is it a bad sign when they delete texts?

is it a bad sign if your boyfriend deletes all his text messages inbox and sent and the call log? i know i shouldn't be looking but i have looked before and seen some texts. i looked last night when he was in the shower and he had nothing on there at all. he had texted me some yesterday and texted me right before he was almost to my house. so he had to delete all that before he got there or before he got in the shower. he always puts his phone on charge at night. so he put it on charge before going in the shower when i was in another room so he probably did it them. am i just overreacting or is he hiding something? we hadn't seen each other in 3 days. usually we only go a day of not seeing each other and have sex every other day or 2. but it's been 3 days and we didn't do anything last night when i stayed over. we just watched tv and went to sleep. and then i saw everything was deleted. he doesn't know i have been checking it sometimes cause i don't do it around him. he had to get up real early again today so maybe that explains the no sex thing. and he has deleted texts before when it gets full but i guess it just seems fishy cause we havent seen each other in 3 days.

Based on what you have told me here I see little reason to worry about what he is doing. Is he acting strange, going out at strange hours of the day/night? Is there anything to read suspicious?

Look to be honest i'm guilty of the phone checking when I think something is up and its not a good thing to do simply because it creates uncertainty, which creates further untrusting which will often send the relationship into a spiral.

As to why those logs are missing, who knows. That is a hard situation.

If you are in a open long term relationship i'd speak to him about what youve done and found. It is what ive done in past when I have committed the same offense.

Unless you have STRONG suspicions he is doing something wrong i'd avoid checking his phone in future.

Jeez, if I knew my partner was watching my every move and checking records on me, I know the first thing I'd want to do is have hours of sex.

Just wondering what prompted you to start looking at his phone? Did something happen to cause you suspicion?

well he is friends with ex's and they text him or he text them sometimes. and even and ex's daughter. i guess i have felt like we were distant this week and i wanted to see who else he was talking to or texting besides me. or if he is talking to someone else or what. i just kinda feel distant from him this week.

well he is friends with ex's and they text him or he text them sometimes. and even and ex's daughter. i guess i have felt like we were distant this week and i wanted to see who else he was talking to or texting besides me. or if he is talking to someone else or what. i just kinda feel distant from him this week.

Do you think invading his privacy is somehow going to bring you closer together?

I delete all the time - on my old phone frankly there wouldn't be enough memory to keep texts... now I just prefer to keep things cleaned up. It helps prevent me from sending the wrong thing to the wrong person. Frankly, you can just ask him and see what he says about how long he stores his text messages. I think you shouldn't be looking through his phone unless he gave you permission to do so - I don't think you really have any true suspicions to follow up on.

You are gonna get a lot of heat for snooping, and I know it's not good "to invade his privacy". However, that's not even the real issue here. The real issue is that you're leaving a door open for so many things to analyze, which can backfire. My ex and I made it a habit to check our texts and whatnot, and mind you, this was an open thing just to mess around. And later, we realized we were too honest with each other.

Even if he texts his exs, or talks to them, does that mean he's doing something wrong? At the end of the day, he's coming home to you. And also, about the sex thing, did YOU initiate anything? Perhaps he was too tired and ready to wake up early the next morning to initiate but you do know you can initiate things too, which guys always tend to like?

My ex was a snooper and I simply got into the habit of always locking my laptop when I walked away from it, and my blackberry is set to lock after about 1 minute.

If he knows you've snooped before (he may know even if you don't think he does--perhaps you set the phone down differently), he may have gotten into the habit of deleting everything before he gets to your house, just because no one likes their privacy invaded.

It's probably a setting in his phone that automatically deletes old messages and calls. Until/unless you actually have something to be worried about, don't sabotage the relationship with insecurities.

I know that my phone automatically deletes texts every so often, and sometimes I have to because I run out of room and get an "inbox full" message. I see no reason to worry. I mean, from what I gather he tells you outright that he's friends with his ex , right ? Now if he pretended he wasn't and then you found a ton of communication, you might have reason to worry. Sometimes when people snoop, they read into things that aren't really there due to paranoia or fear. I don't think that "feeling a little distant" is reason to worry, that happens in every relationship from time to time. I'd let this one go. Next time you feel insecure, talk to him about it. Snooping can become not only a bad habit, but an almost sickness if you grow too accustomed to it. It can lead to obsessive checking up, and overanalysis of every action. It is deadly to relationships. Nix the habit now.

Only people I know that delete ALL texts/logs are guys who are doing something very wrong like cheating or something they should NOT be doing.

It's suspicious & I'd be wary.

If it is a setting that doesn't keep anything, change the setting, at least for 'sent' messages.

If it is a setting that doesn't keep anything, change the setting, at least for 'sent' messages.

You're suggesting that she go into his phone and change the settings, in order to accommodate her snooping? Really?

You're suggesting that she go into his phone and change the settings, in order to accommodate her snooping? Really?

Leave no stone unturned in the quest to violate someone else's privacy and ruin it to shreds because nothing in the universe is more important than someone's sense of security. Apparently.

