Hi there. Male, 33.... And you may want to grab a cup of tea for this one....

I need to start from the beginning before i reach now... the end???

I met my now wife when i was 16, we touched accross a room, it was romantic she was my first, and i think i was hers. We spent a turbulent few years, on and off and on again but it took me going to University for a year, and here being with someone else for me to realise how in love with her i really was. Before that, i was just a cocky teenager. During our off time with me at uni she met a guy and had a relationship resulting in a son.

We finally got back together properly in 1999 and have been since.
Our early relationship from that point was, in my memory, amzing. Good times, friendship, loads of sex and fun..... we lived together for 4 years and had our first child together, a daughter.... all was well.... and a second daughter arrived in 2004, she was a harder birth and we got married ..... all was well....

Some say its cos we got married, some say it was after the 2nd child... but from that point things seemed to change.... we still had fun as much as having 2 x under 2's allowed. I had effectively adopted the son, and love him like my own. He has autism and at the time his father didnt want to know.

I had been working for HP and was well paid since 2002, we had mortgaged our home, we had nice stuff, nice cars
until that point she was bordering on the nymphomaniac thats who i met, thats who i married......... a year passed, now things seemed fine still, i had a social circle as did she and they intertwined nicely. My best friend was my "manager" from work though i never saw him as such and we got on great.........then...........

Out of the blue HP made our department redundant, we got a payout and my magager frined remained as such, i didnt really notice anything wrong until we had a rental car and the milage seemed to be massive.... and a few months after my redundancy my wife suddenly up and got a job at HP working in the department i had departed. Our sex life had been on a slow decline (and you all know whats coming!!!) but im afraid i missed it though 5 months in my suspicions were on the up.
We visited her mother in law that christmas 2006.... we were fighting more than usual, and she wanted to return home for new year, and leave me at her mothers.... finally after she went, her mother piped up, and told me that she and my "friend" had been having an affair for around 9 months.

I drove home and comfronted her, initially she lied and then said such things as they had hardly slept together, even though i enter the house that day with her at work to find the bed untidy and sex toys dotted around.

She immediately exploded and said she wouldnt stop and she wanted to separate. i didnt want that. I told his wife and it stopped dead. and she continued to work for him.... and suddenly 4 months had passed, our children were still t her mothers house.... as we didnt want them to go through all this... finally the situation resolved as her and his (very forgiving) wife, moved to spain.

My wife moved to her mothers, and i tried desperatly alone to save our house which was now in repossession... i failed and moved with her and the kids..... her attitude through all this was "i was happy, thus i didnt do anything wrong, GET OVER IT" and blamed me. Suddenly saying i was terrible husband and father.

I forgave her... everyone makes mistakes.

We live with her mother and father, and brothers. We have no home, no belongings.... and my wife..... it seems like she never fully returned from his arms, she is different.

FFW to now.... we are still together and its generally horrible..... Ive pondered on my mistake, i should have left her then, but i can not bring myself to leave the kids. I read all the papers and we went to marriage guidance, she always freaked in that when the affair was brought up and refused to speak of it. i read that it takes time for a cheating spouses affections to return to their husband.... but they just never have....
Now.... she shys away from my affections and my sex life it awful, maybe 3 times a year and when we do, its like she doesnt want to.... theres no passion, no sponteaity and again she blames everything, shes blames having our 2nd duaghter, that i ask, that i dont ask, that i dont shower and shave twice a day without fail every day 24/7..... She says she has no interest in sex and would be happy to never do it again. Im 33 and am highly sexed...

NB... I HAVE NEVER EVER CHEATED ON HER AND NEVER WILL.... she's the only person i have ever been with.... she's been with loads...

We have had all kinds of discussions, she has explained problems, which if reasonable i have rectified... but nothing ever changes stuff. She says she loves me, but treats me like dirt does what she likes when she likes, lays around in bed, declines trips out, and then complains we never go out and woprst she drops me and the kids whenever she likes to do things like army cadets.

This is the last bit promise!!!! Now after all this time she has developed a social circle in army cadets, and instantly im having trust issues, and probebly a little jelousy and im working 6 days a week to pay for the housekeep and kids..... she doesnt ask about what she does, she just does it, nights out, camping trips away for a week on end, leaving me to look after the children....

i think im finalyl starting to get mentally affected and have been suffering from something similar to sexomnia..... i guess 6 years of effectively zero sex does that to you. (NB look up sexomnia, its a real issue, its not me being out of line..... i have always been a sleepwalker and such... and i guess this is just the next mentally step towards insanity..)

My trouble..... i cant stop loving her.... and I certainly love my children i wish id left her after the affair, but despite several attempts i just dont have the bottle to do it, and face life alone.... im not sure i know how to function without her.........im a nive guy... nice guys generally finish last...... i wish i was the type not to care and just up and leave...but i can't and want to.....