He asked me to be his girlfriend and then backed off...

Hi,

I really need to talk to someone about this.

I want apologize as this is a long story.

I met a man from a dating Website 3 weeks ago. He is 32. He was still living with his ex 2 months ago, but now lives with his father. He is planning on going back to school at the end of August to become a nurse. Also, he will be gone for 2 weeks in Austria with his father to see his brother who lives there. At the time, he worked 5 minutes away from me. Now, he has quit his job because, as I mentioned, he is going back to school. His courses will be from 1:00 PM to 9:00 PM. As for me, I'm 27. I still live with my parents as well. But my career is all set and I'm planning to buy a house next year.

Before we met, we exchanged a few messages and discovered we had so much in common. It was crazy how we were so alike. It didn’t take long before we decided to meet. We were both excited to meet and both had a good feeling about each other. We decided to talk on the phone the day prior to the meeting. It was a good conversation. I remember him telling me how he doesn’t believe in coincidence and how he was sure we were supposed to meet each other. When we finally met for the first time (on a Wednesday), the chemistry was as strong as on paper. We both wanted to kiss each other at the end of the evening, but decided to wait. He messaged me when he got home. He said he had a great evening and he couldn’t wait to see me again and that he really wanted to kiss me. I replied the same thing to him.

Then, he invited me to go to a show with him on Saturday. When he picked me up, he told me he was nervous. He said he wasn’t during our first meeting because he didn’t have any expectations. I thought it was a good sign. He was sweet with me during the whole evening. Before the show, while we were sitting and waiting for the show to start, he mentioned how he hoped there would be multiple occasions to see each other again. Then, he asked me if I would be interested in going to the movies with him tomorrow. (Sunday) I agreed. During the show, we started to touch each other. He put his hand on my leg and I held his arm. It was just… natural. At the end of the evening, when he brought me home, he told me how he really wanted to kiss me, but wanted to wait still. I know he really wanted to because he did a detour to go to my house and passed in front of it a few times. He told me he would wait for my call tomorrow and to call him whenever I felt like it. He said he would be really happy to hear from me. He said we could go to his place after the movie. We eventually said good night and kissed each other on the cheeks.

The following day (Sunday), I called him and the plan was still on. After the movies, we decided to go to his place. When we got there, it was awkward at the beginning. It’s as if we both didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to make the first a move and I didn’t want either. I could see he wanted to, but there was something holding him. Then, he started giving me a massage. I eventually removed my shirt and he eventually removed my bra and started kissing my back. At some point, I turned to him. We were both lying in the bed beside each other and it seemed like he didn’t want to kiss me, but wanted at the same time. He eventually did and he said: “I was hoping it wouldn’t be as good as I thought, but it was better.” And, then, we started getting intimate, but he wasn’t able to do it… He kissed me and caressed my face and kept saying: “You piss me off.” I said: “Why” He said: “I didn’t think I would meet someone that fast.” He also said multiple times that he was happy he had met me. Then, we didn’t “do it” completely because he wasn’t able to, but he did give pleasure. And, after, I could see perhaps it was a mistake. I said: “Maybe you weren’t ready. Maybe we did this too fast.” He said: “Yes, it’s a little fast, but I really wanted to.” Then, we cuddled. He kept kissing me and hugging me and asked me if I wanted to stay for the night. But I didn’t want to. I wanted to take my time with him. I didn’t want to do the same mistakes as I did before. But we agreed to see each other again the following day. (Monday) I remember he told me he was going on a trip in a few weeks and he was really going to miss me. Then, when I got home, I remember I messaged him that I’ve never felt so good with someone in my life and that it’s been a long time since I was really that happy.

I called him on Monday and we went to the movies again. He mentioned the text I sent to him and how it was so sweet. After the movies, we went to my place. Again, we kissed, hugged and cuddled. It didn’t seem like he was quite ready to do more than that at that at the beginning. But I could see he really wanted to and I admit I really wanted to as well. So, of course, I couldn’t hide it and perhaps I tried a little bit. We kept kissing and started to really get in the mood and… he decided he wanted to go further. So... we did. Before he go back home, we kissed and agreed to see each other on Wednesday night. (I invited him to a group outing with my colleagues.)