"Any nation (person) that would sacrifice freedom (privacy) in the name of security deserves neither.", appropriately modified quote from Ben Franklin.

well he's been texting his ex's daughter. who is 19. his ex and her are on his fb a well. they know we are together cause i'm on there too. but he's always texting her good morning sweetie. hope you have a good day. she has a boyfriend. and one day when he commented on her fb i asked him if he had a thing for her. i didn't tell him i had also seen where he texts her. he said, no nothing is going on with her. that when he was with his ex he got very close to her children and she is like a daughter to him. i said so you all still stay in contact. he said they did. he didn't mention how he texts her though. he has told me his ex texted him before in the past. and she text him back and says good morning back and she loves and misses him. she says that to all her friends on fb though. i looked at it again last night and he had texted her yesterday morning saying good morning sweetie. and he was up early to try and beat the heat and to have a good day. then i saw he texted his real daughter but it didnt say sweetie it said good morning and had her name and to have a good day and it said i love you. he don't text her good morning much though. that's the first one i seen him text her good morning. it's just usually the ex's daughter. and he iddn't put i love you on the ex's one. and of course he text me and tells me he loves me. him and his ex were only together from december to april. he has known her longer but only known her kids that long. i just don't get why he always has to text her. he's taken she's taken. he said he was happy for her and hoped to meet her bf one day. and why he always has to call her sweetie. he calls his other daughters, family and friends and all sweetie too. so its hard for me to tell if he is flirting or not. and yeah he calls me that too. so it's just bugging me. i don't know why. am i being too jealous?

Yes you are being too jealous. He is with you because you're the one he wants to be with. Take him off your Facebook and avoiding touching his phone, before you drive him away.

I want you to look at what you just wrote. Read it again and tell me if you're being rational. Doesn't it make sense that he might have forged a good relationship with his ex's daughter while they were together? Isn't that a good thing? Wouldn't you want him to bond that way with your children (if you have children?) -- You're taking by what all accounts is a very benign and considerate interaction and twisting it to suit your own insecurities. Is this about protecting yourself, really? Or is this about being "right"? That you just KNEW someone else would betray you and you were sooo justified in snooping!

In reality, he probably deleted them because he can tell you're insecure (and a snooper, clearly) and didn't want to give you any reason to connect him to his ex, even though it's not a connection to the ex at all.

Frankly, if I were your bf, I'd be really upset with you. You couldn't talk to him like a human being and bring up your concerns. You just run roughshod over his privacy. I think you should come clean to him and apologize.

My ex would delete everyones texts every week. Why? Because he had commitment and intimacy issues- it probably made him feel he had space. This actually was a red flag, but I didn't know. Does not sound like that it was your BF is doing, though. Watch and wait.

Only people I know that delete ALL texts/logs are guys who are doing something very wrong like cheating or something they should NOT be doing.

 

It's suspicious & I'd be wary.

 

If it is a setting that doesn't keep anything, change the setting, at least for 'sent' messages.

Ummm..no... Maybe its everyone you knew but its not for everyone....

for example my Blackberry phone if i did not delete my text messages and call logs my phone would freeze allllllllllllllllll the time. Even the people on link removed would tell me to delete it...

and with my iphone the way its setup i just dont feel the need to keep text convos on the screen if im not talking to the person anymore

but my gf doesnt snoop around and sees everyone im texting so it doesnt matter to me...

you should look at his actions when someone text messages him..is he hiding, going into anther room etc..

i leave my phone out, my gf knows my iphone password and i never hide it...i do keep it close to me though at all times cuz i hate losing it

and this is why i never look at my gf's cell phone..it will drive u crazy with what ifs...i trust her and she said i could have her password if i wanted to but i said no..i dont need it

well i do have a son he is 7. and i only get him on saturdays. someones not every saturday. but he doesn't bond with my son and act like his is his own. in fact he don't come over at all. he acts like he would do something with us but don't because i only have him a few hours and has to be back. but my son wants to do something saturday so i am going to see if he is going to join us or not. we have been back together since june and he hasn't seen my son again yet. but yet we are always going over to see his daughter and she is going out with us this weekend. and moving her to college in a couple of weeks. but when my son comes it's just me and him. and he always has to work in his shop or do something around home.

and i guess another reason i am insecure is because we broke up oct 2010 and just got back together end of may. and he has lied to me before about who texted or called. nothing was going on with those but he lied. and one time he quit talking to me and was seeing an ex. and he wrote another woman wanting to get to know her. and said he didnt think we were going to be together much longer. we were having problems. mostly when we drank and would argue. but we have quit drinking now for over a month now. and we obviously still loved each other when we got back together. he said he wanted us to stop drinking so we could be happy together. and it was causing problems. and the ex lied to him and stuff and he broke up with her. and he said he got karma so i guess he realized how it felt. but i guess i am scared of it happening again. and this week i keep having bad feelings like something is wrong. not sure if there is or i am just scared.

It sounds like text messages are the least of your problems. Are you even ready to be in a relationship at this point? Do you think it might be wise to take some time for yourself - work on your drinking and whatever other issues are preventing you from playing a bigger role in your son's life, and meanwhile work on the insecurity/jealousy/trust issues?

I text a lot and have it set up so that texts are automatically deleted after a set amount. If I don't, I find that my text app/phone kinda slows down.

I don't think there is anything wrong with it.