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Thread: Dealing with girlfriends "guy friend" and what is unacceptable

  1. #11
    I do not know what to do. I cannot break up with her. I tried this morning and now I am miserable at work. Im about to go into a major state of depression that will most likely result in me losing my job. Im not happy without her and if she wants to be with me I think I will just hold on. If she wanted to be with him she would be with him right? I guess she is still choosing to stay with me so I guess I'm going to swallow my pride

  2. #12

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    So, what was the reason for posting this topic again? You're not taking anyone's advice here.
    I don't mean to be rude or mean, but .. really? She doesn't seem to respect you at all.

    What do you mean by "I tried [breaking up] this morning"?

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by LoveIsEvol
    I went over there and observed this guy. At first I felt no threat cause to be honest I'm better looking than he is .. I honestly cannot imagine her being with him. The guy is one of those emo guys (which she does like) and im what she calls a pretty boy. He has long hair and paints his nails and where those silly pants with chains and is just not attractive IMO.
    It's not whether or not he's attractive to YOU, it's about what she wants.

    Originally Posted by LoveIsEvol
    but I began to notice that she laughs at everything he does
    As you surmised, this is BAD.

    Originally Posted by LoveIsEvol
    They seem to enjoy each others company and what not
    Why do people write "and what not" as if it's ok to just omit important details. If it's worth saying "what not" it's worth putting in there whatever it is that 'what not' is supposed to be referring to.

    Originally Posted by LoveIsEvol
    I tend to invade her privacy more than she does. I know its not right
    I'm not a big fan of "right or wrong". The privacy invasion on both sides is a red flag and indicates much bigger problems. There are huge trust issues here.

    Originally Posted by LoveIsEvol
    she said we need space
    We all know what that means. Throw in the new found interest in other guy and the writing is on the wall.

    Originally Posted by LoveIsEvol
    I text her something cocky like at least your b/f is there to stay with you..
    That was counterproductive and immature.

    Originally Posted by LoveIsEvol
    Am I getting out of line for being upset here?.
    Not at all, however you are not dealing with the situation well at all.

    Originally Posted by LoveIsEvol
    I told her maybe she is not ready for a relationship and that maybe we are not made for each other since she is showing less interest in me lately.
    Score! Now back off and let the chips fall where they may. You can't stop her from falling for another guy but you can stop pushing her away by giving her space and letting her figure out if you are what she wants.

  4. #14
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    [QUOTE=LoveIsEvol;4926261]I do not know what to do. I cannot break up with her. I tried this morning and now I am miserable at work. Im about to go into a major state of depression that will most likely result in me losing my job. Im not happy without her and if she wants to be with me I think I will just hold on. If she wanted to be with him she would be with him right? I guess she is still choosing to stay with me so I guess I'm going to swallow my pride

    I have read countless stories on this board and others, and once in a while I will read one that really gets me concerned for the poster because they are just screaming complete and utter desperation.

    You're talking about falling to pieces, going into major depression and losing your job..

    Look you just gotta get a grip on yourself man. Don't let your mind screw with you. She's a totally separate person from you, she was not part of your life before, and it looks like she's on the way out whether you like or not and whether or not you've got the strength and courage to pull the plug yourself.

    So back off, prepare for the worst and find a way to get yourself through the day, it's going to get worse before it gets better but some day you'll look back on it and realize you MADE it worse than it really was.. but try not to cause too much damage along the way, and job loss would definitely qualify.

  5.  

  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Gojira
    So, what was the reason for posting this topic again? You're not taking anyone's advice here.
    I don't mean to be rude or mean, but .. really? She doesn't seem to respect you at all.

    What do you mean by "I tried [breaking up] this morning"?
    Hey, it's really hard to do something drastic like breaking up with a loved one. Emotions is a helluva drug...

    I just want to put my 2 thoughts into this post. Dude, loveisEvol (i agree w/ ur name btw). I'm in the very similar situation, like very much the same bull * * * * you're going through is what I' going through. I've been with my girlfriend for ever 3 years. I've had some hick ups along the way, but i thought we were in a pretty happy, healthy relationship. In the past couple months, she's been hanging out with some new (VERY NEW) friends, and there happens to be a couple single guys in this group that love to go out and hang out nightly. So they always invite my girlfriend out, and she goes. I didn't even have a problem with it for the first little while. But then I started noticing things... 1 guy kept standing out to me from all the things he was saying and doing.. He would ask her to chill on their own a lot.. (which she has no problem with, even though she's in a 3 year relationship, and she just met this guy a couple months ago)
    He would write very flirty comments on her FB... i.e., she would post "it's 5am, i'm sick and can't sleep.." and he would say "it's because you don't see enough of me.."
    * * * is that?? When i asked her about it, she said he jokes like that all the time. * * * . I've met this guy... he couldn't even look me in the eye.

    Anyways, i can go on. and on about all these random things that would stick out to me as inappropriate and disrespectful. These days, she see's them 5 times a week, and maybe see's me once. (i live a 45 min drive away downtown in my own place, she owns a car but lives with her parents. so i don't really pressure her to sit in traffic all the time to come down to se me.. but damn, once a week is pretty bad..)