The following day (Tuesday), he sent me an e-mail at work. He told me how good he feels when he’s with me. He said he liked when I talked to him, when I listened to him, when looked at him, when I touched him. He said he wanted to do a road trip. He invited me to go with him. He even said he could change his schedule so I could come with him. I was so happy. He asked me to call him tonight so we can check that out and plan everything. When I called him, he asked me to come over to his place. We were not supposed to see each other that night, but I agreed. I really wanted to see him. That’s when it all started to go down… When I got there, I don’t know why, but I was distant a little bit. Eventually, when he kissed me, I changed. He said: “You’re weird today. I hope it’s not what I told you this morning. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.” I said: “Are you crazy!!! I’m so happy you told me that. I feel the same way.” We kissed, hugged and cuddled as usual. Then, he asked me: “What do you want from me? I don’t want to be played.” I said: “Well… I want everything, all that you are.” He said: “I want the same thing.” I said: “Good!” He said: “We’re boyfriend and girlfriend then?” I said: “Yes, if that’s what you want too.” He said yes. He said: “So, that means I also have to change my Facebook status. I think a lot of girls will remove me from their list now, ahah.” Then, we started getting intimate, but… out of nowhere, he just stopped. He didn’t want to tell me why. He kept kissing me and caressing my face. He started to tell me again: “You piss me off.” It’s like he was pissed to have met me at this point in his life, like it wasn’t the right time. He said it had nothing to do with me and I shouldn’t worry because it didn’t change how he felt about me, but of course I was worried. He went smoking and went to see him. He said: “I can’t believe you’re still here. I can’t believe you’re here listening to me. But thanks because that’s what I need.” Then, I said I could listen to him if he needed to talk. We talked about his ex. He said she cheated on him with a lot of different guys and it’s hard on his ego. They only stopped talking to each other not long ago. He said they broke up 2 years ago, but still lived together. It’s only been 2 months since they don’t live together. So, anyways, we talked about that and after we got intimate again and it went all the way. It’s like he felt better. He said that he was really interested in me and he was really happy he had met me and that he feels really good with me. I even asked him if he just saw me as a friend and he said no. I left and I thought everything was going well, but…

The following day, (Wednesday) I could already feel there was something wrong. He changed his mind about the road trip. He said he wanted to go alone now. He said he needed time to think and clear his mind. But he said he would be back for the weekend to see me. The other thing that was weird is that he didn’t want me to stay for the night anymore. I didn’t understand. He just said: “When I’m on vacation, it’ll be easier. Is that okay?” Then, there was the Facebook thing. I changed my status because he mentioned it to me. But he never changed his. I was waiting for him to accept my request. Not that it’s important, but with all the other elements, I was starting to get really worried. But we still saw each other that night. After the group outing, he said he needed to go shop and asked if I wanted to go with him. So, we went shopping. Again, we were really sweet with me. He kept kissing me and hugging me. We agreed to meet on Friday before he goes away camping for the weekend.

When I got to his place on Friday, I wasn’t really in the mood. I just had this bad feeling. But I wanted to spend a nice evening. So, I didn’t mention anything to him. However, he could see that I wasn’t feeling too good. It’s only at the end of the evening that we talked a little bit about it. He said I shouldn’t worry. He said he wanted to go on a road trip alone because he wanted to draw the line between his ex who’s behind and me who’s ahead now. He said he never goes on Facebook either and that’s why he didn’t change it. Before I left, he said he would call me when he comes back from his camping Sunday, between 2:00 PM and 4:00 PM.

