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Thread: How Long Before You Bring Up Exclusivity?

  1. #1
    SinfullySweet
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    How Long Before You Bring Up Exclusivity?

    I met a guy on a dating website and we quickly switched to texts/phone calls. Things came up so we talked for about a month before actually meeting up. We have been actually physically dating for more than a month now (we've been out about 4 or 5 times) and I've met his sister. We've both had a lot of distractions, but things should be calmer in about a week. We have been physically intimate, but we have not had sex. I have told him that there will be no intercourse until we are in a monogamous relationship. I'm comfortable and enjoying where we are physically right now, but I would like to see the rest of the relationship progress.

    We've both talked about suspending/canceling our accounts and he told me he hasn't met anyone else. I've made it clear that I don't think we're in a monogamous relationship right now. I've actually been seeing other people. It's no secret that I'm into him. We are both still active on the website where we met. I would like to stop seeing other people, but I will continue to see other people until I know that we aren't seeing other people. I would like to broach this subject, but don't want to rush things. I'm just not comfortable being physical with someone when we're both still actively on a dating website. Is it too soon to bring this up?

    I am not necessarily looking to jump into something super serious nor do I need a label. I just want to see if we're on the same page.

  2. #2
    myhonestanswer
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    You bring it up when you want to bring it up. You obviously want to, so do. You're over-thinking this.

    Also, if you want to stop seeing other people, stop seeing them. You don't need his permission or agreement.

  3. #3
    SinfullySweet
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    He's been really busy and I've been out of town a lot. I feel like I have been initiating more contact than he has. I am confidant that he is interested in me, but it's still too early for me to be at the top of his list of priorities. He really has a full plate. I don't want to push him away. I notice that when I'm with other guys I spend the whole time hoping that he isn't doing the same thing. I just don't want to limit my options if he doesn't see this going anywhere.

  4. #4
    myhonestanswer
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    I don't understand why you are still seeing other guys if you don't want to, and you don't enjoy it. You have no obligation to see other people just because he is.

    You can stop seeing other people any time. You don't have to make a pact with this new guy. You don't even have to tell him if you don't want.

  5. #5
    SinfullySweet
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    I know I don't have to tell him and I know I don't have to see other people. I just don't want to put all of my eggs in one basket if his are spread all over town. It's not like I've gone out with other guys expecting not to enjoy it. I've just realized while I'm out that I'd rather be exclusively seeing him. If he still wants to see other people then I will continue to date around and hope that I meet someone else who sparks my interest.

    I guess I'll bring it up next week. The question is, how do I bring it up? What is the lowest pressure way to ask about pulling down our profiles?
    Last edited by SinfullySweet; 08-18-2011 at 05:46 AM.

  6. #6
    Crazyaboutdogs
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    Pulling down profiles does not make two people exclusive. Many people have assumed they are officially bf/gf when the talk really danced around the subject and never actually stated, "are we officially a couple". So they might talk about being "exclusive" or "not sleeping with others" or taking down dating profiles. But with the vague wording, one person assumes bf/gf, while the other person assumes "dating you exclusively but still keeping eyes peeled in case someone better comes along". If you want to be an official couple, it is best you state that so that there is no room for misinterpretation. All you have to do is tell him that you would very much like to be exclusive with him as an official couple and you are not sure where he stands on that. Then see what he says. If it pushes him away then it is better you know sooner rather than later. You have gone out 4-5 times and have been in contact regularly for a month before that. It should be plenty of time for him to decide whether or not he likes you enough to be in a relationship with you and not keep looking for others.

  7. #7
    top bloke
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    If you two had the right chemistry and understanding then why keep looking for other people? How many do you want to date at the same time? Im confused. Anyway if you feel the need to see others then you are probably not that into him and therefore why are you wasting his and your time ? If I were single and the woman I was dating was seeing other guys id kick her out of my car quick smart..

  8. #8
    SinfullySweet
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    Quote Originally Posted by top bloke [Register to see the link]
    If you two had the right chemistry and understanding then why keep looking for other people? How many do you want to date at the same time? Im confused. Anyway if you feel the need to see others then you are probably not that into him and therefore why are you wasting his and your time ? If I were single and the woman I was dating was seeing other guys id kick her out of my car quick smart..
    I am very into him or I wouldn't be stressing out over this. I've been ready to stop seeing others since the first date. I just know that not everybody moves at my pace. I've been acting under the assumption that he is dating other people or at least talking to other people. The advice I have been receiving from friends is that it's soon and we should both still be seeing other people. He still checks his messages on the site which leads me to go on the site to see if he has been on. I would like to us to be monogamous. I personally feel that at this point he should have some idea if he sees this going somewhere and I'd like to know his thoughts sooner rather than later. I just don't want to pressure him.

    How do I bring this up? What do I say?

  9. #9
    Batya33
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    In all my serious relationships the man brought it up within the first month of dating. The only difference with meeting through an on line site is that he should deactivate his profile as should you if you are exclusive but of course he can talk to other women all he wants - he simply should not date other women or advertise himself on a dating site as single. I would wait a bit closer to two months before initiating that discussion - do you care at all if you're the one who brings it up first?

  10. #10
    myhonestanswer
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    "I would like to us to be monogamous. I personally feel that at this point he should have some idea if he sees this going somewhere and I'd like to know his thoughts sooner rather than later. I just don't want to pressure him.

    How do I bring this up? What do I say? ".

    So you say: I'd like us to be monogamous, whaddaya think?

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