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How to turn down a married man?


mintblossom

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Need advice on how to say no, politely and without offending.

 

I think the phrase for this is "No thanks."

 

At that point, nothing more should need to be said, but if he does push it further then you are the one that should be offended. You have a right to just say no and he needs to respect that.

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And be short in your answer.

 

I've been in this boat before: yeesh. The guy would explain away all his problems as his wife's problems, and him as the innocent bystander and victim. Be firm. And SHORT--in answers. If he's anything like the guy I met, he'll have a 12 mile list in type 2 font of justifications. Just keep the ball moving.

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This is a friend's friend's husband. That's why I'm trying to be polite.

 

I wouldn't worry about hurting his feelings. A simple and firm "no" is all that is required.

 

I'd worry instead about hurting your friend's friend by keeping quiet about his behavior. Unless you know they have an open relationship and she's aware of his pursuits, I think you have an obligation to tell her what happened. I doubt you're the first or the last of her friends to be hit on by this jerkwad. The longer she stays in the dark about his pursuits the more angry and embarrassed she will be to discover the truth.

 

Don't be afraid to tell her what happened. You refused him and are not to blame here. She may be angry out of sheer embarrassment, but you'll be able to live with a clear conscience knowing you did everything you could.

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You say, 'I'm sorry, but i don't date married men, and i also wouldn't dream of doing anything that might hurt X because she is my friend' (inserting his wife's name to remind him of her!).

 

Why on earth would you feel the need to not offend your friend's husband who is trying to sleep with you? He's really an arrogant jerk to approach you, and needs to be put in his place and reminded that this is hurtful behavior at best, and crazy at worst since she is your good friend!

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No need to be polite. Tell him that he's married and has no business with YOU or any girl.

 

If he persists, tell him that if he doesn't leave you alone, you'll tell his wife. He'll shut up.

 

Really, don't worry about hurting this jerk's feeling. What's he going to do? Go to his wife and cry to her about it?

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Even jerks have feelings. Two wrongs don't make a right why stoop to their level? Even though he can't cry to anyone about it because he messed up and you can get away with it.

 

I'm saying she needs to be FIRM, which may require not worrying about his feelings. If she's not firm, he'll keep bothering her. That's why advocate her telling him to bug off or she'll tell his wife.

 

If he doesn't like the treatment, then he can leave her alone and find someone with less self respect who will sleep with him.

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For the record, I've been particularly nasty to married men who have approached me online.

 

My thinking is that my profile was geared toward people who wanted a LTR and were *NOT* married, that I wasn't interested in infidelity. If they were that bull-headed and stupid to approach me with their sob story about their wife and their lonesome penis, then they obviously were dense and needed a little more than a simple "no thank you". I don't condone that sort of smut and I told them so. If they don't want to be chastised, then they shouldn't go for women who aren't interested in that sort of nonsense.

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Polite often translates into not firm enough. He has created an awkward and uncomfortable situation and you aren't the person who should feel bad. rejection is rejection no matter how you dress it up. I've gone through several different approaches and when I try to be polite its not nearly as effective as a flat out "I'm not interested". Not because I have a boyfriend, not because you're married, I just don't want you. Lots of men don't want me its just life.

 

When you start telling them its because of this that and the other they still persist thinking I am interested but for this one thing. Then you have to reject them repeatedly and I have decided that one firm rejection is more polite than repeated rejection.

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