Well, he didn’t call. I tried to, but I always got the voicemail. So, I came to the conclusion he decided to stay there longer. The following day, (this Monday) I received a message from him. He told me his cell phone died and they came home late and that he was sorry he didn’t call me. I asked if we could see each other before he does his road trip, but he said he had to see his brother. He said probably tomorrow. Tuesday, I was worried because he didn’t send me any messages. When I tried to call, it didn’t answer. So, I waited. He eventually sent me a message around 5:00 PM. He said he was really busy these days, but that it would be fun to see each other tomorrow. So, we finally saw each other last Wednesday night, after 5 days without seeing each other.

As soon as I got in the car, I could see there was something going on. He wasn’t affectionate at all. He didn’t give me any kiss or hug. But I wanted to spend a nice evening so I didn’t make a big deal out of it and I smiled. We actually had fun… until we went to grab a coffee. He said: “We won’t be seeing a lot in the next 2 weeks.” I said: “What does that mean?” He said: “What do you mean?” I said: “Ok… I really need to ask you something. I have had this bad feeling since Friday. Are you having second thoughts about us?” He said: “Yes, you are right. I don’t think I’m ready. I stopped talking to my ex only 3 weeks ago and I don’t want her back, but I still think about her a lot.” He added: “I’m sorry. It’s the timing. I’m sure the two of us it would have worked out.” He added: “Everything I told you was true.” I said: “It’s okay… I knew. I could feel it.” He said: “How can you know?” I said: “I just knew deep inside. That’s all. Plus, when you are really interested in someone, you make some effort to spend time with them.” He said: “I was really busy the last few days, but I understand what you mean.” I said: “I’m sure if you meet someone you are really interested in, you would feel ready.” He said: “It’s not true. I’m just not ready.” I said: “Why were you on a dating Website then?” He said: “I really thought I was ready.” I said: “It’s evident that you do not have the time in your life for me right now.” He said: “Not like you would want to me to.” I said: “I didn’t want to see you all the time. I wanted to see you maybe one time during the week or the weekend. I agree things went too fast and that’s not necessarily what I wanted. I wanted things to go slower.” I said: “Well, when you come back from your trip, call me if you feel like it and I’ll see how I feel about it.” He said: “But I know I’ll want to call you!!! I still want to see you.” I said: “I don’t know if I can. I’m afraid I’ll get attach even more.” He said: “I understand. I could be ready in 2 months.” I said: "You might not be ready with me." He said: "True, but I don't know that. It's the same thing with all relationships. You never know how it can turn out. You could meet someone else too and I don't want you to hold off if it happens." I said: “What do you mean you still want to see me anyways? You mean casually see each other?” He said: “We can still go see movies or go see shows together, just like we did.” I said: “I can’t be friends with you. What if want more?” He said: “If find you attractive. It won’t turn you down, but that’s not what I necessarily want.” He added: “I liked what you told me before we went for our second date, that we should just go with the flow and do whatever feels right at the moment.” He also said I could call him, even while he’s gone. He also said that, when we exchanged messages before meeting, he told me he wanted to start by being friends and see where it leads. So, we went to his place. He was affectionate with me again. In the car, he put his hand on my leg and took my hand all along until we were at his place. He even kissed my hand. Then, at his place, he was kissing me and hugging me. We cuddled. He showed me his new camera that he bought for his trip. He took a picture of me with it. Of course, we got intimate as well. But it wasn’t just about that. As I mentioned, he kept kissing me and hugging me and cuddling, even after we got intimate. I was stupid and said I wanted to stay for the night. He said he didn’t think he was a good idea. He said he really wanted to, but to remember that we just said we wanted to take things slow. I think it’s true because when he got in the car, he asked me what I was planning to do if I slept as his place, like he was having second thoughts about it. But anyways… Then, in his car, again he held my hand all along until I got home. He kissed my hand again. Then, we said goodbye. Kissed and hugged tenderly. And I felt okay at first, but when I woke up at 2:00 AM, I felt like I was going to die. It just hit me.