    So this past couple weeks, we fight a lot. Today visited her at work (she works on saturdays sometimes). And i wanted to talk to her about our problems. I was even willing to tell her, okay I'll take a step back and not bother you about the excessive chilling with these new friends, and the flirty messages and all the inappropriate things that stood out to me.. but i need respect from you, i need honesty and i need you know when to draw the line (BOUNDARIES)... But right after, i saw her new phone that she's had since Wednesday (4 days ago) and asked if i can look in it. She reluctantly said 'fine..'. I don't give a * * * * if this is a breach of privacy, THIS IS MY LIFE, I'M NOT TAKING CHANCES, i had to see her texts... I saw that she texts this guy a lot. There was one message he wrote her, it was something like "wow i can't believe we sent 220 messages in 4 hours.."
    So i lost it man. I couldn't even keep my composure. I broke up with her within 5 mins of asking her about this excessiveness. I asked her if she think's its wrong or inappropriate.. and she didnt think so. So as of now, we're done! So when you say, you tried breaking up.. i know how you're feeling. you want to get into her mind, you want her to change, you want to make the 1 positive aspect of your life work... you don't want to end it because a bunch of outsiders tell you to end it.
    my point is, i still don't know what i should do. I don't want to be without her. We were so great... but what she's doing is destroying us and breaking my heart. And she doesn't even realize it.

    I know my girlfriend loves attention. I know that I don't text her non-stop and call her and talk for hours at night. * * * * man, we've been together for so long that I didn't think I needed to feed into her attention so much. But I think someone else posted this, once some guy will give her attention and make her laugh and feel excited, she will gravitate towards them. Not all girls do this, but some do. Some love to have another person (it doesn't matter who it is) give them the time of day. And now i sit here thinking, did i * * * * up somewhere?? Was it my fault?? I know we don't hang out every night, but I WISH WE DID.

    I know I'm rambling and this is your thread, OP. But i just want to tell you that you're seriously not alone. I'm going through this same thing. This is probably my 3rd post. My only thread I've started was about this very same thing... And there were a few people that told me i was being 'insecure' or 'controlling' * * * * THAT!!!!!
    Dude. this is your life. You made a promise to this person and yourself, that you will stay faithful and respectful. When this excessive, inappropriate behaviour starts happening, you as a man have to put your feet down and tell her. " I did not break my promise, BUT YOU HAVE, this is why I am asking you to make changes or respect me or be honest with me.."
    The girl will always downplay what is really happening, just to keep the peace... When you have to beg and interrogate them for the truth, you know this isn't a good situation to be in.

    Put your foot down. Don't feel you are insecure or controlling or crazy, because my man, this is your life. You have to take control. All the best bro! be well..

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by LoveIsEvol
    I do not know what to do. I cannot break up with her.
    Of course you can. You just don't want to.

    I tried this morning and now I am miserable at work. Im about to go into a major state of depression that will most likely result in me losing my job.
    Quit being so dramatic. Break ups hurt--that's a given. That doesn't mean they need to ruin the rest of your life.

    [quote]Im not happy without her and if she wants to be with me I think I will just hold on. If she wanted to be with him she would be with him right? I guess she is still choosing to stay with me so I guess I'm going to swallow my pride

    Wow, so you're willing to stick by and wait just because for now she "seems to be" choosing you. When people have no self-respect, they sure as heck won't be given respect by others. So all I can say is, be prepared to live with the consequences of your decisions. And make no mistake, you ARE making choices right now even if you feel like you're not in control of the situation.

  8. #17

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    Geez... Why do guys do this to themselves??? She's CHEATING!!!! Obviously!!!!! YOU NEEEEEEED to DUMP!!! HER!!!!!! And it pisses me off even more that the other dude knows about you... Let me tell you I was in your boat a few years back and it was the same exact situation... I thought what you thought... Boy was I sooooo wrong!!! I had to literally forgive myself for putting myself in that situation... You are making things worse by being there! She already lost respect for you and worse shes keeping you around for the ride! My ex kept me around because she used me for my money.. She needed me in other words but for her own benefit.. I don't know your situation but BRO... seriously? She's freaking 19? She's obviously immature based on all the things she's doing for example staying out at freaking 3am and 5am with her "friends" you know what you should do????? I'm going to give you the BEST advice anyone will give you... Start going out... Go out with friends... Give her a taste of her poison... But I don't want you to do it to make her jealous and want you back no!!!!! Big mistake!!! I'm telling you this so you can get back at her for hurting you and also because well ummmm your relationship is over bud.... Plain and simple... Look for a new girl... You got a job, car and a place... After you do that and it's obvious she's starting to feel it finish her off by throwing her ..ss out and completely cutting her off! Get a new number! Do it! I'm telling you she will think twice the next time she decides she wants to be a little slu... And beeatc.... To her man ha ha Do it pimp you won't regret it! Or you can keep being her little wimp that she can manipulate and have when she's bored of the other guy.. Or guys.. Your call....

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