Hello all. Sorry for posting yet again, but someone on this forum suggested that my boyfriend (or ex boyfriend) sounded narcisstic. Although I'd heard the word thrown around in every day conversation, I did not know much about the condition and its consequences. I spent the week-end reading up about this condition, and suddenly all of his behaviour which I never understood suddenly made sense seen through that lense.. I read accounts of different people who had been in a narcisstic relationship and character traits in two whole books on the subject, and it seems that is what the problem has been all along. While I read, I felt so sad and was often crying, but also at times felt anger at all that he put me through. But it helps to understand what on earth happened and that it was not all my fault, even though I am only human and imperfect.
What really gets to me though, is that, if it is a personnality disorder, it is not his fault. And I have this really strong feeling to want to nurture and love him. Even though every single book or article says that only long years of therapy can do anything to help someone with this and that staying in such a relationship would just destroy the partner, I feel so terrible and selfish to be abandonning someone who has an actual problem he is not himself responsible for.. I know I need to protect myself, but I am having a really hard time dealing with all this.
Apparently this condition is created in childhood, and I know he was abused as a child and did not get much love from his parents (even though now for some reason he idealises them to a point which is almost frightening). I had a bit of an absent father who was also a bit selfish, but I feel so fortunate that the rest of my family was very loving and nurturing a family taht validated who I was as a person, who put me forward, who encouraged me in the things I did, however crazy my ideas used to be. It makes me feel even worse knowing he never had this and that this is why he is like this today. I really want to be able to do something, and yet it seems there is nothing I can do but stay away. Please help me, this is driving me insane.. and I'm so mad at his parents for not loving him, at his father and relatives for abusing him physically.. I am so mad that that sweet little boy that only wanted to be loved is now destined to this life, in which I know he is hurting and in which there is nothing I can do to love him..