Now, I’ve been feeling like crap since Wednesday night. I can’t cope with the situation. I’ve been single for 3 years and it’s the first time in a long time that I feel a strong connection like that with someone. I don’t meet a lot of new people either. So, I have this fear that I will never meet someone like him again. It took awhile to find him. How long will it take me to find another one? Deep in my heart, it feels wrong that the situation ends this way. It feels like things shouldn’t be this way. We are so alike. Plus, I can’t believe he doesn’t feel the same thing for me. I just can’t. He always acted liked he cared for me or like he was really interested in me. If he had just wanted sex, he would have been gone a long time ago. I know it’s not just about that. He asked me to be his girlfriend. He wanted to see me most of the time before we were official. He initiated the contact, the invitations. He messaged me to tell me good night or have a good day. I can’t believe he feels nothing for me. I just take it so hard because I finally thought I had met the perfect guy for me and my dream had finally come true. I was so happy for the first time in my life. I get attached easily and I was really starting to fall for this guy. I didn’t open my heart to him until I was sure he was feeling the same. But I just got my heart broken again. I’ve had my share of bad luck in the dating department since I’m single. I just can’t take it anymore. This guy was exactly what I wanted and I can’t hate him because I know he is a good guy. That’s why it’s even harder to let go.

I don’t know what to do. I didn’t show him that I was hurt. I didn’t tell him that I was hurt. I pretended I was okay with the situation. I guess I didn’t want him to run off. But I’m seriously dying over here. I don’t even know how I survived the past few days. I haven’t eaten almost anything since 9 days. I can’t take it anymore. I turned off my cell phone for the moment because I didn’t want to keep looking at it and hoping he would call him. He’s gone on the road anyways for at least until Sunday or Monday and probably needs to be alone. I don’t know if he really is going to call me back. I don’t know if he really cared about me. I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again. I still hope he will realize he really wants to be with me while he is away on his trip. At the same time, I want to forget about him like he never existed. It’s so hard… I’m going crazy… All the men I have met before, I can find the reason why it was better that way. But him, I can’t. Him, it felt so right and natural… up until we became official. I wish we could go back at that point and just start fresh.

What do you think I should do? Should I tell him how I really feel? Should I keep the silence and wait for him to come back (if he wants to come back)? Should I message him once in awhile to let him know I still care? I just don’t know anymore. I’m just tired of feeling this way. I’ve never felt this depressed in my life. Of course I’ll survive and I’ll be okay in a few days or weeks, but it just doesn’t feel right that it ends this way. It just doesn’t…

Thanks.

Hi Zebrelle

I think your guy is confused and dosn't know what he wants. I think you have handled yourself brilliantly. I think you should try your hardest not to send that first text. If he misses you he will text you. Even if it takes two weeks from now. Don't text him! Come here and post instead.

People often need time to work out their thoughts and feelings and get some perspective. He knows how you feel about him and you havn't been pushy with him, so he will think about that while he's away.

If you don't hear from him when he gets back, then he's not ready. But I tell you - sometimes out of the blue you just might get a text from him when he is ready. And you may have moved on and met someone else by then.

But in my opinion, never say never to what can come your way (him, or another guy).

Thanks for all your advice, DylanNotorious!

It's great to have a point of view from someone outside the situation. I'm so exhausted at the moment, I can't think clearly. It's hard to know if he is really interested in me, but just not ready or if he just never was interested at all. He said he would always be honest with me. So, I believe him. However, sometimes I have doubt because I know if I was really interested in someone, I would do everything to overcome all the obstacles. I don't know what he really wants from me right now. He said he would call me because he know he would still want to see me. The way the conversation ended and the fact that he mentioned we should just go with flow makes me think he wants to try, but at a slower pace. I just don't want to get hurt and I already am right now. At the same time, I don't want to close the door. It's hard to draw the line...

Not only does this guy have serious trust issues, he is not over the ex-been there, done that.

It will take him a long time to get over his feelings for her, and he probably needs counseling to deal with trust issues. I dealt with the same issue with my ex, these guys are a waste of time and will string you along with false promises. This guy is not available to anyone. I would move on!

Remember, you barely know this man, when someone moves this fast, IT IS A MAJOR RED FLAG! Weren't you only dating a couple of weeks???

