell him and I know I don't have to see other people. I just don't want to put all of my eggs in one basket if his are spread all over town. It's not like I've gone out with other guys expecting not to enjoy it. I've just realized while I'm out that I'd rather be exclusively seeing him. If he still wants to see other people then I will continue to date around and hope that I meet someone else who sparks my interest.

I guess I'll bring it up next week. The question is, how do I bring it up? What is the lowest pressure way to ask about pulling down our profiles?

Pulling down profiles does not make two people exclusive. Many people have assumed they are officially bf/gf when the talk really danced around the subject and never actually stated, "are we officially a couple". So they might talk about being "exclusive" or "not sleeping with others" or taking down dating profiles. But with the vague wording, one person assumes bf/gf, while the other person assumes "dating you exclusively but still keeping eyes peeled in case someone better comes along". If you want to be an official couple, it is best you state that so that there is no room for misinterpretation. All you have to do is tell him that you would very much like to be exclusive with him as an official couple and you are not sure where he stands on that. Then see what he says. If it pushes him away then it is better you know sooner rather than later. You have gone out 4-5 times and have been in contact regularly for a month before that. It should be plenty of time for him to decide whether or not he likes you enough to be in a relationship with you and not keep looking for others.

If you two had the right chemistry and understanding then why keep looking for other people? How many do you want to date at the same time? Im confused. Anyway if you feel the need to see others then you are probably not that into him and therefore why are you wasting his and your time ? If I were single and the woman I was dating was seeing other guys id kick her out of my car quick smart..

If you two had the right chemistry and understanding then why keep looking for other people? How many do you want to date at the same time? Im confused. Anyway if you feel the need to see others then you are probably not that into him and therefore why are you wasting his and your time ? If I were single and the woman I was dating was seeing other guys id kick her out of my car quick smart..

I am very into him or I wouldn't be stressing out over this. I've been ready to stop seeing others since the first date. I just know that not everybody moves at my pace. I've been acting under the assumption that he is dating other people or at least talking to other people. The advice I have been receiving from friends is that it's soon and we should both still be seeing other people. He still checks his messages on the site which leads me to go on the site to see if he has been on. I would like to us to be monogamous. I personally feel that at this point he should have some idea if he sees this going somewhere and I'd like to know his thoughts sooner rather than later. I just don't want to pressure him.

How do I bring this up? What do I say?

In all my serious relationships the man brought it up within the first month of dating. The only difference with meeting through an on line site is that he should deactivate his profile as should you if you are exclusive but of course he can talk to other women all he wants - he simply should not date other women or advertise himself on a dating site as single. I would wait a bit closer to two months before initiating that discussion - do you care at all if you're the one who brings it up first?

"I would like to us to be monogamous. I personally feel that at this point he should have some idea if he sees this going somewhere and I'd like to know his thoughts sooner rather than later. I just don't want to pressure him.

How do I bring this up? What do I say? ".

So you say: I'd like us to be monogamous, whaddaya think?

You can only control what you do. When I started dating my wife(whom I met on a dating site) I finished my already set dates and then quit fishing. I do best when I can focus on one woman. Except for first dates I did not like dating more than one woman at a time, even if we had not reached the bf/gf stage. I told her that I set my account to inactive and found her to be a person I wanted to focus on. She, like you, did not want all her eggs in one basket and did not close off relations. I was ok with that, different people different paces. After a few more dates with me and other men she decided to focus on us as well. With other women in my past, they have decided not to focus a relationship and eventually I let them know I was no longer interested in dating and got my fishing gear back out, no hard feelings it just didn't work out. I think that is the best you can do. Any kind of ultimatum or judgment (I'm doing it so why aren't you) would be detrimental to the growing relationship. Go at your pace, he'll go at his, if it is meant to be you will reach the same point soon, otherwise you'll just have to resume fishing.

I feel like we're both just assuming the other person is seeing other people. I've made it very clear I'm not under the impression we're monogamous. It might actually be my fault that this thing is so confusing... I say awkward things around him.

How about a conversation along the lines of, “No pressure…. just want to run this by you. We’ve been talking for more than a couple of months at this point. I think it’s been long enough that I’d be comfortable not seeing other people and pulling down my profile. What are your thoughts?” I don't want to give an ultimatum or set rules, but I want to see if we're on the same page. I figure he'll either respond by telling me that he still wants to see other people in which case I will know that our feelings aren't mutual and I'll pull back or he'll say that he isn't seeing anyone else and I'll feel comfortable.

I would keep it simpler especially since you've only been dating for a month ("talking" really isn't relevant to this issue IMO). "How do you feel about just seeing each other?" If he is enthusiastic he will carry the ball from there as far as understanding what you mean by that - although there may need to be more specifics such as not only are you not seeing others you're not looking to see others. Then if his profile is still active in a week or so tell him you feel uncomfortable with him advertising that he is single given your discussion. I think your approach is far too wordy and intense.

Thanks Batya. I don't have much experience with initiating these convos. I was worried I might be too wordy... that was actually edited way down from what I was originally thinking of saying. I'm going out of town again tomorrow and likely won't see him before then so this will probably take place sometime next week or the week after.