" The way the conversation ended and the fact that he mentioned we should just go with flow makes me think he wants to try, but at a slower pace."

Classic string along!!! Benefits of a relationship, with no responsibility! Another thing my ex did. I think they all went to the same school.

Not only does this guy have serious trust issues, he is not over the ex-been there, done that.

 

It will take him a long time to get over his feelings for her, and he probably needs counseling to deal with trust issues. I dealt with the same issue with my ex, these guys are a waste of time and will string you along with false promises. This guy is not available to anyone. I would move on!

 

Remember, you barely know this man, when someone moves this fast, IT IS A MAJOR RED FLAG! Weren't you only dating a couple of weeks???

Thanks for your reply, Hollyj!

At first, I actually was kind of worried when I saw that he was moving really fast. However, because I was really interested in him, I didn't turn him down. Plus, I have been single for 3 years. I know I am more than ready for a relationship. I just remembered something... When we were at my place, at the end of our fourth date, he still wasn't sure if he wanted to sleep with me. He said it was important for him. We talked for 1 or 2 hours and I remember him asking me: "How can you be so sure you are ready?" I said: "Because I've been single for awhile and I just know it." Perhaps he really isn't ready... I also remember when had our final conversation on Wednesday. I said it wasn't the first time it ended this way and that I was going to survive. I said I'm disappointed because I finally thought I had found someone, but that I'm kind of used to it by now. He said: "I'm not like the other guys you met. I still want to see you."

Last night, I felt okay. It was actually the first time in a few days that I felt okay. But, then, I woke up at 2:30 AM and I felt like I was going to die again. I was thinking about my cell phone and how I still haven't turned it on since the last time we talked. It's almost as if I was afraid I did a mistake by turning it off. I kept thinking: "What if he tried to call me? What if he texted me? If I don't answer, what is he going to think? Is he going to think I don't care and not try to contact me ever again?" I know... I tend to over think. I tried to rationalize and tell myself that if he is really interested, he knows where to find me, even if my cell phone is turned off. He knows where live. He has me on his Facebook. There are other ways he can contact me. I don't know why, but everything I picture my cell phone, I get an anxiety attack. I want to check it, but not at the same time.

It seems sometimes I'm okay and, other times, I feel like I'll never survive. I wish I had never met him... Why would life give me something that I always wanted to have and take it back from me as soon as I was the happiest person in the world? It just doesn't seem fair. But, as time goes by, it seems I still have hope. Not necessarily that we get back together, but just that I can still find love again. I never would have thought it was possible for me to find someone with whom it clicks so well. Perhaps life wanted to show me it was possible. I still find it unfair and I still don't understand why I need to go through this pain right now, but I guess I have this feeling deep down that everything is going to be okay. I have a good intuition. When I get bad feelings like I did with him in the last few days, I know I'm right to worry. But I also know that I when I get good feelings, I shouldn't worry. And this is the kind of feeling I have right now.

If this keeps happening to you, then you are the common denominator.

There were a lot of red flags with this guy but, you choose to ignore. Please check link removed it will put things in perspective.

We cannot find happiness through others, it has to come from within. Remember, unhealthy attracts unhealthy!

If this keeps happening to you, then you are the common denominator.

 

There were a lot of red flags with this guy but, you choose to ignore. Please check link removed it will put things in perspective.

 

We cannot find happiness through others, it has to come from within. Remember, unhealthy attracts unhealthy!

Well, I met some guys that were interested in me. I just wasn't interested in them. And the guys I was interested in, they were not interested in me. Now, after 3 years, I finally meet someone with whom the feeling was mutual. Everything was going well at first. I really thought it would have worked out. But for one reason or another, it had to stop. Perhaps you are right and it's me and I should check the kind of people I attract.

This morning, I finally came to the conclusion that I need to move on. I haven't received any calls or texts from since since we last talked. I know he was/is busy, but how hard can it be to give me a sign? If he really cared or was really interested to keep touch, he would have given me a sign. He didn't... He started his road trip on Friday. I don't know when he comes back, but it'll be probably today or tomorrow since he has to leave for Austria on Wednesday. Last time we talked, I told him to call me in 2 weeks, when he gets back from his trip. However, all this is no excuse. I still think if I was somewhere in his heart, I would have heard from him.

I feel like such a fool. I should have seen the red flags. He moved WAY too fast. I will reopen my profile on this dating Website I was on when I get home tonight and I will hope to find someone better soon.

*sigh*

Oh my gosh girl, I am in the exact same situation. My guy did the exact same thing. Almost word for word and by the same actions actually. Its the first time I have experienced it and I will never forget it either. The red flags should have been obvious to me but his charm and affectionate nature won me over at the time...

My guy had gotten out of a bad relationship just a few months prior to us talking. He came onto me VERY strongly/quickly. Started backing off emotionally after things started to fall into place, saying he wasn't ready yet but thought that he was. Wanted to be "friends" and take it slow. He said that he saw "amazing future possibilities with us though." We started talking less but the affections continued. Amazing conversations, Hand holding, kissing, cuddling, sleeping together, ect. Now we rarely talk now that we are physically distanced. He hasn't contacted me in over a week now in fact... Im usually the one initiating contact but now i've stopped.

Same story. Men like this obviously have baggage and do not know what they want. They know that they like us. Even if everything seems so natural and wonderful and you both have a LOT in common. They are just emotionally unavailable and contacted us at the WRONG time. We may be perfect for them. But until they can get over their Ex'es and be emotionally available they are going to be a waste of our time, no matter how wonderful the time spent with them seemed. They just dont have their * * * * together. And we get caught in the middle and are being strung along with false hope.

Im doing the same as you. Backing off. I'll be a friend if he ever wants to talk or whatever but I am moving on with my life and dating other guys when I can. Its sad and disappointing. But it sounds like this actually happens a lot. Maybe someday he will contact you and be ready. But not now and probably not for a long while.

Im sorry your having to go through this. Im at the same place too. It is difficult. You can do it! Message me if you ever want to talk! I am literally in the exact same situation...

Thanks for sharing your story me, Tygerwolf!

I feel relieved that I'm not the only living this situation. I didn't think it happened that often honestly. Your experience is EXACTLY like mine. It's scary. I think moving on is the right thing. I know I'm worth more than that. I do not feel stressed, sad or mad anymore. I just feel... stupid. I opened my heart to him because I felt it was safe to do so. In the end, it got broken. He shouldn't have put himself out there. He shouldn't have thought he wouldn't meet someone that fast. What was he expecting really? Was he just looking for someone to boost his ego? All I know is I deserve more than that and so do you. I'm not giving up on finding love and I'm sure you are not either.

Thanks for sharing your story me, Tygerwolf!

 

I feel relieved that I'm not the only living this situation. I didn't think it happened that often honestly. Your experience is EXACTLY like mine. It's scary. I think moving on is the right thing. I know I'm worth more than that. I do not feel stressed, sad or mad anymore. I just feel... stupid. I opened my heart to him because I felt it was safe to do so. In the end, it got broken. He shouldn't have put himself out there. He shouldn't have thought he wouldn't meet someone that fast. What was he expecting really? Was he just looking for someone to boost his ego? All I know is I deserve more than that and so do you. I'm not giving up on finding love and I'm sure you are not either.

You are very welcome. It was comforting to read your story too. Made me feel like im not alone in this confusing sort of situation.

Looks like I spoke too soon though. He contacted me today after a little over a week went by. It seems to me that he wants to keep me at arms length. Maybe he wants to keep me around and interested till hes ready? I just cant do that. I think the best thing we can hope for is to be their friends. Im distancing myself though and looking elsewhere all the same. If I happen upon him sometime in the future when hes ready. Great. If not, thats fine too. We both cant put our lives on hold for these unavailable men.

And dont feel bad or stupid for opening up to him. You had reason to feel that everything was perfect and natural. It really is his problem and not your own. But hopefully your guy will come around and at least show some appreciation for your strength and understanding. Any sane man wants a woman like that I believe. I have a feeling he will message you at some point, wondering where you went... He could at least show some appreciation towards you. You deserve it! If he doesn't, hes a loser and doesn't know what hes missing!

Best of luck to you.

I just found out something VERY enlightening. You should read it...

link removed

Thanks for your support!

I'm not sure if I did a mistake, but I sent him a text yesterday. I needed to know if I was waiting for nothing or not. Also, I wanted him to know that I'm still there and that I'm still willing to keep in touch with him. I just wrote: "I hope you are having a great road trip. I just wanted to say hi! " Perhaps it was a mistake because he didn't reply. At least, now, I can really move on. I can start the healing process although I'm still hurt and I still feel like a fool.

Hum... He replied to my text this morning. I don't really know what to think. He acts like everything is normal...

Me: "I hope you are having a great road trip. I just wanted to say hi! "

Him: "Hi beauty! I came back late last night... The trip was smoother than I thought and I was able to relax. Thanks for your message. It's nice of you. How are you?"

Me: "I'm fine, thanks! You must have a lot of things to do today. You leave again tomorrow. And actually, I wanted to wish you a nice trip. Maybe you'll be able to show me some photos when you return."

I hope this answer is okay. For now, I can only try to be his friend. I don't know if that will bring me/us somewhere, but I won't know unless I take the chance. Nevertherless, I still keeping my other options opened. I'm afraid I'll be stuck in the friend zone, but it's either that or nothing for the moment. *sigh* Why is it so complicated?

How does his message sound to you?

He just replied: "Thanks! Yes, I didn't stop all day. I will call you when I come back, I promise! Take care of you until then! xox"

I don't know why, but I just started crying when I read his message. It's been 5 minutes since I read it and I'm still crying. I just find it hard to never know what to think or how to feel.

I think you handled that brilliantly. But I would still be weary of his intentions. What gets me is that he wants to "be friends" and just see where it goes? Trust me, after a time, especially if you two have had sex, you will feel attached. Ive gotten myself into this for 6 months now. Its hard to let go of it.

Maybe he will come around? Maybe he wont? Maybe he will just string you along forever. What if he changes for someone else and says goodbye?

These are the questions I often ask myself. I wonder if its worth it. Im still waiting to find out. Im trying the friends thing. Staying casual and not expecting anything more. If it happens it happens. But if the right guy comes along that wants a real relationship, I think we should both take him up on his offer and not let him pass us by.

But see what happens, but stay weary. Good luck!

Thanks, Tygerwolf!

You are rigth that I should still be careful and I am. This morning, I was still fragile and sad. I heard Foolish Games from Jewel on the radio while on my way to work. The tears in my eyes... I used to love that song, but totally forgot about it. When I heard it, it felt like my talking to him. He doesn't even know how hurt I am right now. I always showed that I'm okay and I don't care because I don't want to scare him off. Sometimes I wonder if I do the right thing. For the moment, I am kind of relieved he is away. At least, I know there is no way I can expect a call from him. Perhaps he needs that time to be on his own. Perhaps he needs to figure out where I stand in his life. Perhaps he needs to see if he will think about me or miss me. Perhaps that's why he wants to wait AFTER his trip to see me. Perhaps he wants to see how he will feel about me when/if we reunite. I'm still hoping he will realize he wants me in his life while he is away. At the same time, I stay realistic. Until I'm sure of his intentions, I will stay realistic.

It seems this man may be setting you up to accept very little from him. He's doing a classic push/pull that keeps you unbalanced and always wanting more.

For you own sake, please get some distance. He may be all that he seems, he may not be ready now and will be ready at some point in the future, or he may be full of nonsense and is taking you for a ride. It's way too early for you to be worried about seeking a commitment from him, no need to concern yourself about that for now.

Keep your dating profile up, and keep meeting new men. Enjoy your life, enjoy dating, and the right man will step up and be there for you. It may be him, and it may be someone else. I know he got to you, and that happenns when we open our hearts, but instead of feeling bitter take it as a pleasurable and worthwhile experience that has defined for you the type of relationship you are seeking. Know you know what you want it's much easier to go get it!

so so true......I find it very hard not to send the first text...... I wrestle with that......Does anyone care to share how they get through without texting their significant other......

Thanks for your advice Janeiac!

I'm trying the best I can to still enjoy dating, but I must admit my heart is not there at the moment. I don't know why, but I don't think I should get him out of my life. We are so alike and we have so much in common. I just can't bring myself to get rid of him... not yet at least. Of course, I will still meet men that I am potentially interested in. Perhaps I will meet someone else eventually. I actually went out tonight. The spark wasn't there unfortunately. I thought about him pretty much all night. It's still soon though. I will let time do its work.

Last Wednesday, when we were together, we saw two rainbows in the sky. We were both amazed. The colors were so bright. I took a picture of it. I posted it on Facebook yesterday and I noticed he put a "Like" on it this morning. I don't know why, but it made me feel weird he did that. He never comments on my Facebook. I put the picture of the rainbows because it kind of meant something to me, that there is always a rainbow after the rain, but two is even rarer. It reminds me of that night. *sigh*

Hi Zebrelle,

Oh dear, this thread has the typical mating signs of rebounders every-where. If I had to guess, I would say your new guy hasn't healed from he's last relationship. Hence the holding off on the sexual bonding bit. And even kissing seemed to stir up a few issues. He's still on the critical list and emotionally AWOL. This is normal. Unfortunately people in this state have very little to give and unconsciously seek the undivided support of another on a one way street. It has to be because they have nothing to give right now.

A rebound relationship is a distraction. It is a connection to another person that keeps us from having to experience the full extent of the emotional pain of our resent break – up. It is a misguided attempt to move on with our lives. Many people will jump back into the dating scene because they fear being alone. It’s a quick fix, one in which we can drown out our pain by reveling in the emotional intensity and passion of a new found love. It can be a a lot more fun that dealing with the misery of a recently broken heart. - link removed

Usually their new love hangs on in there, hoing things will change and one day their girlfriend/boyfriend will look upon them with all the emotion they had for their ex.

It never happens like that. In the beginning the Rebounder thrives on the love and emotional support they receive, without having to give anything back. They are grateful to their partner for making them temporarily forget their broken heart - and this often looks like love and passion. By nature Rebounders are emotionally intense and in an all fired rush to receive everything they didn't in the previous relationship. They swoop in at a 100 knots per minute, promising all sorts. But at some point they run out of steam. Unhealed issues come up and they start pulling away to tend to them. This is why your guy is blowing hot and cold.

Asking a rebounder to have an emotionally reciprocal and stable relationship is like asking a multiple stab victim to snap out of it, stop bleeding and start operating on other patients.

Your guy-friend is giving what he can at the minute - and the ball is in your court. Is this really enough for you?

Thanks, Deciduous!

I remember him telling me he was afraid I was just a rebound. If I remember correctly, I think it was before he asked me to be his girlfriend. Anyhow, I really do think he cares. He told me he wanted to leave alone on a road trip because he needed to draw the line between his ex who's behind and me who's ahead. I am fully aware he cannot give me more than what he gives me at the moment. I prefer having him as a friend than not having him in my life at all. Before we met, when we talked on the phone, he told he didn't believe in coincidences. He told me he thinks we were supposed to meet. And I agree with him.

I wish I could tell him that I just want to be there for him and that I'm here to listen to him if he needs to talk. I know that's what he needs. I wish I could tell him that I want to keep him in my life, no matter the outcome, because I think he's an amazing guy. I wish I could tell him that I don't believe in coincidences either. I wish I could tell him all that, but I'm too afraid it will push him away. I have to be careful of what I do and what I say. It's not easy...

I just remembered when we saw each other last Wednesday. We were in his bedroom. He showed me the camera he bought for his trip to Austria. He took a few pictures of me with it. I remember he said the first one wasn't good. So, he took another one. It kind of made me feel like he cared a bit at least...